The NBA NIT
by Exhibit G on Apr 20, 2009 1:31 PM PDT
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PrintDear Mr. Stern,
I'm sure you'll be rather embarrassed as you read the following letter. I cannot fathom how you missed such a blatantly useless opportunity to market the everloving shit out of the NBA.
We all agree that the playoffs are great, but surely you must recognize their biggest flaw; they only include the top 16 teams. This season, for example, you have a cash cow market like New York sitting on the sidelines. No merchandizing, no promotional deals, nothing.
Well I'm here to present to you a new opportunity for you to whore out the crappiest 14 teams in the league. The NCAA figured out a long time ago that they should have two tournaments, because 65 teams just wasn't enough. It's time for you to catch up and unveil the NBA NIT (Not Important Tournament).
The crappiest 14 teams will be involved, meaning you will have successfully allowed every team in the NBA to have a longer season. You'll need to work this language into the next CBA. Just throw it in the section about travel reimbursement or something, somewhere where nobody will read it.
I'm sure you have questions. How will this work? Why would we watch? Why didn't I think of this before? Don't worry. I'll answer all of these questions for you. All I ask is for a minor pittance, 1% of gross revenue earned from this tournament.
How will it work?
Simple. Same playoff bracket as you already have, but eliminate the conferences. Best non-playoff record is Number 1 seed, regardless of conference. The top 2 seeds get a first round bye.
Why Would We Watch?
Just look at the stars you have missing the playoffs this season. Durant! Arenas! Shaq! Spencer Hawes! The people demand to see these stars. NBA fans thrive on meaningless debates, so what could be better than a meaningless debate about a meaningless tournament?
Why Didn't I Think of this Before?
Well, sir, you're slipping with old age. And if you really want to piss off the players and rake in the cash, have the games played in China! I know you have wet dreams about NBA games overseas.
Honestly Mr. Stern, this is a terrible idea. But it seems like something you'd try for a season or two. We can look back on this someday as one of your great failures, like the new basketballs, your ability to find good referees who can be held accountable, and you're ability to take any sort of public criticism from players or coaches. But screw 'em, it'll make us boatloads of money. Have you ever filled a boat with money? It's fantastic! Give it some thought, we can hammer out the details later.
Sincerely,
Exhibit G
(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)
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I rec'd this for one reason
It’s a great April Fools day joke for an April Fool. :)
Evil Cowtown Inc: Screwin' Suckaz over since Nineteen Eighty-Five.....
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Someone turn the sprinkler systems on...
Exhibit G is about to have 3 recommended fanposts.
Bé foréwarnéd: I am a mémbér of StR Groupthink méntality.
Thank you, thank you
I’ll be here all week. Try the veal, don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
Never forget: I am a complete idiot
Very well done
But this looks much better:
Durant! Arenas! Shaq! Ike Diogu!
by otis29 on Apr 20, 2009 2:48 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
He's playing that thing up as far as he can
It’s all he wants anymore is for Ike Diogu to get that big contract so he can see the big billboard too.
Evil Cowtown Inc: Screwin' Suckaz over since Nineteen Eighty-Five.....
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Oh I like the idea of a tourney for the #1 pick.
Worst four teams go at it for the #1.
The Wiz, OKC, Sac, and the Clippers play for the #1.
I considered that
But the whole idea of the draft lottery is that the worst teams have the best odds of getting the highest pick. Of course, as a selling point to David Stern, he could rig the draft easier by his usual influence of the refs.
Never forget: I am a complete idiot
Actually...
…I like the idea of playing for the #1 pick. It would go a long way towards eliminating tanking as a viable strategy. Obviously it wouldn’t work as described above, but if you made it a one and done tourney and worked the brackets so that teams faced an opponent of equivalent suckitude it would be a pretty intriguing concept.
A lonely Kings fan in a sea of gold and purple...
Then a different form of tanking ensues JC (let me explain)
First, now the most enviable position is to be the 14th seed, or the best team not making the playoffs. What’s the chances of the Suns not winning the whole thing because of their talent level? Or the Warriors with a year ago. What is the incentive for a team to make the 8th seed of the actual playoffs? Would teams in a weaker conference just lose on purpose rather than bust their ass to get that 8th seed?
Sorry, I like the lottery system because it works well enough. And, it’s distributed talent better than any other system in NBA history.
Evil Cowtown Inc: Screwin' Suckaz over since Nineteen Eighty-Five.....
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
If I had to pick one thing that was unfair
it would be that the worst teams in the weaker conference are more likely to have a better record than the worst teams in the stronger conference. As was the case this year,were the 2nd worst team in the East (NY) was 32-50. Where as, 6 teams in the West had fewer than 29 wins. And, Washington would have had a better record, if it hadn’t been for injuries.
But, since the purpose of the lottery is to make the worst teams better and create some parity, I guess you can say that there is parity in the East, and therefore, there’s no reason for any of them to get better draft odds.
"If you don't have anything good to say, LIE" - Mom
You are the winner G with 3 recommended fanposts, well done
Maybe they get the #1 pick and a wildcard slot against the team in the western conference with a record that’s better than any eastern conference team in the playoffs but who didn’t make the playoffs.
"We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good." - Charles Barkley
Makes me jealous
I’m going to plot your death G. I know where you live; just remember that.
Evil Cowtown Inc: Screwin' Suckaz over since Nineteen Eighty-Five.....
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Damn
If you know where I live, Google Earth is more impressive than I thought…
Never forget: I am a complete idiot
LOL @ that
Evil Cowtown Inc: Screwin' Suckaz over since Nineteen Eighty-Five.....
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
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