King's Locker Room: The Unreported Story

Bobby Jackson:   What's wrong w'chu, Brad? 

Brad Miller:   What are you talking about?

Jackson:  What am I talkin' about?  What am I talking about?  Let me refresh your memory, before you take a shower!  

I'm talking about how we were playing four on five out there, dude, and you were driftin' around checkin' out da ladies behind the scorer's table. 

Cisco:   Hell, yeah, dude!  Do that on your own time, man.  I mean, why you lettin' us down like that, man?   What's all that about, man?

Miller:  Uh, whatever, guys!   I had a bad game, okay?   I mean, it's not like you never had a bad game, Bobby!   You too, Cisco.   Get off my back!

Cisco (getting animated now):  Oh, no!   You did not just go there!

Hawes comes out of the shower and slams his towel against the lockers.  Moore is in the showers still, singing a Marvin' Gaye tune.

Miller (slightly less defensive now):  Look, guys, I know I sucked out there.  I just didn't have it.  Maybe I have a bladder infection or something, and I didn't want to tell anyone, because, you know, it's embarrassing!

He throws his headband on the ground.

Miller:  I mean, it's not like I can just take myself out of the game!   Ask Coach what the hell he was doing playing me in the third quarter, you know?   Talk to him, ask him what the deal is!!!!!

Suddenly the cell phone rings and Miller answers it:   Uh,hi Chris.  This really isn't the best time right now....

CWebb:   Dude!   I just saw that trainwreck you guys called a game, man, and you're blowing it, man!   You better play better than that, bro, cause you're making our team look real bad out there....

Miller:  Get off my back, Chris!   I mean, it's not like you didn't screw up trying to be the man, coming back too early and blowing our year....

Jackson:   Shut up, Brad!   That was on Coach Adelman and you know it!   And it doesn't matter anyway, cause we're not livin' in the past here.   I mean, we're trying to win now, baby!

Udrih gets dressed, singing along with some traditional folk song playing on his iPod, oblivious to everything.....

KMart snaps his wet towel on Miller's left buttcheek.  

Miller:  Hey!  Watch it, Blue Light Special!

KMart:  If you ever embarrass us again like that, we're gonna have some problems. Seriously, Brad.  Seriously!

Miller: Sorry, Kevin.   I mean I know you are the Man now, but I think the time to start taking over the leadership reins begins on the court, dude.   But, whatever.   Look, we all know I will have a different zip code in a few weeks, anyway, so who cares?  

Miller (looking around at everyone now):  Helloooooo!   Newsflash, everyone!   Haven't you been reading the Bee?   Weeeeeeee Suuuuucccccckkkkk!  We can all take a night off, so whatever!  Tomorrow night, it can be your turn!

Turns away, thinking:  This is so not going the way I planned.   This season, whew!!!!!

(The above conversation may or may or not have happened.   Hopefully, some version of it actually did happen!)