Since all the trade talk, a bad team? trade talk?, surrounding this team with Brad Miller has arisen, I thougth I would come up with some outlandish, never to be contemplated trade scheme that only makes sense in my head, and nowhere else. Ready? Oh, yes, buckle up, even you non seatbelt wearers, cuz this is going to get rough. Ready for CBA 101? You got it folks. Hardy Har. Merry fucking Christmas, from the Grinch himself. Mwahahahahahaha. Oh, and if you think Xmas has past, you can fuck your New Year too. Again, Mwahahahahaha.

I hitched a ride with a vending machine repair man
He says hes been down this road more than twice
He was high on intellectualism
Ive never been there but the brochure looks nice
Jump in, lets go
Lay back, enjoy the show
Everybody gets high, everybody gets low,
These are the days when anything goes

Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

(ed note: This is a step by step process to how I got to the bottom. If it hurts your head, well fuck you. You were warned.)

The big rage right now is that Baron Davis is tired of MDsr. Gee, who knew? I mean, who could have ever seen that coming? The Warriors Dubs have been irritated about Monta's moped ride, and now he's trying to sue them over lost wages. The NBA, where you fuck up and can still sue the team paying you riches to play a game, happens. But, there is one magical issue with Monta that means the NBA's version of cockturd (or one version anyway--there are several) must come into play: the Memphis Grizzlies. Why them? They're the only team with available cap room to take a player like Monta on. Why? Patience minions. All will come in due time. The Clippers might want some relief from Baron, or their mistake. The KIngs need to get quality players at the point, and if it's Mike Conley, I won't be crying. We all know this. Why elaborate? Exactly. It's tough to guage exactly what team would do under certain circumstances, and unfortunately, anybody who tries this on the trade checker won't see it work because lumped together as one massive trade, none of these trades will work. They have to be broken down bit by bit in order for it to all work, and if that's the case, that's where the magical document of them all, Mr Larry Coon's FAQ will be quite helpful.

My proposal, or the crux of it: Monta Ellis to the Grizzlies Baron Davis to the Warriors MIke Conley and Marko Jaric (yes I know he's a poison pill--shut the fuck up people) to the Kings John Salmons, Shelden Williams, Bobby Brown and Steve Francis to the Clippers Now here's the problem folks. Monta is BYC, and for the statement of BYC, and I'm not explaining it technically to anybody, but the basic sum of it is, that the Warriors can only take back half the salary of Monta for what they send out. So, if you're the Grizzlies, you sent the Dubs Conley and Steven Francis to start the first part of the trade. Then you trade Conley to the KIngs and Francis to the Clippers to complete it. Unfortunately, that's complicated, and in a way, I have a hard time believing the NBA will allow it. Or at least allow the individual trades in order to pull it off.

First trade (mostly because trading Monta is complicated) is: Monta for Conley/Francis---actually what I'd propose to keep the Warriors from screwing up the deal is Jaric for Monta--that way the Kings can stay in the hunt for Conley Now this is not the final trade, and for the Kings sake, it better not be. If the point is to get Conley, then perhaps some tinkering will be needed. The Dubs want Baron back right? Now, there is no trade restrictions on any other player (some on Francis, but none that hinders the 2 trades he's involved in), and that makes it easier to complete this 4 way deal. Davis to the Warriors Jaric (from the Warriors) to the Kings Conley (from the Grizzlies) to the Kings Salmons (from the KIngs) to the Clippers Brown (from the KIngs) to the Clippers Williams (from the Kings) to the Grizzlies Francis (From the Grizzlies) to the Clippers Taylor (From the Clippers) to the Kings via their trade exception (helps balance out the rosters because you can only 15 players on your roster, and you can't go over to make a trade--even if you're going to release any of those players) Unfortunately, even as I type this out, this can't be done either. What has to happen, I told you it was going to be rough, what were you expecting 500 words?, is that the Jaric trade will have to happen first for Golden State, to create a trade exception that Golden State will get in order to acquire Conley. Once that happens, the rest can be traded because the money will even out.

