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Fake Facts About Jimmer

Inspired by the Jimmer 24Q thread comments, I thought it would be fun to add a few fake facts (a la Chuck Norris) for our new rookie sensation. Feel free to add your photoshopped ones too. the weirder the better!

Keep it clean though folks. A wholesome character such as Jimmer should not be tarnished by toilet humour or genital jokes.

the most rec'd comments win the Internet.

The whole Internet.

All of it.


Jimmerfredette_medium

via 2.bp.blogspot.com


(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

Comment 198 comments  |  17 recs  | 

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Are you trying to say Jimmer is the reason Einstein was good at math?

No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

by pookeyguru on Dec 13, 2011 11:25 AM PST up reply actions   2 recs

Well played.

No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

by pookeyguru on Dec 13, 2011 11:42 AM PST up reply actions   1 recs

I think Jimmer is a New Law of Physics

The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal

by Slam_Dunk on Dec 21, 2011 8:58 AM PST up reply actions  

Well actually elementary schools have adopted a new arabic symbol for the number 3...

It is now replaced the letter ‘J’

and the letter ‘J’ is now refered to as the letter formally known as…

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"

by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 12:02 PM PST up reply actions  

So it is possible for Jimmer to be a hypocrite.

Awesome.

No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

by pookeyguru on Dec 13, 2011 11:31 AM PST up reply actions  

Wow.

Maybe Jimmer really is God. Or at least Jesus.

No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

by pookeyguru on Dec 13, 2011 11:43 AM PST up reply actions  

Nope

Jimmer is God, and Jesus.

by chenp22 on Dec 14, 2011 2:25 AM PST up reply actions  

So do we call his 3's

The Holy Trinity?

It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide

by SavageBeast on Dec 14, 2011 7:31 AM PST up reply actions   3 recs

Ohhhhh.

Winner.

No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

by pookeyguru on Dec 13, 2011 12:29 PM PST up reply actions  

This picture should always have the most rec’s

by SharkKings49 on Dec 13, 2011 1:56 PM PST up reply actions  

Clever.

"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie

by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 11:39 AM PST up reply actions  

I lauhged so hard

my wife thought i ws having a seizure, oh history jokes.

by Lotusprime on Dec 13, 2011 8:44 AM PST up reply actions  

Weird thing

Jimmer’s full name? “James Taft Fredette”. No joke.

Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.

by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 9:39 AM PST up reply actions  

There was a method

to my madness, my good sir.

by Gabraham on Dec 13, 2011 10:02 AM PST up reply actions   3 recs

Facebook wants to be Jimmer's friend...

but he doesn’t “like” that.

Aaron "People's Champ" Rodgers
B.S. Replacing a Legend
PhD Becoming a Superbowl MVP
Butte Community College (Chico, CA)

(Brett Favre just registered for classes)

by ajd1083 on Dec 13, 2011 10:26 PM PST up reply actions   2 recs

The Lakers once tried to trade for Chris Paul

but realized Jimmer was still in their division and realized they’d always lose the PG battle.

by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 8:13 AM PST reply actions  

On other planets,

the show “Ancient Jimmers” tells of how Jimmer came to their planet and set up their civilizations.

by SPTSJUNKIE on Dec 13, 2011 9:27 AM PST reply actions   1 recs

Jimmer is gonna stand there and watch you burn.

by Rickyflip on Dec 13, 2011 9:46 AM PST reply actions  

Jimmer

Only man alive who could take Chuck Norris.

by outrider on Dec 13, 2011 9:51 AM PST reply actions  

Winner

A brief comparison between Mormonism and Historic Christianity
http://carm.org/comparison-between-christian-doctrine-and-mormon-doctrine

A former atheist's (me) appeal: Creation Science
http://creation.com/creation-answers

by sac_faithful on Dec 13, 2011 7:09 PM PST up reply actions  

Priceless

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want...and I have plenty of experience!" -Jerry Reynolds

by GlassCleaner on Dec 13, 2011 10:08 PM PST up reply actions  

I got myself a WWJD? bracelet

What would Jimmer do? Only comes in packs of 3.

by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:03 AM PST reply actions   1 recs

When Jimmer drinks, he drinks dos equis

but Jimmer never drinks, which makes him the most interesting man in the world because he’s never thirsty.

by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:08 AM PST reply actions   1 recs

Even the World's Most Interesting Man...

Waited in line to at Walmart just to have his picture taken with Jimmer.

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"

by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 10:13 AM PST reply actions  

The World's Most Interesting Man...

had a press release to declare “Jimmer is the World’s Most Interesting Man!”

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"

by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 10:31 AM PST up reply actions  

Of Course Jimmer would not let his name be used in the above ad.

So the WMIM had to settle for Jagger.

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"

by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 10:32 AM PST up reply actions   1 recs

Jimmer taught my 96 year old paraplegic grandmother how to dougie

and John Wall just after.

