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Missing Person Report!

Dear Sac-Town Royalty,

I am writing you in great distress and as a last hope to recover my lost loved one, who has been missing since late December. I have called the police and every radio station in the greater Sacramento area as well as posted ads in the newspaper and milk cartons (which I will post below). I have done all I can, but I need your help to figure out how to bring back the one who means the most to me.

Star-divide

If you have not realized that the lost loved one I referred to above is our exciting competitive basketball team. Our beloved Kings have been in a slump as of late while Tyreke Evans remains the only royal one. As I mentioned above, I will post the milk cartons of the faces of the lost players.  I will continue by explaining what can be done to revitalize this team.

Carton #1
Carton1_medium 
While many of you may believe he is already found, what we have received is just merely proof of life.  We know he is still cabable of playing, now we need beloved efficient scorer back for good.

Carton #2
Carton2_medium
It's Omri NOT Omar! Maybe if the media got his name right, he'd actually try to play hard again.  But on a serious note, he seems tired, and out of his comfort zone.

Carton #3
Carton3_medium 
Oh Spencer. The talent is there, but you have been missing for nearly the whole season, except when we play the Lakers.

Carton #4

Carton4_medium 
Jason Thompson needs to grow up.  He needs to not let his attitude refrain him from tapping into his full potential. 

Carton #5
Carton45_medium 
When Donte does play well, we LOVE to watch.  He excites us with his hustle and makes us laugh with his contagious laugh. We need you to start playing well again so we can bring the thunder back to ARCO!

Carton #6
Carton6_medium

Beno's struggles have not been as major as the previous players, but his great play results in Wins as evidenced in the Golden State win. 

In order to find our lost players, we must create a search unit. This unit must be headed by Coach Paul Westphal while we as fans continue to search. Westphal must use his coaching abilities to find the abilities and potential in these players again. He has found it once, but with re-emergence of Kevin Martin, he must rediscover the talent, and utilize it to its full potential. It's time to structure this team with set plays, because the “just let the young guns run around” plan has failed. If Westphal designed ways to get Kevin Martin open shots, we can toss carton #1. If Westphal could design ways for Omri Casspi to get open shots using off-ball screens as well as establishing Casspi's role, then there's no need for carton 2. Westphal needs to design plays to run the ball through Spencer Hawes at the top of the key which would open the lane up for Jason Thompson and allow Spencer to utilize his passing skills and gain confidence. In process destroying carton 3 and 4. Cartons 5 and 6 are a bit more tricky. I can not explain why Beno or Donte have struggled, but I am a fan, not a head coach. So as fans we must not give up on our team, they will be found! Keep faith, hope, and stay strong!

(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

Comment 50 comments  |  9 recs  | 

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First, very creative photoshopping

And a fun idea.

But if you watched last night’s game, you’d have seen that Martin is no longer milk-carton worthy, Casspi shot 4-7, Spencer grabbed 9 rebounds and shot 50%, and while Beno had a bad night against the Jazz, he’s been pretty solid all year.

The only missing in action currently would be JT, Donté, and No(ooooo)ce. And Hilton Armstrong, but he might just be a lost cause.

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Jan 30, 2010 11:51 AM PST reply actions  

Thanks for actually commenting

One game does not mean some one has found their game. Ike Diogu had 3 good games all last season, does that mean he wasn’t a lost cause? any one can have 1 good game. Same goes for Casspi and Spencer. And while Beno has been solid all season, he has been non-existant as of late.

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 12:06 PM PST up reply actions  

Well, I thought about singing

But I’m still depressed from last night’s loss.

I’d be surprised if Martin and Casspi backslide. And Westphal said in his postgame on Tuesday that they’ve been trying to get Spencer to “play big” all season and that it seemed like the light had gone on in the last couple of days, so I’m hopeful there. Beno isn’t going to struggle long, I don’t think. But he’s probably still adjusting to the new rotations and lineups. Plus Utah is a tough defensive team.

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Jan 30, 2010 12:47 PM PST up reply actions  

We are all depressed but "Our team will be found"

Martin and Casspi may not backslide, but no one knows for certain therefore, they still need to be found. I was not aware of the quote on Spencer, that makes me feel better about him.