The problem with the first way I proposed this is that Davis will be taking too much money (and the Warriors can't combine a player with a trade exception) in for the Warriors to take him in a straight up trade. So, in order to accomodate everyone, I told you this would hurt, you have to make that complicated trade first in order to get it all done. Sadly, this is so complicated I doubt it could ever get finished. Why? The Warriors may want Conley for Ellis. The Clippers, too, may want Conley for Davis. The Kings have no reason to get into any of this, except that they want Conley (which Petrie may or may not want) and they should be willing to take the Poison shit pill that is Marko Jaric. Whether they want to or not. Why won't this work? Because the Warriors and Clippers are giving up quality players, and are not necessarily getting back what they may want for either of them. Because the Kings may not want to take the cap strangehold that is Jaric. Because the Kings may not be exporting enough talent to satisfy Memphis, Golden State or the Clip Joint. In short, ego's will keep this deal from being ruined. Rovell's ego for the Dubs, Dunleavy's for the Clip Joint, Petrie's for Sacramento, Wallace/Micheal Heisley for the Grizz. It won't work because other teams like to screw each other, and not make smart deals that work for both sides. That's the issue. No team wants to help themselves get into contention, and no team wants to take a long term risk without making the other team give up some of theirs. The deal is so complicated it might take 5 days to complete, and in of itself, that takes a long time for the NBA to approve. The NBA might not approve of Ellis being traded to allow the Warriors to make other moves down the road as is. That might be the biggest hurdle beyond any of the teams apprehension.

The reason I wrote this, is that I often see trades that flat out won't work under the salary cap, or most of the time, aren't reasonable. And I'm not talking about posters of StR or any blog. I'm talking about trades that are bantied about in the press. This deal works under the salary cap, and even takes all the quirks into account, and yet, it's as shaky as everything else I've come up with in the past, and for no other reason, is that I'm not the one doing the deal. One reason the Kings may pull out of the deal is that to take Jaric back, they may just want the Grizz to take Kenny Thomas away for the trouble. And the Grizz may say, sure, why not? The Grizz also may be wary of Monta Ellis (I wouldn't be as long as he's fully recovered--of which I would be wary that he is fully recovered when he steps on the court) and it's hard to blame them for such. There is also the problem of total players on the roster. Just making it such that each team isn't sending out more players than the other, and each team has a balance of rosters that works for everyone, is difficult to do with 4 different teams and opinions of the matter. Do I think it will work? Yeah, it could for all teams. Here's why.

The Clippers need to reconfigure that team if Dunleavy is going to stay there. I don't know that Salmons is the final answer to that team, but Baron Davis isn't doing them all that much good either. They have trade chips in Camby and Davis, and if they want to get out from under those, they're going to have make smart moves in the interim to position themselves for a PG of the future. Maybe a Ricky Rubio for instance? This team has talent around it, but is missing something to push them over the edge. Davis is not it, and if Kaman is hurt constantly, he isn't it either. I'm not sure Conley is the type of the player the Clippers need, and taking away Marko Jaric is not necessarily something that would be wise for them to do either. What I am sure is that getting a movable player in Salmons, and cheap expiring talent like Williams/Francis/Brown is not a bad way to go.

The Warriors probably miss Baron Davis as much as anybody else does. He made that team work offensively, and made it worth for the Dubs to keep Nellie around, even as big of a bitch as he consistently is. (I'm not a Nellie fan, and I'm not starting today. I'm too old, too crabby--yes I'm 29, just imagine what I'm like when I hit 30.) He made that team work because he could push that team to it's spots, and defensive limitations not withstanding, he worked with the fans. The biggest reason he opted out was to play with Elton Brand in his hometown, and now that didn't work out, he's stuck with a team and a franchise he isn't enamored of. Stephen Jackson is his friend, and realistically, the Dubs won't pay Ellis and Davis on the same team. I wouldn't. Would you?

