Fake Facts About Jimmer
by Rickyflip on Dec 13, 2011 4:18 AM PST
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Inspired by the Jimmer 24Q thread comments, I thought it would be fun to add a few fake facts (a la Chuck Norris) for our new rookie sensation. Feel free to add your photoshopped ones too. the weirder the better!
Keep it clean though folks. A wholesome character such as Jimmer should not be tarnished by toilet humour or genital jokes.
the most rec'd comments win the Internet.
The whole Internet.
All of it.
(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)
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Okay Okay I'll start!
MC Hammer was taken to court for misrepresentation, because Jimmer could touch this.
by Rickyflip on Dec 13, 2011 4:23 AM PST reply actions 11 recs
A teacher once told Jimmer to “shoot for the moon”. He hit it first try.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 6:30 AM PST reply actions 15 recs
In an effort to cut costs and be more environmentally friendly, NASA cut the space shuttle program. Now they just have Jimmer Fredette launch them into space.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 6:35 AM PST up reply actions 8 recs
When Jimmer rec’s a comment on Sactown Royalty, it automatically Greens it.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 6:41 AM PST up reply actions 13 recs
Jimmer viewed Larry Bird and Michael Jordan’s famous HORSE commercial for McDonald’s as an instructional video.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 9:55 AM PST up reply actions 13 recs
Jimmer shoots his free throws from the free throw line just like everyone else… but he uses the line on the opposite end of the court.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 10:03 AM PST up reply actions 8 recs
Jimmer’s assists are actually a result of him throwing the ball off of teammates into the hoop.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 11:06 AM PST up reply actions 10 recs
Jimmer’s crossover is actually a result of him bending the fabric of space and time..
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 11:09 AM PST up reply actions 8 recs
"E=mc2" has been simplified to "Jimmer".
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 11:16 AM PST up reply actions 8 recs
Are you trying to say Jimmer is the reason Einstein was good at math?
No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
by pookeyguru on Dec 13, 2011 11:25 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs
I'm saying that with Jimmer, math is irrelevant.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 11:36 AM PST up reply actions 10 recs
Well played.
No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
by pookeyguru on Dec 13, 2011 11:42 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs
I think Jimmer is a New Law of Physics
The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal
Well actually elementary schools have adopted a new arabic symbol for the number 3...
It is now replaced the letter ‘J’
and the letter ‘J’ is now refered to as the letter formally known as…
Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"
by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 12:02 PM PST up reply actions
Jimmer shows that it should actually read "E=mc3"
by Kfan in Korea on Dec 14, 2011 9:07 AM PST up reply actions 3 recs
Jimmer shows that the NBA needs to add a 4-point shot at half court and call it a Jimmer.
The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal
A referee once called a foul on Jimmer. The ref then himself for a double technical.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 11:11 AM PST up reply actions 9 recs
The ref then called* himself for a double technical.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
I thought the ambiguity of the made it better.
Former Infant / Future Corpse
by swoosh91 on Dec 13, 2011 5:37 PM PST up reply actions 5 recs
Jimmer never steals a ball, opposing players willingly give him the ball.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 11:16 AM PST up reply actions 8 recs
Jimmer abhors violence, but would punch Rick Fox in the face without thinking twice. For the greater good.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 11:30 AM PST up reply actions 11 recs
So it is possible for Jimmer to be a hypocrite.
Awesome.
No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
Nope. With Jimmer, two conflicting facts can both be completely true.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 11:38 AM PST up reply actions 11 recs
Wow.
Maybe Jimmer really is God. Or at least Jesus.
No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
So do we call his 3's
The Holy Trinity?
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 14, 2011 7:31 AM PST up reply actions 3 recs
Actually Jimmer willed Christie to punch Rick Fox in the face for the greater good.
Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"
by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 12:07 PM PST up reply actions 19 recs
Ohhhhh.
Winner.
No mistakes in the tango, Donna. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....
