Best Required Jon Brockman Haiku of 2010

The Jon Brockman haiku thread got out of hand. So many haikus were so good we'll slap the top ones here.

It's little surprise one of our resident published authors, SavageBeast, would have the top rec getter:

Nessie awakens
And players part like water
Farewell mighty beast

Funnyman vfettke also came strong:

"Pancakes!" he bellowed.
The waitress brought them quickly
"Get in my belly!"

Aykis16, inventor of the Brock Ness Monster marketing juggernaut, went meta:

Brock Ness I dubbed thee
Jerry heard and spread the word
Yet Shaq gets credit.

tomroadrunner went blue:

He had tree trunk legs
Dominated in the paint
Ate glass, shat awesome

Exhibit G ties in the previous loss of Joey Dorsey:

First, Kraken released
Now, Brockness Monster traded
Mythical beasts gone

The great andy sims offered up a highly recommended triptych:

Cakes of man you served
As fluffy as an anvil
falling on one’s balls

Rebounds? What the hell?
We shoot, we miss. Run away!
Brockman changed the style.

The thing that hurts most
is that we’ll never see you
pimp The Good Feet Store

We also had two poets ditch the haiku form in favor of something a bit longer. Check those after the jump.

And thanks to everyone who participated. I feel this has been a cathartic release for the city of Sacramento.

SamYam gave us an epic sonnet:

He came here one night from a state up north
Part of a trade for some chocolate of Spain
Did not take long for him to prove his worth
Throwing his elbows and causing some pain

Grabbed rebounds like they were some sort of drug
He crashed the boards like he needed a fix
Perhaps Sir Mancakes just needed a hug
He would beat the scrum, win out from the mix

Now, the Monster of Brock Ness must depart
All for a pick and a man from D-League
We never forget his hustle and heart
His taking Chi-Town like a fierce blitzkrieg

We wish you so much luck at your next stop
I’m sure that Milwaukee has an IHOP

And some brilliant verse by CrownedPotential:

You’re a clone on Romes show; Twitter icon above the rest
And you jumped into the stands the right way (Unlike Ron Artest)

You couldn’t win a footrace with Monte
Or a dunk off against Donte
You were paid the minimum in dollars
But you stayed bruising, physical, and blue collar.

The comeback in Chicago; The perfect draft in New York
That time you slaughtered all those pancakes with your fork

The memories have come and gone
In our hearts you’ll stay
But I hope you’ll become a broadcaster
And save us all from Jim Gray

So trade in you pancakes for some sake
And take your talents to Milwaukee
Wherever you go; We will be your fan
His Brockness; the monster; Mr. Jon Brockman

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