The Grizzlies need a backcourt pairing with OJ Mayo. Conley hasn't worked, been a big disappointment in fact, and yet, I like Conley's physical tools, and he's so young (he's only fucking 20 for chrissake--you don't give up on young PG's--especially one's with Conley's talent level--hello Chauncey Billups anybody?) that he's worth taking Jaric on, if for nothing else that the Kings might just get cap room for Brad Miller, and provided they aren't paying luxury tax, it's a good move to take Jaric for Thomas if that's the only way the KIngs can get Conley. Of course, with Beno around, there is always the possibility the Kings have a 2 headed monster similar to what the Raps had in TO for a few years. That worked out well right? But with all that said, this was about the Grizzlies. Hell, I just shifted gears, and pointed out why the Kings need Conley. He's strong, can play excellent defense, is young enough to improve his shooting, is a quality ball handler with each hand, and to boot, he's 20. You don't give up on 20 year old kids, and if you do, you're a moron. Especially when Conley isn't getting shit faced at Memphis strip clubs or anything like that. He just was hurt some of the time, and with Mayo being what Memphis needs more, he's just shit out of luck. Time for a change. Come to the shores of the Evil Cowtown Mr Conley. We need you a lot more than Portland does. Please? Plus, if you can't make a deal with the Clippers because they're taking too many players back, you can always take Paul Davis or Mike Taylor using the trade exceptions (in fact--the Clippers currently have 14 players on their roster--so that would have to be the case), and wah lah, it would make it work. Essentially if I were the Kings I'd take Davis, but if the Clippers wanted to give up Taylor, I would do that. Getting Conley is the goal, and letting a minor player like Davis or Taylor screw it up is dumb.

Back to Memphis. Ellis is a frenetic end to end guard. He's alos pretty efficient for his freneticism, and he's so quick that's he often a 1 man break (or he was pre injury). Mayo is a ball dominant guard, but so is Ellis. Mayo can guard the bigger players, Ellis the smaller one's. It's a match nearly made in heaven. Ellis is lightning in the bottle, and with Memphis getting another high pick, they can pick a player anywhere on the court who will help them anywhere they want. Either way, it's always worth it to nab a quality young player when you can, particularly when the circumstances are in your favor, and to do so now would take advantage of the Warriors current plight. Part of being a quality franchise is taking advantage of other team's misfortunte. Hello Chris Webber for Ritch Mitchmond!

Will it work? Of course not. Getting 4 teams to agree is like getting 4 hookers to agree that crystal meth is not the drug of choice. But that's the way it is. Even when you propose a quality trade (and I think I did for all 4 teams) it's hard to get them to agree without one party sabotaging part of it. Will it work? But, for the final standings here's what happens:

• Monta Ellis/Kenny Thomas to the Grizzlies
• Baron Davis to the Warriors
• Mike Conley/Marko Jaric/Paul Davis to the Kings
• John Salmons/Steve Francis/Shelden Williams/Bobby Brown to the Clippers

Does this all work? I don't know to be honest. It's so complicated, that I have to configure, re configure it, and then re configure it, then re configure it again. By my count this how many trades would be involved to complete a deal of this magnitude

Jaric  for Ellis creating a trade exception

The created trade exception in the Ellis deal acquires Shelden Williams

The Kings then use the Ron Artest trade exception to acquire Paul Davis

This is a 4 way deal that I'm going to break step by step because otherwise it won't work under the salary cap, and I told you it was so complicated I've had to spend about 30 mins figuring out how it all will work.

From the Warriors to the KIngs: Marko Jaric

From the Warriors to the Clippers: Shelden Williams

From the Clippers to the Warriors: Baron Davis

From the Kings to the Clippers: John Salmons/Bobby Brown

From the KIngs to the Grizzlies: Kenny Thomas

From the Grizzlies to the Clippers: Steve Francis (thrown in to make the numbers work)

From the Grizzlies to the KIngs: Mike Conley

Got that? Good. If it looks strangely laid out, well now you realize how the salary cap works with complicated beyond belief trades. The media often lumps them together, and doesn't realize they have to be broken down step by step, and there's these little things called non-simultaneous trades that can be used in order to complete the trade. To the naked eye, the 4 part trade is complicated, but is the simpliest part of the whole transaction. The complicated part would be using the trade exceptions created by the Warriors to get them to take Shelden Williams in order for them to get to take, and even then, they're going to have to waive Kurz, Morrow or Nelson to pull it all off, otherwise they wouldn't have the roster spot to acquire Baron Davis in the first place. Would they? Probably if they agreed to it all. Would all the teams go through this to pull a deal like this off? I don't know, and as I said, ego's come into play. But if you thought this was complicated, try explaining it to Joe Maloof. You sure you still want Jason Levien or Geoff Petrie's job?