In Honor of Section 214 I present:

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The View from behind the rarely used Kings Basket

My fiancé bought me tickets to the Nets game for Christmas. She is a truly thoughtful woman.

Warm-ups:

Donté Greene throws down massive dunks—one after another. Impressive.  But he’s also still a kid. When he wasn’t throwing down dunks he was fooling around with our practice squad all-star, Quincy Douby. Greene has NO game face.

Kenny Thomas owned the free throw line. All warm ups he stood at the free throw line, growling at anyone who came too close (not really growling, but he definitely had a Poodle frown).

The Nets’ pre-game and commercial filler MC is named Glorious. No one else around me thought it was very funny when I pointed and laughed at him. Probably because I was close enough to floor that he could hear me when I said, “Are you fucking kidding me? Who names themselves Glorious?” My fiancé is so thoughtful.

1st Quarter:

After zero offensive production for the first 5 minutes, Speed came in the game, revealing his black leg sleeves. My fiancé: “That guy’s so skinny he looks like he has four arms.”

I must apologize to everyone. I told the missus that Kevin hadn’t missed a free throw in three games right before he missed his free throw. I know what you’re thinking, “that’s just a coincidence.” But during warm-ups, I also told her that the Poodle never plays. “Really? He never plays.” “Not at all honey. The Kings pay him 9 million dollars a year to warm up before every game.”  “Is that why he’s concentrating so hard on shooting free throws?” “Yes, it’s all the court time he’ll see tonight. ”

So again. My most sincere apologies to everyone.

Rebirth revelation: Jesus! Kevin Martin is good. And I’m not the only one who noticed.

2:41 remaining in the 2nd Quarter a random Nets’ fan turns to me:

“Hey. Are you from Sacramento?”

“Yep.”

“Why the hell did you take Kevin Martin out? He was on fire.”

“Good question buddy. Good question.”

A few moments later Beno Udrih fell on the ground and got stomped on by either Boone or Lopez, I can’t remember which.

My fiancé: “Why does that guy fall on the ground all of the time. He’s going to get hurt.”

“No one knows honey. No one knows.”

Side note: Beno’s apathy on the court is plainly visible. He is emotionless. Even the announcer felt it. Every time he said Beno’s name he said it with an exaggerated monotone voice. I swear he was mocking us. On more than one occasion, KNatt pointed to a place on the floor where he specifically wanted Beno to move and Beno disregarded him completely. No question, there’s a cold war on the team.

Natt and Speed, on the other hand, communicate well with each other:

A sopping wet with sweat Speed gives Natt the “I’m fucking exhausted” look. Natt pulls Speed out of the game.

Natt looks down the bench at Speed with the “Please Kevin, I’m begging you, no one else can score a bucket, go back in the game” look. Look from Speed to Natt, “I’m only a man Coach. But, yes. I’ll try.”

3rd Quarter Warm-Ups

Greene can dunk! Poodle owns the free throw line. Grrrrr…

End of 3rd Quarter

I don’t know what happened, but I felt queasy, by fault of either the 18 point quarter or spending eight dollars on a 12 ounce Coors Light. Maybe both.

Right before the start of the fourth quarter the Net’s supporting cast brought on a full assault of entertainment to cheer up the crowd.  The cheer/breakdancer squad fired t-shirts into the nosebleeds, the jumbotron displayed Hackman’s rousing speech from “Hoosiers,” Glorious pointed and hooted at the crowd, and the dance team debuted their Catholic school girl costumes with a particularly naughty dance routine.

Fiancé: “Is this what they do with a budget surplus? You’d think they could have at least bought superhero costumes for their stripper team?”

4th Quarter Experiment

No beer. Still queasy.

Until next Christmas…