No One Needs a Chili Cheese Tyreke Evans Burrito

The only thing which can distract me from thinking about the thick-as-Serena tension preceding Andres Nocioni's first free throw is this damn Wienerschnitzel commercial, the one in which the satanic, terrorist restaurant chain introduces its Chili Cheese Fries Burrito. I mean, really, chili cheese fries as a dish is a concession to the weakest facets of human nature. You have french fries, which are delicious on their own and neutral in a health sense. You add chili, which is delicious but pretty unhealthy, but that's not enough self-mutilation, so you add cheese, because come on! What's a better ingredient to throw on top of something than cheese! So now you have chili cheese fries, which is not an uncommon dish. It's not common, but it's not unheard of. And as unhealthy as it may be as a snack, being potatoes covered in a meat-bean sauce and cheese, it's not, you know, poutine or a sweet potato pie made with Peeps instead of marshmallows or something.

But then you put it, the chili cheese fries, in a tortilla and call it a Chili Cheese Fries Burrito! And you advertise it by noting how TOTALLY INSANE DUDE it is! I mean, you do not need to tell me how insane a Chili Cheese Fries Burrito is. I can figure out that much on my own, thank you. You are wasting your time waving your arms, screaming "Hey! Look over here! Chili Cheese Fries Burrito!"

And that's sort of where we are with Tyreke Evans. I mean, I could commission a banner reading 25 pts, 9 ast, 5 reb, 1 tov and have it flown around New York City and Los Angeles. I could produce a commercial with zoinks sound effects and a booming Krusty voice touting the seasonal 20/5/5 average Evans has now reached.

But why? There's no need to play Wienerschnitzel's game. There's no need to wrap Evans in a tortilla, or cover him in cheese. I can just say

TYREKE EVANS

and people all across the world will know just what the ufck I'm talking about.

TYREKE EVANS.

There. Done.

(More later.)

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