Missing Person Report!
Dear Sac-Town Royalty,
I am writing you in great distress and as a last hope to recover my lost loved one, who has been missing since late December. I have called the police and every radio station in the greater Sacramento area as well as posted ads in the newspaper and milk cartons (which I will post below). I have done all I can, but I need your help to figure out how to bring back the one who means the most to me.
If you have not realized that the lost loved one I referred to above is our exciting competitive basketball team. Our beloved Kings have been in a slump as of late while Tyreke Evans remains the only royal one. As I mentioned above, I will post the milk cartons of the faces of the lost players. I will continue by explaining what can be done to revitalize this team.
Carton #1
While many of you may believe he is already found, what we have received is just merely proof of life. We know he is still cabable of playing, now we need beloved efficient scorer back for good.
Carton #2
It's Omri NOT Omar! Maybe if the media got his name right, he'd actually try to play hard again. But on a serious note, he seems tired, and out of his comfort zone.
Carton #3
Oh Spencer. The talent is there, but you have been missing for nearly the whole season, except when we play the Lakers.
Carton #4
Jason Thompson needs to grow up. He needs to not let his attitude refrain him from tapping into his full potential.
Carton #5
When Donte does play well, we LOVE to watch. He excites us with his hustle and makes us laugh with his contagious laugh. We need you to start playing well again so we can bring the thunder back to ARCO!
Beno's struggles have not been as major as the previous players, but his great play results in Wins as evidenced in the Golden State win.
In order to find our lost players, we must create a search unit. This unit must be headed by Coach Paul Westphal while we as fans continue to search. Westphal must use his coaching abilities to find the abilities and potential in these players again. He has found it once, but with re-emergence of Kevin Martin, he must rediscover the talent, and utilize it to its full potential. It's time to structure this team with set plays, because the “just let the young guns run around” plan has failed. If Westphal designed ways to get Kevin Martin open shots, we can toss carton #1. If Westphal could design ways for Omri Casspi to get open shots using off-ball screens as well as establishing Casspi's role, then there's no need for carton 2. Westphal needs to design plays to run the ball through Spencer Hawes at the top of the key which would open the lane up for Jason Thompson and allow Spencer to utilize his passing skills and gain confidence. In process destroying carton 3 and 4. Cartons 5 and 6 are a bit more tricky. I can not explain why Beno or Donte have struggled, but I am a fan, not a head coach. So as fans we must not give up on our team, they will be found! Keep faith, hope, and stay strong!
(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)
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First, very creative photoshopping
And a fun idea.
But if you watched last night’s game, you’d have seen that Martin is no longer milk-carton worthy, Casspi shot 4-7, Spencer grabbed 9 rebounds and shot 50%, and while Beno had a bad night against the Jazz, he’s been pretty solid all year.
The only missing in action currently would be JT, Donté, and No(ooooo)ce. And Hilton Armstrong, but he might just be a lost cause.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Jan 30, 2010 11:51 AM PST reply actions
Thanks for actually commenting
One game does not mean some one has found their game. Ike Diogu had 3 good games all last season, does that mean he wasn’t a lost cause? any one can have 1 good game. Same goes for Casspi and Spencer. And while Beno has been solid all season, he has been non-existant as of late.
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 12:06 PM PST up reply actions
Well, I thought about singing
But I’m still depressed from last night’s loss.
I’d be surprised if Martin and Casspi backslide. And Westphal said in his postgame on Tuesday that they’ve been trying to get Spencer to “play big” all season and that it seemed like the light had gone on in the last couple of days, so I’m hopeful there. Beno isn’t going to struggle long, I don’t think. But he’s probably still adjusting to the new rotations and lineups. Plus Utah is a tough defensive team.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Jan 30, 2010 12:47 PM PST up reply actions
We are all depressed but "Our team will be found"
Martin and Casspi may not backslide, but no one knows for certain therefore, they still need to be found. I was not aware of the quote on Spencer, that makes me feel better about him.
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 1:06 PM PST up reply actions
I enjoyed this
rec’d
"Sometimes the capriciousness of youth anesthetizes common sense." -Let Geoff's words guide our patience this season.
by AnotherStupidSN on Jan 30, 2010 1:16 PM PST reply actions
Thanks...
I really appreciate it :)
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 2:37 PM PST up reply actions
Speed wasn't missing
It was just his shot that disappeared for a while. Turns out it was on the top shelf of his locker—right about where Arena’s kept his guns.
""Balance your right to dissent, with your responsibility to contribute."
Gordan Ryan
by SavageBeast on Jan 30, 2010 1:57 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
RECD
but KMart isnt found after 1 game of decent productivity
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 2:47 PM PST up reply actions
I'll take that bet.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Jan 30, 2010 3:10 PM PST up reply actions
It certainly is a possibility
but there’s no guarantee that he’s back to himself
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 3:29 PM PST up reply actions
That sir you do
congrats :P
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 11:28 AM PST up reply actions
Thanks
But don’t call me sir.
(Hint: Check the sig line.)
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Jan 31, 2010 11:52 AM PST up reply actions
Ahhhhhh
My apologies MAM
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 12:11 PM PST up reply actions
dunno if u win after kevs performance last night
my verdict: LOST
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Feb 2, 2010 3:22 AM PST up reply actions
Bad shooting night (though still had 22 on 17 shots)
Not a bad night defensively, more rebounds than Jason Thompson, the best ball handler on a night where the KIngs had a lot of trouble in that category (6 assists to 1 turnover).
