Peachy Moment of the Year: Grant Napear's Sweet Nothings to Tyreke Evans
by Tom Ziller on Apr 14, 2010 12:00 PM PDT
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PrintThis is an award close to my heart. From the official Sactown Royalty Awards rulebook, Article XI section 4b:
Nominees for Peachy Moment of the Year must exhibit legendary levels of insufferable prickishdom, as well as substantial arseholery and evidence of a surfacing God complex. Nominees which show any shred of dignity or moral fiber are immediately dismissed without prejudice.
And the nominees are ...
* Grant Napear's KHTK trashing of Kevin Martin in January and February.
* Grant Napear's incensed reaction to the chant of "Peea-ches!" at StR Night II: The Peachquel.
* Grant Napear's never-ending bleating about Tyreke Evans.
* Grant Napear's allegations that players must only sit when they have a broken bone.
* Grant Napear's stalkerish behavior toward Tyreke Evans in the locker room.
And the winner is ...
Grant Napear's stalkerish behavior toward Tyreke Evans in the locker room.
An anonymous reporter visiting ARCO Arena for a late-season Kings game sent this locker room report along. Some details have been changed to protect the innocent. Please do not attempt to guess the reporter -- we will not give up their identity, and I'll delete guesses made in the comments which are not incredibly hilarious.
Grab a beer and sit down, this one's a doozy.
Tyreke's locker is at the far end of the locker room. It's set up that there is this plate of fruit on a counter about four feet from his locker. After the game, I noticed Grant was hovering around Tyreke's locker before he came out from the shower. Grant was picking at the fruit plate while clearly just waiting.
Finally, Evans comes out from the shower to his locker and starts slowly getting dressed. And then Grant starts talking to him in a weird way. He's not facing Tyreke or the media. He's kind of looking at the corner of the room while he stuffs his mouth with fruit. He starts saying all of these things to Tyreke without really looking at him. Tyreke puts on his underwear and jeans and Peaches says, "Tyreke, let me f-cking tell you. I've never f-cking seen anybody f-cking pull a f-cking move like that on [opposing defender] ever. Not f-cking ever."
Tyreke isn't a very conversational guy anyway but the whole interaction is really weird. It's like Grant is the friend of a bully and he's trying to bump up the guy's ego even though the "bully" doesn't seem to care what is being said. Grant continues, "You f-cking should have had 16 or 17 fucking assists tonight. If your f-cking teammates would f-cking make some f-cking shots, you'd have had your f-cking triple double really f-cking easy."
At this point, it's just uncomfortable. Grant is swearing WAY too much -- like a 14-year old trying to sound cool in front of his friends. And Tyreke is just giving him mild acknowledgments because 1) probably didn't care what Grant thought and 2) he's trying to get dressed and it's weird to be talking to him like this when he's trying to get dressed. But Grant keeps talking to him. It's in a way that it feels like the purpose of it is to be able to say that he and Tyreke speak after games. Only Tyreke isn't speaking. Grant doesn't talk to any of the players after games. Just Tyreke. He's completely trying to buddy up with him. And Tyreke just looks uncomfortable the entire time.
Grant finally stops trying to force conversation out of Tyreke who is clearly trying to avoid it at this point. Peaches grabs his briefcase and starts walking away. But still manages "alright Tyreke, I'll probably see you tomorrow." And doesn't say goodbye to ANYBODY ELSE in the locker room. He has to walk across the entire locker room to leave but only says bye to Tyreke.
There's something very stalkerish about the whole thing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the voice of your Sacramento Kings, the one and only Grant F-cking Napear!
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Is that a real report??
If it is that is very suspect. Just strange.
Did anyone listen to Napear when he guest hosted for Jim Rome last Friday? He took his slurping of Tyreke on National airways.
"Even the Swedes are getting mad."-Randy Hahn
"It's very cozy in the sin bin."-Randy Hahn
yeah, it was kind of embarrasing
Its one think to do it on local radio, but to slurp away on national radio is sad.
i missed it
but i figured it would be All Reke, All Day.
I swear Peaches is going to make start disliking Reke just because “too much of a good thing”, you know?
"every once in a while a kernel of truth...uhh... corn is revealed in my usual pile of poop" - betweentheeyes
What happened in the world when Peaches is allowed to guest host for national radio?
