Best Required Jon Brockman Haiku of 2010

by Tom Ziller on Jul 21, 2010 6:37 AM PDT

The Jon Brockman haiku thread got out of hand. So many haikus were so good we'll slap the top ones here.

It's little surprise one of our resident published authors, SavageBeast, would have the top rec getter:

Nessie awakens
And players part like water
Farewell mighty beast

Funnyman vfettke also came strong:

"Pancakes!" he bellowed.
The waitress brought them quickly
"Get in my belly!"

Aykis16, inventor of the Brock Ness Monster marketing juggernaut, went meta:

Brock Ness I dubbed thee
Jerry heard and spread the word
Yet Shaq gets credit.

tomroadrunner went blue:

He had tree trunk legs
Dominated in the paint
Ate glass, shat awesome

Exhibit G ties in the previous loss of Joey Dorsey:

First, Kraken released
Now, Brockness Monster traded
Mythical beasts gone

The great andy sims offered up a highly recommended triptych:

Cakes of man you served
As fluffy as an anvil
falling on one’s balls

Rebounds? What the hell?
We shoot, we miss. Run away!
Brockman changed the style.

The thing that hurts most
is that we’ll never see you
pimp The Good Feet Store

We also had two poets ditch the haiku form in favor of something a bit longer. Check those after the jump.

And thanks to everyone who participated. I feel this has been a cathartic release for the city of Sacramento.

SamYam gave us an epic sonnet:

He came here one night from a state up north
Part of a trade for some chocolate of Spain
Did not take long for him to prove his worth
Throwing his elbows and causing some pain

Grabbed rebounds like they were some sort of drug
He crashed the boards like he needed a fix
Perhaps Sir Mancakes just needed a hug
He would beat the scrum, win out from the mix

Now, the Monster of Brock Ness must depart
All for a pick and a man from D-League
We never forget his hustle and heart
His taking Chi-Town like a fierce blitzkrieg

We wish you so much luck at your next stop
I’m sure that Milwaukee has an IHOP

And some brilliant verse by CrownedPotential:

You’re a clone on Romes show; Twitter icon above the rest
And you jumped into the stands the right way (Unlike Ron Artest)

You couldn’t win a footrace with Monte
Or a dunk off against Donte
You were paid the minimum in dollars
But you stayed bruising, physical, and blue collar.

The comeback in Chicago; The perfect draft in New York
That time you slaughtered all those pancakes with your fork

The memories have come and gone
In our hearts you’ll stay
But I hope you’ll become a broadcaster
And save us all from Jim Gray

So trade in you pancakes for some sake
And take your talents to Milwaukee
Wherever you go; We will be your fan
His Brockness; the monster; Mr. Jon Brockman

Tweet Comment 26 comments | 1 recs |

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Comments

Thanks TZ

That was a lot of fun, and got me wasting way too much time I should have been spending on my latest WIP reading all the awesome entries. Someone’s got to make a rap song out of CrownedPotential’s entry.

"And I never said I don’t like KMart. I just don’t think the duo is good for the team. They are essentially two of the same player"

Sammyp831.

by SavageBeast on Jul 21, 2010 7:50 AM PDT reply actions

Congratulations!

Now get back to work. (Not to nag or anything…)

StR Token Female

by LeaguePassAddict on Jul 21, 2010 8:20 AM PDT up reply actions

Uh oh, mom'd mad!

#vfettkefordraft

by vfettke on Jul 21, 2010 8:47 AM PDT up reply actions

mom's*

#vfettkefordraft

by vfettke on Jul 21, 2010 8:47 AM PDT up reply actions

Thanks!!

It was alot of fun to write.

by CrownedPotential on Jul 21, 2010 8:49 AM PDT up reply actions

Holy crap! Those haikus were really good!

And I loved the poetry! Dang, you guys are good!

There can only be one Noce!

by NoceOne on Jul 21, 2010 8:19 AM PDT reply actions

Well Done Everyone

"Dodger fans aren’t happy when foul balls get into their section, because it interferes with their playing with the beachball"- Mike Krukow

by 49er16 on Jul 21, 2010 8:23 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs

Haiku

Farewell John Brockman.
Your passion and energy
Will be truly missed. :-(

by TheFNG on Jul 21, 2010 9:47 AM PDT via mobile reply actions

Oh

It wasn’t actually about good poetry?

