Sactown Royalty Commandments

I'm a bit bored so I figured I'd write some nonsense down. But if you feel like taking it seriously, you can complain to someone who cares. I'm sure they will want to listen to you. After the jump....

1) Thou shalt bow down to the brilliance of Kevin Martin. As evidence, you must cite TS% and eFG%, as well as TOv% and USG rate, as the reason's he is important to the success of an offense. If not you will be stoned to death.


via (See, I told you we don't like dissension.)



2) Every time Bom-ri hits a 3 pointer, you must scream as loud as possible. Especially if it's in the middle of the night. Double bonus points if you have an infant sleeping.


via (Proof  yet again that there are more important things than dropping bombs.)



3) You may never mock Spencer Hawes lowish rebounding rates, mid 40's FG%, or lack of being Shaquille O'Neal. If you do mention such nonsense, you will forever be thrown into the pit of despair for not being an utterly hopeful Kings fan.


via (Do you wanna argue with this guy? Me either. He's so ugly he takes up the whole picture frame!)


via (And this is what you get when you argue with Ghostface.)



4) Shooting all Blazer fans on sight is never a crime. Hanging any you find in the town square is an acceptable alternative. (Note: This only applies to fans who irritate you on non Blazer game days. Shooting anyone at Blazers Edge at any time is strictly prohibited and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.)


via (Proof yet again why Sacramentans hate Portland; Cooler backgrounds AND dysfunctional basketball teams. Bastards.)



5) When telling StR that the Basketball Jones believes it's possible that Tyreke Evans may be Rookie of the Year, you must put the embed code into the video part of the fanshot.


via (Proof yet again that intelligence exists in America. Too bad JE Skeets & Tas Melas are Canadian.)



6) You must believe with all your soul that Tyreke Evans is not a pure PG. Hence, Eric Maynor > all of existence. (It is still in advisement as to whether Kevin Pritchard is in Maynor's trunk. Maynor & Pritchard are currently battling it out for supremacy of the universe.)


via (I'm still skeptical that Kevin Pritchard fits in there. What do you think?)



7) When referring to Jon Brockman, you must call him Doc Brocktimus Prime or Mancakes Monster. Otherwise it is invalid and you will rot in the pit of hell until Satan is ready to tickle you with Red Vines licorice.


via (Full scale proof of the existence of evil.)




8) Mocking the offspring of TZ is not allowed unless a mention of William Randolph Hearst is involved. Then mocking TZ for the downfall of free, clear, and useful news information is completely acceptable. Feel free to blame the Ziller clan for the rise & fall of the Roman empire as well.


via (Proof that Ziller's have been evil with any form of words for over 500 years now.....)




9) If you do not trust Geoff Petrie, you're probably a Wizards fan or Danny Ainge.




via (It's anybody's guess who Elijah Wood really represents here.) 

10) Grant Napear does not exist at StR. Peaches is the preferred acknowledgement of such a person, although any suggestion that burning Peaches in effigy is usually the route you should take if such an occasion occurs.



via (Look Ma, it's still Halloween a month later. Can I buy this mask for trick or peaching?)


Okay, now it's time for you to come up with some commandments. What else should "StR evil" not attempt to partake in?

(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

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