Public Enemy #1
Sacramento Kings owners Joe & Gavin Maloof posted this letter on the team's website after Dominic McGuire’s announcement that he was leaving for the Charlotte Bobcats (Note – the preceding and proceeding may or may not have actually occurred. Taxes not included. Your mileage may vary.)
Dear Sacramento, All of Northeast California and Sacramento Kings Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening (San Diego – close enough), is no longer a Sacramento King.
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment. However, as it was on the "We" channel at the exact same moment as LeBron James’ announcement, you may have missed it.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Kings have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you. OK, there was one time, but we were really, really drunk. Lesson learned – we will never again speak with Tony Massenburg’s agent after six tequila shooters. But we digress.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal. L*ker fans deserve it. And maybe Heather Fargo. But not you.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, we want to make one statement to you tonight:
"WE PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE SACRAMENTO KINGS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘CLEANER’ WINS ONE"
While we’re at it, we’d like to offer another guarantee: "THE KINGS NEW QUARTER SEASON PLAN CAN’T BE BEAT! THE PRICING AND SEAT LOCATIONS ARE INSANE!!!"
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Sacramento, we can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels. We’re more ticked off than the time that we were all at the Palms and Phil stole away with all of the hookers – but we digress.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Sorry, but that's simply not how it works. We think that the Ozark Mountain Daredevils said it best: "If you want a drink of water, you have to get it from a well, and if you want to get to heaven, you have to raise a little hell." Wait, that doesn’t help us prove our point at all. Scratch that.
This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become, like, for example, a developer that would build a new arena in Sacramento.
But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Sacramento, CA. Oh, you didn’t know that the region is cursed? Well, it has been, so there.
The self-declared former "Cleaner" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Sacramento and California (and the Del Paso Road "In-N-Out," to whom he still owes $5.94), McGuire (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Sleep well, Sacramento.
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....
We PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....
OK, two things – we still may steal off to Vegas for a weekend. We have a score to settle with Phil.
Gavin and Joe Maloof
Majority Owner Sacramento Kings