"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan

by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:19 AM PST reply actions  

Tebow was a troubled youth, with a long criminal record and three drug addictions

until he met counselor Jimmer at camp one year… the rest is history.

"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan

by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:27 AM PST up reply actions   1 recs

Jimmer's weak spot would be his achilles

but his mother made sure to completely submerge him in the river of Styx.

"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan

by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:36 AM PST up reply actions   2 recs

Who do we play that night?

"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie

by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 10:37 AM PST up reply actions  

lol, hahahaa

"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan

by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:41 AM PST up reply actions  

super win

" 1 + 1 = 3 " - David Kahn

by Shizzo on Dec 14, 2011 12:49 AM PST up reply actions  

Jimmer has no need to drive

As he has 94-foot range on his shot.

He actually has 700-mile range on his shot, but the limits of the game of basketball prevent this from manifesting.

by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 1:56 AM PST up reply actions   3 recs

Make way for Jimmer

The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal

by Slam_Dunk on Dec 21, 2011 9:16 AM PST up reply actions  

Jimmer appear to James Naismith as an Angel

and instructed him on the game of basketball.

by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:53 AM PST reply actions   2 recs

Jimmer's got so much game

Players flop when they see him walking to the scorers table.

by thewaterispoison on Dec 13, 2011 10:55 AM PST reply actions   2 recs

Dwight Howard:

"We're not talking about me and Darko in the same sentence." - Chris Webber vs KAHN!

by caseycheesecake on Dec 13, 2011 11:04 AM PST up reply actions   2 recs

Chuck Norris has shot 20 3pointers in a row, Jimmer has shot Chuck Norris for 3 20 times in a row

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 11:00 AM PST reply actions   3 recs

Haha. Awkward but funny.

"We're not talking about me and Darko in the same sentence." - Chris Webber vs KAHN!

by caseycheesecake on Dec 13, 2011 11:04 AM PST up reply actions  

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 11:04 AM PST reply actions  

Jimmer For 3

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 11:05 AM PST reply actions  

Love it

"Now that you mention it, I DO have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I’ll take the gills." "Yes, gills. Then you don’t need lungs any more, right?" "Can’t imagine why I would."

Twitter and Flickr

by Christina_J on Dec 13, 2011 12:56 PM PST up reply actions  

Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace

because he heard Jimmer was going to set the Staples Center on fire.

by thewaterispoison on Dec 13, 2011 11:23 AM PST reply actions  

Jimmer will someday resolve that whole Israel - Palistine mess

During a TV timeout

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

by lietothegirls on Dec 13, 2011 11:39 AM PST reply actions   3 recs

When Neil Armstrong first walked on the Moon

He found a ball Jimmer had banked off Venus, creating the Copernicus crater.

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

by lietothegirls on Dec 13, 2011 11:48 AM PST reply actions   3 recs

The next lockout will be over which likeness of Jimmer makes the best NBA Logo

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"

by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 11:51 AM PST reply actions   3 recs

oh and in 10 years when the NBA is known as the JBA...nobody will remember who this guy is...

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"

by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 11:54 AM PST up reply actions   1 recs

Little known fact

Jimmer is actually a semi sentient cyborg assassin built by Skynet and sent back in time from the year 2029 to eliminate Sandy Sheedy.

BRING BACK THE ARCO THUNDER....STOMP!

by kfipp on Dec 13, 2011 1:06 PM PST reply actions   2 recs

I think Vanessa should get some credit here.

The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal

by Slam_Dunk on Dec 21, 2011 9:22 AM PST up reply actions  

Guinness Book of World Record has changed it's name to Jimmer's Book

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 1:32 PM PST reply actions   1 recs

Jimmer is boycotting NBA Jams because it lies. He never heats up. He stays on Fire!!!!

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 2:09 PM PST reply actions  

When Jimmer jumps into a swimming pool, he doesnt get wet. The water gets Jimmered.

"First we get jobs, then we get the khakis, then we get the chicks."

by Wonderchild on Dec 13, 2011 2:50 PM PST reply actions   1 recs

Jimmer doesn't jump into swimming pools, he walks across them...

and his feet don’t get wet!

The glass is usually twice as big as it needs to be.

by BaldMatt on Dec 13, 2011 4:22 PM PST up reply actions   4 recs

Jimmer.

"Where hope goes to die"

by napg on Dec 13, 2011 3:27 PM PST reply actions   1 recs

ON ANY GIVEN SUNDAY

Tim Tebow can be seen after a Bronco’s game on 1 knee contemplating how he could be more like Jimmer

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 7:19 PM PST reply actions   2 recs

1 divided by 0 = Jimmer

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 7:23 PM PST reply actions   2 recs

Any number divided by 0 = Jimmer

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 7:24 PM PST reply actions  

I think this season's GB&U should include a "Jimmer Fact of the Week"

Because you know there’s going to be new ones popping up in threads all over the place.