Found, to anyone that gives it more than a casual look.
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
so 22 on 17 shots with 1 turnover
is what u expect from ur best player? i expect more from him so im still looking for him
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Feb 2, 2010 9:36 AM PST up reply actions
I'll take it
when he’s having a bad night and his shot isn’t falling.
A great player finds a way to contribute even when he’s not scoring. See Billups, Chauncy.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 10:08 AM PST up reply actions
For the record
Martin scored 22 on 17 shots (5/17, 10/11FT).
Billups scored 23 on 25 shots (6/25, 8/9 FT).
Billups took eight more shots to score one more point. But I don’t think anyone would dispute that he’s a great player.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 10:12 AM PST up reply actions
Billups is very very good
I don’t know if he’s great. He’s been a borderline All-Star for the last 6-7 years or so. Whether he’s better than that I don’t know.
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea
Doesn't make him a great player.
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea
That's pretty high standards there.
Being the most valuable player on the best team in the league has got to get you pretty close to great.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 1:07 PM PST up reply actions
I have high standards.
I don’t award franchise player status to everybody.
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea
I didn't say franchise player.
In Denver, for better or worse, that title would go to ’Melo.
I’m saying Billups will be in the HOF, and he is generally considered great, one of the top PGs in the league.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Feb 2, 2010 3:03 PM PST up reply actions
That I don't agree with.
He is not a lock for the HOF if Dennis Johnson is not.
UNLESS that underground cavern was a David Thorpe run training facility. The problem of course, is that players really need to play in NBA game situations for them to develop well. So a league of cyborgs needs to be built along with a regulation-sized stadium and tons of fake fans to simulate real NBA games to develop the players. Though at this point the team is spending billions of dollars to develop those players, so you know… maybe it would be smarter to just wait. -- Iashwash
I would hope for better shooting
That is a far cry from “still missing.”
For example, you used improper grammar in your response, but you are probably a far cry from being an idiot. While I may hope for more, you still contributed. Or should I report you as missing?
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
I thought this thread was going to be a tribute to the great Chuck Person...
The greatest assistant coach in the Sacramento era.
LOL
No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Oh, hes in the laegue two and Jayson Thomson and that Boggins dude on Milwokee, and Occur for the Jizz. Its a talented laegue.--Kfan in Korea
sorry 2 disappoint you
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 30, 2010 2:47 PM PST up reply actions
Very well done - Updated report from the search team:
- Kevin -Found alive with a pulse and expected to have a full recovery
- Omri – Friends report if not found now, he will show up at the All-Star Game
- Spencer – Last seen with his head in a cloud
- Jason – When you find Spencer, JT will probably be with him
- Donte – Not lost, just playing games. Last seen playing hide and go seek
- Beno – Was told he could be found in the Drain -O (sorry)
To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.
by Slam_Dunk on Jan 30, 2010 4:13 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Spencer is easy to find....
you look at the bench during 4th quarters…
by getPGwithbounce on Jan 30, 2010 10:03 PM PST up reply actions
Good uodate...
Kevin- 1 more game like this and Kevin will be home safely.
Omri- If he embarasses us at the All-Star game, he might as well stay missing.
Spencer- Is that a tall joke?
Jason- He just needs to grow up.
Donte- He doesn’t make his presence known like he used to even when he’s playing.
Beno- The Tazmanian Slovanian needs his spin back
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 12:42 AM PST up reply actions
Nicely done,
as long as you’re not lactose intolerant.
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Jan 30, 2010 4:40 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
Yeah well until tonights game
Haven’t you noticed that Tyreke Evans is the only one showing up?
Tyreke Evans for R.O.Y!
by sac-townz finest on Jan 31, 2010 12:38 AM PST up reply actions
Beno and Spencer are fine
Beno has been a dynamo at point. No player is going to be at peak performance everygame except Super Stars. Beno’s comeback is the bigges story of the Kings year. And his stats are outstanding if you look at effective stats meaning you look at stat and context not just stat only.
As for Hawes I am seeing the muscle memory moves happening that will continue his progress towards greatness. Tall players have a tendency for this muscle memory skill development to start at the lower ends of their extremities and work their way up the body trunk. That is why is it so hard to see, assuming that someone is trained to look for it. But it is their and it will hit in the last 20 games of the season. Even then, his statistics, when placed in game context are much better than people give him credit for.
Second updated report from the search team
* Kevin -Although he was found last week, now some people want to chase him out of town
* Omri –His fans found him, he is doing well, no worries
* Spencer – Took his head out of the clouds and put it back on his head for the Denver game
- Jason – Still missing and fans are voicing their concern
- Donte – No longer lost, but still plays hide and seek
- Beno – He was found having a good hair day.
To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.
Addendum - Other sightings from the search team
- Sergio – Although reported lost in the garbage, was rediscovered by Westphal
- Nocioni – Many didn’t notice that he had gone missing was discovered by NoceOne
- Brockman – Seen making some shots, could have been his “double”
- Armstrong – Has gone off the radar
- May – Back on the radar
To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.
May is stuck at the scorer's table
He doesn’t see any plates and the napkins and silverware are missing too.
"If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest of men, I will find something in them which will hang him." - Cardinal Richelieu
Life is tough when you are put on a diet.
To be the best, you have to do your best. Otherwise, you are only second-rate.

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