In Which I Threaten to Steal Shock's Woman

I recently moved back to the Sacramento area after what was about a six-year hiatus, which involved me going away to school in So Cal for undergrad and then out-of-state for my professional degree.  Thus, I am still in a mindset that whenever I see Kings apparel, fans or memorabilia, my initial reaction is, “Oh, sweet!  Kings baby!”  After a few moments, I realize I’m back in Sac and it all clicks and makes sense.

But, I haven’t seen/or met a Kings player whilst being out-and-about in a number of years now, so I was pleasantly surprised to encounter JT at the Park Lounge on Saturday.  I don’t know if StR approves of posting every mundane chance encounter with a Kings player, but I’m sharing this story, because a) I kinda looked like an ass and that’s always funny, and b) it shows how good-natured our beloved Shock can be.

Setting the scene: I’m already pretty well buzzed but not drunk, which for me is doing well, given that our familiarity with the Park Lounge bar tenders usually results in pretty strong drinks (and me being drunk by 1130 – luckily, I’m not a stupid drunk…er, well, not violent, anyway).  This gorgeous dime is walking right toward me, and I’m eye-humping the Hell out of her.  She continues my way wearing a bright smile and tight dress.  She gets close and I give her my best “Hi, there” with my smoothest smile.  She smiles nicely back at me, but then I suddenly get the feeling that I am standing between her and something that she actually wants. 

I turn around and am staring at a thick, muscular chest.  I have to raise my eyes from their position in my 5’8” frame to see a suave, tall, bald, good-looking guy and immediately it makes sense…she is trying to talk to the gentleman behind me.  Obviously, I feel like an ass, but at times like these I find it best to joke about the situation. 

“Oh…” I say in a flood of understanding, “…Ok.”  The dude laughs heartily and I say, “Man, I was thinking, ‘hey, best night of my life, right?’”  \

He laughs again and says, “Actually she’s with him,” and flashes his eye to my right.  I turn to look, and and my gaze is met by an even thicker, muscle-ier chest.  My eyes have to go WAAAYYY up this time. 

BAM!

“Oh, shit!!! What up, JT!?!”

“Hey, what’s up, man?”

I’m elated and feeling buzzed, which usually results in obnoxious sarcasm, based on an inflated sense of confidence and the false impression that everyone in the world must certainly REALLY like me when I say funny shit.  Thus, I threaten to steal JT’s woman.

“You better watch girl, bro.  I’ll take her, ‘cause I got game like that!”  He laughs, obviously feeling unthreatened (it’s nice to be in a secure relationship, isn’t it?).

“I mean, what do you got that I don’t got?”  He smiles and shrugs.  In an uncharacteristic fit of smitteness, I ask if I can get a picture with him, because I’m one of the diehard fans. 

“Yeah, Ok.  Make it quick, though.”

I hand my iPhone to my budy and tell him to snap a pic.  He agrees, but because he is a cop (not known for their tech-savvy ways or ability to figure things out), I already know it’s not going to turn out.  Still, I pose with a wide smile and then fist-bump Shock as my friend hands my iPhone back to me with a confused look on his face. 

“Thanks, Shock.”

“Yeah.”

I purposefully avoid looking at how the pic turned out and place my phone in my pocket.  I checked it the next day.

Completely black with a fuzzy blue thing in the extreme right side of the frame.  I think it was a disco light…not really sure.