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 12:10 PM PDT up reply actions
I don't know
"Even the Swedes are getting mad."-Randy Hahn
"It's very cozy in the sin bin."-Randy Hahn
I guess they wanted someone nearly as annoying as Rome.
"Sometimes the capriciousness of youth anesthetizes common sense." -Let Geoff's words guide our patience this season.
by AnotherStupidSN on Apr 14, 2010 12:31 PM PDT up reply actions
He's actually not bad on the Rome show.
He’s a million times better than Rome is.
Which, in all honesty, really isnt that hard.
Hmmm...
Did anyone find it ironic that the peach was eating fruit?
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 12:06 PM PDT reply actions
Donner
party of 5
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
by vfettke on Apr 14, 2010 1:07 PM PDT up reply actions 7 recs
i so want this to be true
I’m clicking my ruby slippers and everything.
“It’s like Grant is the friend of a bully and he’s trying to bump up the guy’s ego even though the “bully” doesn’t seem to care what is being said." HAHAHA
"every once in a while a kernel of truth...uhh... corn is revealed in my usual pile of poop" - betweentheeyes
Shaddap
that is exactly what I thought Grant was like in real life...
Although I will say that I also expected Grant to be trying to dangle grapes in front of Tyreke’s mouth. Or maybe wanting Tyreke to dangle some “grapes” in front of his.
"The Kings have nothing to lose but their games."
Tyreke doesn't have "grapes". He has "watermelons".
"Sometimes the capriciousness of youth anesthetizes common sense." -Let Geoff's words guide our patience this season.
by AnotherStupidSN on Apr 14, 2010 12:40 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
in actuality
it would be that he has “mahbles”
by larry_funderburke on Apr 14, 2010 1:23 PM PDT up reply actions
"Grant Napear's incensed reaction to the chant of "Peea-ches!" at StR Night II: The Peachquel"
I wasn’t at the Peachquel, so what was his reaction?
When we took our group picture instead of "cheese" we said "peaches"
and he was visibly pissed
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
Oh, man, he turned red instantly. And then we took another picture and said it again.
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance. Vonnegut
Wow
I love you guys. Haha. The Peachquel sounded epic (though I believe it was before I had discovered the wonders of StR…).
Wow
I wonder what Grant had in his briefcase
by wabut on Apr 14, 2010 12:12 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Pictures of tyreke sleeping.
And cut off head pictures of him and tyreke glued on top of a bride and groom pic.
by BearKing on Apr 14, 2010 1:34 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Brilliant.
How is this not green yet?
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
Still photos of Tyreke sleeping probably
or a Tyreke Hair Doll
by mbcarval on Apr 14, 2010 12:47 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Brrrrr
I just got a chill. This sounds pretty outlandish, but so has Grant’s on-air massaging of Tyreke all season.
I've got squirrels in my pants!
I wonder if Grant has some sort of motive for all of this Reke love?
"Even the Swedes are getting mad."-Randy Hahn
"It's very cozy in the sin bin."-Randy Hahn
he just wants to be
the John Madden to Reke’s Brett Favre
"every once in a while a kernel of truth...uhh... corn is revealed in my usual pile of poop" - betweentheeyes
Those are some big shoes to fill my friend
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 12:40 PM PDT up reply actions
he's cheap
and was just trying to shoot the shizz so he could get away with stuffing his fat face with other peoples fruit and or reproductive organs.
I still loved it when
Grant started going on and on and on about Tyreke to Phat Lever and Gary Gerralds (spelling?) and they both just looked at each other and laughed. You can tell they were all getting so tired of it.
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 12:15 PM PDT reply actions
Can we all please sign a petition to send Napear back to NY or wherever he claims to be from.
This is just crazy.
This guy does not need to be involved with the team in any way shape or form.
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance. Vonnegut
The first three names on that petition
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 12:22 PM PDT up reply actions
1)Jerry Reynolds
2)Phat Lever
3)Gary Geralds
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 12:22 PM PDT up reply actions
Did
Mike Lamb at least come up for air to say goodbye as well?
by Dub_TC on Apr 14, 2010 12:37 PM PDT reply actions 5 recs
Wow
Grant has a brief case, thats the amazing part
By the way on TV I noticed that he was not wearing his wedding ring, did he use to wear one or is there something more to this
The sad thing is that this story could be totally BS but sadly it feels like its something Grant would do as thats the way he carries himself. What a way to craft ones image
I noticed that before too
I think he just wants Tyreke to think he’s a single lady
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 1:12 PM PDT up reply actions
I wish I had photoshop here at work
until then just imagine Peaches’ head over the lovely Beyonce’s
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
I will not!
