30. Herb Simon, Pacers | At least Herb's the cool Simon brother.

29. Chris Cohan, Warriors | Gatsby without skeletons.

28. Leslie Alexander, Rockets

27. Mark Cuban, Mavericks | Collapsed faster than Rome.

26. Dan Gilbert, Cavaliers | Got Usher to purchase stake, but can't keep up with Ratner.

25. Abe Pollin, Wizards | Lost his edge when Stern punked him into giving up "Bullets" moniker.

24. Wyc Grousbeck, Celtics | Bankrolled Mitt Romney campaign, persona non grata in McCain HQ.

23. Rick DeVos, Magic | Member of non-freaky cult.

22. Jerry Reinsdorf, Bulls

21. Ed Snider, 76ers

20. Larry Miller, Jazz | Has a killer stand-up routine.

19. Peter Holt, Spurs | Member of freaky cult.

18. Robert Sarver, Suns | Owns alien research lab in desert, minority stake in Ted Williams's frozen carcass.

17. Bill Davidson, Pistons | Can outbowl Sheed wearing a blindfold.

16. James Dolan, Knicks | Gully MSG escapades offset by role in truly awful rock band.

15. Glen Taylor, Wolves | Once punched Kevin Garnett in the nose.

14. The Atlanta Clusterf*ck, Hawks | Makin' Yahoo! look like a dreamjob.

13. Michael Heisley, Grizzlies

12. Richard Peddie, Raptors | Once busted for moonshine Absinthe.

11. Mickey Arison, Heat | Riley's South Beach wingman.

10. George Shinn, Hornets | A poor man's Bennett. Little upside, but near his peak.

9. Donald Sterling, Clippers | Lights cigars with traveler's checks, creates fake charities just for kicks.

8. Sen. Herb Kohl, Bucks | Subpoena power, bitch.

7. Paul Allen, Blazers

6.Stan Kroenke, Nuggets | 'Stache of doom.

5. Robert Johnson, Bobcats | Draft day slip due to vociferous Hillary backing.

4. Jerry Buss, Lakers | DUIs and Paris Hilton. And a PhD, for the academic set.

3. Bruce Ratner, Nets | Brooklyn and Hova. America's at attention for the next decade.

2. Clay Bennett, Sonics | Like Darko, Bennett's got bodies back there.

1. Joe and Gavin Ma-f*ckin-loof.

I don't see your owners poppin' up in Lil' Wayne videos.