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 1:06 PM PST up reply actions  

I enjoyed this

rec’d

"Sometimes the capriciousness of youth anesthetizes common sense." -Let Geoff's words guide our patience this season.

by AnotherStupidSN on Jan 30, 2010 1:16 PM PST reply actions  

Thanks...

I really appreciate it :)

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 2:37 PM PST up reply actions  

Speed wasn't missing

It was just his shot that disappeared for a while. Turns out it was on the top shelf of his locker—right about where Arena’s kept his guns.

""Balance your right to dissent, with your responsibility to contribute."
Gordan Ryan

by SavageBeast on Jan 30, 2010 1:57 PM PST reply actions   1 recs

Ouch, Very much ouch..

Judgment day is coming!

by Widowwolf on Jan 30, 2010 2:04 PM PST up reply actions  

RECD

but KMart isnt found after 1 game of decent productivity

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 2:47 PM PST up reply actions  

It certainly is a possibility

but there’s no guarantee that he’s back to himself

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 3:29 PM PST up reply actions  

That sir you do

congrats :P

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 11:28 AM PST up reply actions  

Thanks

But don’t call me sir.

(Hint: Check the sig line.)

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Jan 31, 2010 11:52 AM PST up reply actions  

Ahhhhhh

My apologies MAM

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 12:11 PM PST up reply actions  

Bad shooting night (though still had 22 on 17 shots)

Not a bad night defensively, more rebounds than Jason Thompson, the best ball handler on a night where the KIngs had a lot of trouble in that category (6 assists to 1 turnover).

Found, to anyone that gives it more than a casual look.

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Feb 2, 2010 8:04 AM PST up reply actions  

so 22 on 17 shots with 1 turnover

is what u expect from ur best player? i expect more from him so im still looking for him

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Feb 2, 2010 9:36 AM PST up reply actions  

I'll take it

when he’s having a bad night and his shot isn’t falling.

A great player finds a way to contribute even when he’s not scoring. See Billups, Chauncy.

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 10:08 AM PST up reply actions  

For the record

Martin scored 22 on 17 shots (5/17, 10/11FT).

Billups scored 23 on 25 shots (6/25, 8/9 FT).

Billups took eight more shots to score one more point. But I don’t think anyone would dispute that he’s a great player.

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 10:12 AM PST up reply actions  

Billups is very very good

I don’t know if he’s great. He’s been a borderline All-Star for the last 6-7 years or so. Whether he’s better than that I don’t know.

No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea

by pookeyguru on Feb 2, 2010 11:12 AM PST up reply actions  

Finals MVP.

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 11:20 AM PST up reply actions  

Doesn't make him a great player.

No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea

by pookeyguru on Feb 2, 2010 11:32 AM PST up reply actions  

That's pretty high standards there.

Being the most valuable player on the best team in the league has got to get you pretty close to great.

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 1:07 PM PST up reply actions  

I have high standards.

I don’t award franchise player status to everybody.

No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea

by pookeyguru on Feb 2, 2010 1:36 PM PST up reply actions  

I didn't say franchise player.

In Denver, for better or worse, that title would go to ’Melo.

I’m saying Billups will be in the HOF, and he is generally considered great, one of the top PGs in the league.

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 3:03 PM PST up reply actions  

That I don't agree with.

He is not a lock for the HOF if Dennis Johnson is not.

UNLESS that underground cavern was a David Thorpe run training facility. The problem of course, is that players really need to play in NBA game situations for them to develop well. So a league of cyborgs needs to be built along with a regulation-sized stadium and tons of fake fans to simulate real NBA games to develop the players. Though at this point the team is spending billions of dollars to develop those players, so you know… maybe it would be smarter to just wait. -- Iashwash

by pookeyguru on Feb 4, 2010 10:24 AM PST up reply actions  

I would hope for better shooting

That is a far cry from “still missing.”

For example, you used improper grammar in your response, but you are probably a far cry from being an idiot. While I may hope for more, you still contributed. Or should I report you as missing?