"Sometimes the capriciousness of youth anesthetizes common sense." -Let Geoff's words guide our patience this season.
by AnotherStupidSN on Apr 14, 2010 1:25 PM PDT up reply actions
Thanks alot! Way to ruin Beyonce for everyone everywhere
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 4:34 PM PDT up reply actions
Did Grant ever say to Tyreke, "Can you believe you're only 20?!"
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
Or "I'm so glad you're over 18!"
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance. Vonnegut
by Ice_9ine on Apr 14, 2010 1:12 PM PDT up reply actions 12 recs
Ha rec'd!
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 1:13 PM PDT up reply actions
Donté'd
Amazing.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
Was the reporter
Samantha Hammock?
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
by vfettke on Apr 14, 2010 1:15 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
What?
I’m sure sHe would never say anything so inflammatory.
StR Token Female
by LeaguePassAddict on Apr 14, 2010 1:41 PM PDT up reply actions
The fact that some of us don't really know if the story is true or false
should just tell everyone what they need to know about Peaches Napear
"Children want what they want when they want it." ... Andy Sims
The story is true
We trust our source. It’s Scot Pollard. He had Grant bugged years ago as a joke.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
What? Hey man don't drag me into this!
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 4:37 PM PDT up reply actions
funny when...
he tried to say he stumbled upon reke in portland at nike store but he probably was stocking him.
by larry_funderburke on Apr 14, 2010 1:25 PM PDT reply actions
Hey Aykis
This story sounds to me like an excellent jumping off point for this summer’s first Doratio Kane mystery: “Doratio Kane and the case of Tyreke’s Missing Underpants” (suggestions for more clever titles welcome)
"Sometimes the capriciousness of youth anesthetizes common sense." -Let Geoff's words guide our patience this season.
by AnotherStupidSN on Apr 14, 2010 1:28 PM PDT reply actions
Those stories are a lot harder to do than I thought
It felt a little forced the last time I tried.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
Hit me up if you wanna collaborate
I think of plenty of stuff, but never enough for a full story
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
You need to keep your mind and body fresh
So you can wow the scouts at Combine.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
Are you gonna be my agent?
We really need to try to get this thing off the ground. I really do want to declare for the draft. I just wish I knew what I needed to submit and who to submit it to
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
The Army called.
Here’s your draft for ya.
Tanking? I don't know what you're talking about, tanking. I'm just losing more efficiently.
There are a lot of funny comments
But, honestly, this is a very creepy story and is uncomfortable just to read. It makes Grant appear just as juvenile and immature as he seems. It blows me away that he keeps his job, unless he makes so little the Kings don’t care.
The one reporting the occurance is always the last one that you expect
That would mean that the mole is…
“And if you don’t f-cking like that, you don’t f-cking like Kings basketball. Oh f-cking boy!”
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Apr 14, 2010 1:50 PM PDT reply actions 6 recs
Makes perfect sense
This way he gets even more attention. I think someone needs to call in to Sportsline today and ask about it.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
turn the sprinklers on...
grant napear’s hair is on FIRE!!!
by larry_funderburke on Apr 14, 2010 3:33 PM PDT up reply actions
This really needs to be reenacted
Who is good with that animated video doohicky thingy?
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
I really sort of want to do a live re-enacment
But I’m sure I could figure it out. Let me give it a shot.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
It would also be great
if you could do the reenactment with a pair of 8 year old kids, properly attired.
Or a chimp.
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
Here's a great agency I know of to find someone to play Peaches
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
Pedophile?
Why, that’s an awfully big word for an 8 year old.
And there you have it – a great punchline, just waiting for a joke to be written around it.
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Apr 14, 2010 2:11 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Lol, molester jokes always get me.
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance. Vonnegut
He’s a sex offender, with a record. He did six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight-year-old. When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door-to-door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
What’s a “pederast,” Walter?
Shut the fu*k up, Donny.
If incessant and obsessive discussion about a basketball player qualifies someone as being gay, then everybody – and I mean everybody – who posts on this site is totally flaming. - Corbin
Ok this is turning out pretty funny
Give me a half hour.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
i tried working on it, but either my computer sucks worse than I thought it did, or the website is crap as well.
I finished
Its on the Frontpage.
