The Case for Tom Thibodeau

(From the FanPosts. - TZ)

Tom Thibodeau is not a coaching option. He has no experience. He has no championship rings. He may or may not be able to dunk the ball. He's starting to go bald (a little), and is therefore not sexy enough. Clearly, this paragraph is all crap - we know bald is beautiful baby, Boston defense sure as hell won a championship ring, and he has had lots of experience. Just not the head coaching kind.

While I originally intended to do an exhaustive performance study, I'm not really that kind of guy. And truthfully, I can't really say how much of a defensive addition he's been to most teams, because he's mostly coached with JVG, and I'm not sure how to seperate his performance from Jeffs. Instead, I choose to stare dreamingly at the Google image search of "Tom Thibodeau," "Coach Thib," "Thibodeau coaching" and "Coach Thib upskirt." While these searches revealed various characteristics of the man, the myth, the not-yet-a-legend, it also made one thing exceedingly clear. It showed the truth behind the fire that supports the defense his teams are known for.

How does this man instill that defensive intensity? The intensive defensive is a careful result of the pensive perspective. In less rhymetastic fashion: mean-mugging is the Coach Thib way. The indisputable visual evidence:

The man is not happy on the sidelines when the opposing team has the ball, furious when the opposing point guard is dribbling up the court, and downright incendiary when the opposing big man has the ball on the block (DENY THE POST POSITION). The man is only happy watching his defense crush your opponents offense, and that only results in a sneer. Stare into that face, then tell him you don't want to play defense. I dare you. LOOK INTO THOSE EYES AND SAY IT. Science now allows us to examine the raw fire emanating from this eyes. First I must warn all those who have performed Lasik surgery*, are pregnant, have sensitivity to heat or are shorter than Eric Musselman to look away - you can't ride this ride. Now, an infra-red image of the man's face:

The man is hot fire, he looks through the player and cooks out the man. Unformed dough turns into bread in this man's presence, and not just wonderbread, I'm talking whole grain, baby.  Look at him - he's melting through your screen - DON'T TOUCH IT! And if you think that's hot:

LOOK AT THAT - el hombre es muy caliente. As our second-favorite Dominican Al Horford would say: Fuego! Only straight sexy can rock a mullet on national television. Yeah, that was in Houston, what can I say - THE MAN KNOWS TRENDS.

Why do I want Tom Thibodeau? He's not just a defense man; He's a defense, man. I don't know if you're paying attention to the Magic-Celtics series, but they're playing great defense without Kevin Garnett. Kendrick Perkins is locking down Dwight Howard. Locking. Dwight. Down. Rajon Rondo is one of the better perimeter defenders in the L. Hell, even Glen Davis can slow Rashard Lewis, and he's got enough baby fat for the entire Magic roster.

Having Thibodeau as coach is singlehandedly the fastest, most effective way to change the defensive tenacity of this roster. The coaching change would be more effective than any roster additions through draft or free agency. He's not just a coach that will teach defense, he's a coach that will make this team defend. When you have a roster of gifted offensive players, you don't need an offensive-minded coach. When you've got an offensive system in place, with the man who created it teaching your players, you don't need an offensive-minded coach. Why draft Thabeet when you can turn Hawes into a defensive beast (we know he has the toolset!). Should Martin be doomed to be forever known as a defensive liability? Finally, can a brother play Donté?

Now I know he's got no head coaching experience. Apparently he's good with communicating with players, but we know this already (the eyes - NO ONE CAN DENY THE EYES!). I have little evidence to show he's good at developing young players. Selecting him would mean the Kings would need to invest heavily in a supporting staff. Which is fine, the more teachers for the kids, the better. But let's play some defense, man.

*If you have had the surgery performed on you, stare away. But you optometrists better beware.