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Feb 2, 2010 12:33 PM PST up reply actions  

LOL

No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea

by pookeyguru on Jan 30, 2010 2:44 PM PST up reply actions  

Very well done - Updated report from the search team:
  • Kevin -Found alive with a pulse and expected to have a full recovery
  • Omri – Friends report if not found now, he will show up at the All-Star Game
  • Spencer – Last seen with his head in a cloud
  • Jason – When you find Spencer, JT will probably be with him
  • Donte – Not lost, just playing games. Last seen playing hide and go seek
  • Beno – Was told he could be found in the Drain -O (sorry)

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Jan 30, 2010 4:13 PM PST reply actions   1 recs

Spencer is easy to find....

you look at the bench during 4th quarters…

by getPGwithbounce on Jan 30, 2010 10:03 PM PST up reply actions  

So true.

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Jan 30, 2010 11:03 PM PST up reply actions  

So is yours.

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Jan 31, 2010 8:48 AM PST up reply actions  

Good uodate...

Kevin- 1 more game like this and Kevin will be home safely.
Omri- If he embarasses us at the All-Star game, he might as well stay missing.
Spencer- Is that a tall joke?
Jason- He just needs to grow up.
Donte- He doesn’t make his presence known like he used to even when he’s playing.
Beno- The Tazmanian Slovanian needs his spin back

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 12:42 AM PST up reply actions  

Nicely done,

as long as you’re not lactose intolerant.

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Jan 30, 2010 4:40 PM PST reply actions   2 recs

Yeah well until tonights game

Haven’t you noticed that Tyreke Evans is the only one showing up?

Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!

by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 12:38 AM PST up reply actions  

Kev’s starting to, just needs time to get in teh swing of it..Look at him last couple games

Judgment day is coming!

by Widowwolf on Jan 31, 2010 1:23 AM PST up reply actions  

Beno and Spencer are fine

Beno has been a dynamo at point. No player is going to be at peak performance everygame except Super Stars. Beno’s comeback is the bigges story of the Kings year. And his stats are outstanding if you look at effective stats meaning you look at stat and context not just stat only.

As for Hawes I am seeing the muscle memory moves happening that will continue his progress towards greatness. Tall players have a tendency for this muscle memory skill development to start at the lower ends of their extremities and work their way up the body trunk. That is why is it so hard to see, assuming that someone is trained to look for it. But it is their and it will hit in the last 20 games of the season. Even then, his statistics, when placed in game context are much better than people give him credit for.

by Mister Davide on Feb 1, 2010 10:35 PM PST reply actions  

Second updated report from the search team

 * Kevin -Although he was found last week, now some people want to chase him out of town
 * Omri –His fans found him, he is doing well, no worries
 * Spencer – Took his head out of the clouds and put it back on his head for the Denver game

  • Jason – Still missing and fans are voicing their concern
  • Donte – No longer lost, but still plays hide and seek
  • Beno – He was found having a good hair day.

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Feb 2, 2010 10:18 AM PST reply actions  

Addendum - Other sightings from the search team
  • Sergio – Although reported lost in the garbage, was rediscovered by Westphal
  • Nocioni – Many didn’t notice that he had gone missing was discovered by NoceOne
  • Brockman – Seen making some shots, could have been his “double”
  • Armstrong – Has gone off the radar
  • May – Back on the radar

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Feb 2, 2010 10:41 AM PST up reply actions  

May cant be off the Radar, no even if its Mar’s radar..

Judgment day is coming!

by Widowwolf on Feb 2, 2010 4:55 PM PST up reply actions  

You're bad!

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Feb 2, 2010 5:55 PM PST up reply actions  

May is stuck at the scorer's table

He doesn’t see any plates and the napkins and silverware are missing too.

"If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest of men, I will find something in them which will hang him." - Cardinal Richelieu

by hozr on Feb 2, 2010 5:02 PM PST up reply actions  

Life is tough when you are put on a diet.

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Feb 2, 2010 5:56 PM PST up reply actions  

May should be on the Eggnog container. Hearty and more fat.

Judgment day is coming!

by Widowwolf on Feb 2, 2010 9:15 PM PST up reply actions  

How apropos!

To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

by Slam_Dunk on Feb 2, 2010 11:26 PM PST up reply actions  

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