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
Aykis, make the call.
Dateline: To Catch a Predator with Chris Hansen
Tanking? I don't know what you're talking about, tanking. I'm just losing more efficiently.
Goddamn,
Wish i had photo shop right now. New hard drive in laptop so i don’t.
I’d dig doing one of Grant as Jay and ’Reke as Silent bob…
I have an idea
(First, I’m not a big Napear fan, I’m not a big Sactownroyalty fan, I’m a big Kings fan. Whatever source has the best info is where I’m going to read/listen)
Why don’t you guys start a blog that focuses on Napear and then have a blog about Kings basketball? That way, the people who want good Kings information, do not have to sift through the crappy Napear pieces that appear way too much. I understand how you can dislike Grant, he’s pompous and annoying at times, but the focus on him is so weak. If I were him, I’d be more flattered than anything by all the attention. Apparently, this blog is supposed to be the best source of Kings information out there, and most of the time it is…but the Napear stuff is like a one-sided cat fight. It’d be one thing if Grant was on the air ripping Sactownroyalty, but he probably doesn’t give a sh** about it.
As an outsider of this blog clique, I’m sure I’ll hear it from the peanut gallery. But like I said, I just want good Kings info – I’m not here to write jokes and one liners all day.
With Amick gone, and more Voisin articles on the horizon, you guys are going to be a solid source of Kings info. Keep up the good work on the Kings pieces, I enjoy reading those. But I think it would be a better site if the personal attacks on Napear were placed in another blog. Nothing personal, just an idea.
I definitely agree that Napear most likely thinks it's flattering that we talk about him
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 5:06 PM PDT up reply actions
Oh and Grant, we don't appreciate your feeble attempts to get a blog dedicated to you
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 5:09 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
I guess I qualify for this now
This is Black Dynamite for Anaconda Malt Liquor... Once you pop the top, the panties drop
by prowseinthehouse on Apr 14, 2010 8:50 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
there's something interesting you can try if you don't like the Grant Napear posts
don’t click on them.
Appreciate the input
But no thanks. I’m here only to write jokes and one liners all day. I don’t even like the Kings. But I love belonging to a blog clique – a dream come true.
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Apr 14, 2010 5:32 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Again? Seriously? Get off the man's orange fuzzy ones, okay?
The word that I wanna call you right now might get me banned. Just know that its a female body part
And it rhymes with hunt
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
Mulva? Gipple?
Delores!
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Apr 14, 2010 8:18 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
Somehow I knew you'd go there
rec’d
#vfettkefordraft
"The Kings will get a top 3 pick in the 2010 draft. Book it!"
Good thing
you also have the choice to open this posts or not. You chose to open it so too bad for you. You can always close it. That little ‘X’ on the top right corner is your friend
"Children want what they want when they want it." ... Andy Sims
Sactown Royalty is an entertainment website.
Yes, it does contain a lot of straight information about basketball, but basketball is a sport, and sports are ultimately just entertainment. We’re not all here trying to solve the global economic crisis or anything. Those of us who come here and “write jokes and one liners all day” (guilty as charged) do so because that is how we (I) choose to spend our entertainment time. Some people watch a bunch of TV or read about politics all day. I come here and say stupid pointless shit about basketball and all sorts of other stuff because I don’t really fancy myself an expert on anything but I like having somewhere to go and learn about basketball and talk about my favorite team.
Also, Grant Napear is a public figure, so as far as I’m concerned he’s fair game. It’s really not any different than us talking about or making jokes about one of the Kings’ players (some of whom have gotten it at least as bad as Peaches).
"Sometimes the capriciousness of youth anesthetizes common sense." -Let Geoff's words guide our patience this season.
by AnotherStupidSN on Apr 14, 2010 10:03 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Like poor Sean May
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
This post made my season.
If you don’t fucking like that, you don’t like NBA fucking basketball
Dip til I rip
by Muff209 on Apr 15, 2010 8:11 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
Dalt
When we gonna get your rankings this year?
Grandmaster of the "Never let AnotherStupidSN forget what a Sham-Wow is" Order and Originator of the "Brock Ness Monster".
I was wondering as well
I’d love to see a recap of dalt’s rankings from last year vs. actual performance.
I've got squirrels in my pants!
This was awesome
He just has that look to him. My favorite part is when Peaches forces the curse words because that’s how the cool kids talk.
Morty
#52
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