Fiiiine.
(hehehe)

So imitate the action of the tiger!.
Lend the eye a terrible aspect
- and teach them how to war!
Henry V iii

by lietothegirls on Jul 21, 2010 11:36 AM PDT reply actions

I sent this to Brockman's girlfriend on facebook.

She said she would make sure he sees it.

by mayfieldcol on Jul 21, 2010 11:56 AM PDT reply actions

Hey guys, I have read the last few threads about Jon Brockman.

And being a devote Bucks fan, I am rather excited to see the monster unleashed in Milwaukee. However, I read a lot of posts that said Brockman will have a better opportunity in Milwaukee than in Sacramento.

I strongly disagree with that because I think Milwaukee has more quality depth up front than Sacramento. Bogut (5), Gooden (4), Ilyasova (4+5), Mbah a Moute (4), Sanders (4+5), Gallon (4+5) and Maggette (who has played 4+5, in GS however) could all be in front of him on the depth chart.

So I just wanted to ask, do you think Sacramento is better off at the 4+5 position than the Bucks, because I have a hard time seeing it. Thanks.

by BUCKS on Jul 21, 2010 11:58 AM PDT reply actions

Per 36 last season

Kings
Carl Landry: 19.6 ppg, 6.8 rpg, .9 bpg, .600 TS%
Samuel Dalembert: 11.3 ppg, 13.3 rpg, 2.6 bpg, .573 TS%
Jason Thompson: 14.3 ppg, 9.7 rpg, 1.1 bpg, .518 TS%
+ Demarcus Cousins, Hassan Whiteside (rookies)

Bucks
Andrew Bogut: 17.7 ppg, 11.3 rpg, 2.8 bpg, .540 TS%
Drew Gooden: 15.7 rpg, 11.1 rpg, 1.2 bpg, .547 TS%
Ersan Ilyasova: 15.9 ppg, 9.8 rpg, .4 bpg, .526 TS%
Luc Mbah a Moute: 8.7 ppg, 7.7 rpg, .8 bpg, .530 TS%
+ Gallon, Sanders rookies
Maggette is a 3, Don Nelson is just a maniac.

Brockman: 8.1 ppg, 11.7 rpg, .3 bpg, .564 TS%

Brockman would be, statistically, the best rebounder on your team, whereas the Kings have Dalembert, a better rebounding specialist. Further, comparing offensive rebounding rates, (where Brockman led the league), Carl Landry has historically been excellent (although with the Kings he didn’t do as well), Samuel Dalembert is better than anyone on your team, and Jason Thompson is also very good.

by Deleran on Jul 21, 2010 12:19 PM PDT up reply actions

Bogut and Gooden combined down low are a much stronger rebounding duo than Dalembert and Landry.

Ilyasova also held his own with scrappy offensive rebounds last year. Two of which won them game 5 against the Hawks in the playoffs.

I think the Kings need a pure hustler and rebounder, more than the Bucks do. Tiny Gallon could essentially be a pure rebounder seeing as he throws his 300 pound body into people for position.

by BUCKS on Jul 21, 2010 12:31 PM PDT up reply actions

Our bigs are very similar overall

The Bucks’ may look better, but they 7 big men if you include the rooks, while we have 5. Look at it in terms of the top 3 on each team (Landry, Dally, JT for the Kings and Bogut, Gooden, Illy for the Bucks). Do it that way and things look pretty similar. Bucks score a few more points and grab a few more boards, but the Kings block an extra shot or two and have a slightly higher TS%. As it stands now I think the Bucks frontcourt is better because of Bogut, who is awesome. The Kings’ backcourt is based on a lot of speculation. Landry and Dally are probably not part of the future unless signed for reasonable contracts. Cousins should be better than Bogut, in my opinion, but it’ll take a few years. Whiteside’s potential is all over the board. So right now, Bucks have the better front court. They’re set for the future. The Kings have a lot more riding on potential but could end up being better.

#vfettkefordraft

by vfettke on Jul 21, 2010 12:44 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

nice worded vfettke

what he said.

I am just chiming in that I am impressed to see all of the additions made to the Bucks for this coming season. The front office anté-ed up and you guys have a lot of talent at every position. It is an exciting time to be a Bucks fan. Bon chance!

by betweentheeyes on Jul 21, 2010 4:00 PM PDT up reply actions

Hahahahahahahahahaha

That was a great joke, sir.

