Remember me Reggie? I know it's been a while, but I saw that you made it back into the NBA, good for you. I can remember back in the 80s when you used to rub me gently and talk for hours about how you would be a better coach than Coach Russell. Sure you weren't setting the bar very high, but you made it man, you're realizing your dream. Good for you.

I know you haven't heard from me for a while, God knows we didn't part ways on the best of terms. But I didn't talk. Can you imagine if ESPN had been the unsatiable monster it is now back then? Skip Bayless probably would have loved it and said you had better wind resistance. Of course he would have been wrong, I only made you better stronger and sexier. Yet eventually you shunned me.

You're probably wondering what happened to me, it's been a while. Well, I've fallen upon some hard times old friend. I drink a lot without you. Mostly to fill that hole in my heart that used to say "Reg". I sat around reminicsing about the good times. Remember when we did coke off that stripper's ass? Man, you were rubbing me for days. Those were my happiest times Reg. So naturally I tried to recreate those times with others. You know, try and move on.

Unfortunately the only people who would give me a second look were gay guys and cops. You ever try to get a cop do do coke with you? And that was my first stint in prison. It helped a little bit. The structure, 3 square meals, yard time on weekends, warm showers...

After I got out it was hard to adjust to life back on the outside. I was broke, homeless, and jobless. Nobody wants to hire an ex-con. After a while I started giving people rides in exchange for a warm meal or a couch to sleep on. After a while I made the transition into porn. I finally felt like a big shot again. For the first time in years I was making thousands of people happy via their TVs. Then came the relapse. It started off innocently enough, just a bump during a wrap party. You know, to celebrate. Next thing I know I'm agreeing to do 2 gay scenes for an 8-ball.

After that it gets kinda hazy. Everything kinda blends together as I was in and out of prisons and halfway houses for the last couple years until a bartender gave me a pity job sweeping up the floor. That's when I saw you on TV, nice suit. You know what would compliment that suit perfectly? Me.

So what do ya say Reg? Wanna get the band back together? Come on man, regrow me Reggie. Regrow me.