"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie

by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 8:06 PM PST reply actions   3 recs

Great idea.

The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal

by Slam_Dunk on Dec 21, 2011 9:30 AM PST up reply actions  

I was told

He was bench pressing the world.

by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 4:10 AM PST up reply actions  

Jimmer will only play 7 minutes a game...

because he will only allow us mortals to experience 7 minutes of heaven

Sanka....you dead? Ya Man

by prowseinthehouse on Dec 14, 2011 12:44 AM PST reply actions   2 recs

Just in

Stern shot down a LA Clippers – Sacramento trade, involving Gordon, Aminu, Bledsoe, Kaman and a 2013 first round pick for Jimmer, citing basketball reasons. Apparently, the commish believes the Kings should receive more in return.

This comes after the Maloofs complained that sending Jimmer to the Clips was tantamount to making the pick which would go to Sacramento lottery-protected.

by RikSmits on Dec 14, 2011 1:06 AM PST reply actions  

Jimmer Does Not Pray

As talking to yourself is a sign of madness.

by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 1:45 AM PST reply actions   2 recs

The Large Hadron Collider

Has managed to discover the Jimmer particle. THis answers the question of life, the universe and everything.

by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 1:46 AM PST reply actions  

which is, not by coincidence

Chuck Hayes’ jersey number

"Even when I’m old and grey, I won’t be able to play it, but I’ll still love the game." — Michael Jordan

Go Kings!

by Panzerfaust on Dec 14, 2011 4:53 AM PST up reply actions   2 recs

LHC

Large Hayes Collider?

by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 5:04 AM PST up reply actions  

Some of these are fantastic!

There needs to be a level above green for rec’d comments… maybe a gold level?

Or even better? a Jimmer level!

by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 4:12 AM PST reply actions   3 recs

Jimmer appeared to TZ in a dream one night and gave him the idea of creating/pioneering Sactown Royalty.

"Contraction, I didn't say anything about contraction. I'm talking about shrinking the league." - Lebron James

Thanks Lebron, for reminding me how miserable my life is.

by DTG13 on Dec 14, 2011 11:59 AM PST reply actions   1 recs

Jimmer doesn't need ad blockers when he browses the internet

Annoying ads block themselves

It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide

by SavageBeast on Dec 14, 2011 7:00 PM PST reply actions  

Apparently

Jimmer didn’t like your images, either.

Even though the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas!

by LeaguePassAddict on Dec 16, 2011 7:02 AM PST up reply actions  

Jimmer is sooooooo tough

That he thinks Michael (the Animal) Smith was a soft cuddly little kitten

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 15, 2011 9:27 AM PST reply actions  

A TRUE FAKE FACT ABOUT JIMMER

My aunt’s sister’s best friend’s brother works in the maternity ward and said that after the doctor slapped Jimmer’s booty when he was born, Jimmer turned black and purple and straight backhanded-pimp slapped him, did a quick shoulder fake, and then shot his own umbilical cord into the corner waste basket. Jimmer then smiled a wry smile, threw three fingers in the air and said “You just been Jimmered”. He winked at the nurse while heading to the door and said “Meet me at my crib babe”. And with that the legend began.

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 16, 2011 4:53 PM PST reply actions   3 recs

Jimmer

is the 8th wonder of the world.

"The mustache is the epitome of all that is manly" -George Parros

by Cincy Kings Fan on Dec 19, 2011 12:02 AM PST reply actions   1 recs

Jimmer could. . .

make one of 1damutt’s comments go green. You’ve had a rough stretch here bro.

Tariq Abdul-Wahad sings all of your favorite love songs on this 2-record set, "The Rookie & The Nookie." A stack of wax that’ll take your woman to the max!

Side note: This project just resulted in me comparing and contrasting the stats and values of Tariq Abdul-Wahad and Luther Head. Look what you’ve done to us, David Stern. Just look. You monster.

Thanks Exhibit G!!

by killerking on Dec 22, 2011 8:42 AM PST reply actions  

Im using Jimmer tactic

accuracy by volume. I figure if I write enough jokes sooner or later you will like one. Thats ok everybody else does though. feel free to scroll up some and check my other posting or what I wrote in regards to Chuck Hayes when we first heard the bad news. still not digging my style? ok I have a joke just for you…….

What did the fat white girl say to the other fat white girl?
Thank God for black guys.

dont flag it…..I ’m a black guy

No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans

by 1damutt on Dec 24, 2011 10:23 AM PST up reply actions  

Jimmer is so good that....

If he formed his own “Big 3” with Hassan Whiteside and Donte Green they would win the Championship by default.

by PetrieFingSucks on Dec 24, 2011 1:34 PM PST reply actions  

Once the season started, he eventually dropped Hassan and Donte and formed a Big 3 by himself.

by icemanjl on Dec 26, 2011 5:51 PM PST up reply actions  

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