You lost me when you implied Maggete will ever play the 4 outside of a Don Nelson offense, and when you implied that Gooden will be an impact player.

Never forget: I am a complete idiot

by Exhibit G on Jul 21, 2010 6:09 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

Jokes on you.

Never did I imply that Maggette (You spelled his name wrong) was going to play the 4 in Milwaukee. Hence me putting “who has played 4+5, in GS however.” Regardless of Maggette, it is no doubt obvious that Milwaukee (as of this year) is deeper at the 4 and 5.

Gooden has always been an impact player. A career average of 12ppg and 8rpg is extremely solid. I am not naive however, and I am aware he plays no defense.

Don’t put words in my mouth, and exaggerate my statements.

by BUCKS on Jul 21, 2010 8:54 PM PDT up reply actions

Oh and sorry to burst your bubble.

But if Drew Gooden is not an impact player…then the only big on your team that is an impact player, by your standards, is Carl Landry.

Per 36 minutes: Drew Gooden: 15.7 rpg, 11.1 rpg, 1.2 bpg, .547 TS% > than every big on Sacramento other than Landry

by BUCKS on Jul 21, 2010 8:56 PM PDT up reply actions

Bogut is a difference maker

The Bucks will be the 9th team to experience Drew Gooden’s “impact” in his 8 year career, and that doesn’t include the fact that he has had two stops in both Chicago and Cleveland. He has not played an entire season with a team since 2006-07, so it appears that his “impact” is felt mostly at the trade deadline.

My bet is that by the end of the season, a good number Bucks fans will like Jon Brockman more than Drew Gooden, stats be damned. That is, if Gooden is still on the Bucks at the end of the season. Of course, with that choke-on-your-own-vomit contract, Gooden could finally be sticking around for awhile.

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Jul 21, 2010 9:04 PM PDT up reply actions 3 recs

Sam Dalembert is an elilte defensive center

and an impact player by any metric.

by Deleran on Jul 21, 2010 10:13 PM PDT up reply actions

Gooden < impact

Comparison of front courts

a question for 30 -40 games into the season

I prefer ours

So imitate the action of the tiger!.
Lend the eye a terrible aspect
- and teach them how to war!
Henry V iii

by lietothegirls on Jul 21, 2010 10:41 PM PDT up reply actions

You need to rethink your statement.

You prefer your big men?

You prefer Samuel Dalembert over Bogut? Samuel is an extremely limited offensive player (I know he is a very good defensive center), who has reached his ceiling. Bogut is 10x better than Dalembert.

Landry is solid, but very small for his position. And, he will probably not be in a Kings uniform in a year or two. Same with Thompson. Your hope remains on Cousins, who is a wild-card. See his last 2 summer league performances.

I’ll take the upside of Sanders, Bogut, Ilyasova, and Gallon over any big men on the Sacramento roster.

by BUCKS on Jul 21, 2010 10:54 PM PDT reply actions

Really?

You’d take the upside of Sanders, IIyasova, and Gallon over Cousins? That is ridiculous.

And Thompson probably won’t be in a kings uniform in a year or two? A young big that averages your “extremely solid” 12.5 points and 8.5 rebounds in his 2nd year. You make it sound like Gooden is a way better player while only averaging 10.7 and 8.8 when he is almost 30.

Talk about biased.

by Smooth Criminal on Jul 21, 2010 11:39 PM PDT up reply actions

The reply button is your friend

Are we talking now, or “in a year or two?” Because while Landry might not be in a Kings uni in a year or two, you’re going to wish that Gooden wasn’t in a Bucks uni in a year or two – not with that albatross contract.

This was Cousins’ first summer league, and he earned honors for being outstanding. It’s only summer league, so I’m not going to get too excited about his performance. But it’s one summer league, not two. And though he may have been inconsistent, he and Wall were seen as being the outstanding rookies. He certainly gave no indication that he’s going to be the next Joe Alexander, that’s for sure.

Bogut is the best big on either team, and I don’t think that this can be objectively argued. After that, it depends on what you’re looking for. Dalembert is the best rebounder/shot blocker, Landry is the best offensive threat (after Bogut), Cousins has the most potential (if Sanders or Gallon had more, they would have been drafted before Cousins), and Gooden has the biggest contract in relation to his talent.

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Jul 22, 2010 7:48 AM PDT up reply actions 3 recs