This picture should always have the most rec’s
by SharkKings49 on Dec 13, 2011 1:56 PM PST up reply actions
At the end of this year, Jimmer will be the only player to have played all 82 regular season games.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 11:33 AM PST up reply actions 18 recs
Clever.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 11:39 AM PST up reply actions
Jimmer has hit a few “Toe-on-the-line” threes. The halfcourt line that is.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 11:51 AM PST up reply actions 9 recs
A few years from now, Jimmer will become the first 6th man of the year to have started every game in his career.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 12:06 PM PST up reply actions 10 recs
Jimmer’s jawline is so strong, it’s used as a blueprint to make sure buildings are earthquake proof.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 14, 2011 9:19 AM PST up reply actions 7 recs
Jimmer’s teams can win a best of 7 playoff series in 3 games.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 14, 2011 9:23 AM PST up reply actions 7 recs
Jimmer DOES expect the Yeti.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 14, 2011 9:23 AM PST up reply actions 11 recs
Someone tried to start a “Fake Facts about Jimmer” thread. The definition of “fake” had to be changed to mean “fucking awesome”
"What the fuck did I do?" - McNulty
by vfettke on Dec 13, 2011 6:36 AM PST reply actions 9 recs
Jimmer once had an argument with Greg Oden’s knees.
by Rickyflip on Dec 13, 2011 6:46 AM PST reply actions 10 recs
Jimmer arrived for a 2:00pm practice at 2:30.
The rest of the team was then punished for being there 30 minutes early.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 6:50 AM PST reply actions 21 recs
The lockout lasted so long because they realised competitive balance could not be achieved with Jimmer entering the league.
by Rickyflip on Dec 13, 2011 7:14 AM PST reply actions 13 recs
Jimmer doesn't have a shooting percentage
because “percentage” insinuates the possibility of missing.
MexicAN AmericAN VegAN
by Mike Garza on Dec 13, 2011 7:18 AM PST reply actions 22 recs
When Jimmer donates blood he asks for a handgun and a bucket.
by Rambaldi on Dec 13, 2011 7:30 AM PST reply actions 12 recs
After the home opener, William Howard Taft will become the frontrunner for the Republican nomination
by Gabraham on Dec 13, 2011 7:43 AM PST reply actions 10 recs
I lauhged so hard
my wife thought i ws having a seizure, oh history jokes.
Weird thing
Jimmer’s full name? “James Taft Fredette”. No joke.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
There was a method
to my madness, my good sir.
by Gabraham on Dec 13, 2011 10:02 AM PST up reply actions 3 recs
When Jimmer wins something
Disneyland comes to him.
To which he replies “fuck Anaheim, HERE WE STAY!”
Aaron "People's Champ" Rodgers
B.S. Replacing a Legend
PhD Becoming a Superbowl MVP
Butte Community College (Chico, CA)
(Brett Favre just registered for classes)
by ajd1083 on Dec 13, 2011 7:50 AM PST reply actions 13 recs
Jimmer would never swear.
In fact, he has never spoken a word with less than five letters.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 7:57 AM PST up reply actions 12 recs
Facebook wants to be Jimmer's friend...
but he doesn’t “like” that.
Aaron "People's Champ" Rodgers
B.S. Replacing a Legend
PhD Becoming a Superbowl MVP
Butte Community College (Chico, CA)
(Brett Favre just registered for classes)
by ajd1083 on Dec 13, 2011 10:26 PM PST up reply actions 2 recs
Jimmer won't be going on a mission trip
He IS the mission
"What the fuck did I do?" - McNulty
by vfettke on Dec 13, 2011 8:02 AM PST via mobile reply actions
The only word that rhymes with “Jimmer” is “orange”
by Gabraham on Dec 13, 2011 8:10 AM PST reply actions 9 recs
Actually
I’m pretty sure purple rhymes with Jimmer
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 13, 2011 9:33 AM PST up reply actions 11 recs
Everything is good with purple
Founder of team Omté Caspeen
by Widowwolf on Dec 13, 2011 9:45 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs
The Lakers once tried to trade for Chris Paul
but realized Jimmer was still in their division and realized they’d always lose the PG battle.
Jimmer once threw a pass to Joe Kleine,
And Kleine actually caught it!
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Dec 13, 2011 8:14 AM PST reply actions 10 recs
Jimmer is the Reason For The Season.
SJSU. Proud Mediocrity Since 1857.
by SierraSpartan on Dec 13, 2011 8:33 AM PST reply actions 6 recs
When Jimmer wins an NBA title
The president comes to his house
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 13, 2011 9:22 AM PST reply actions 13 recs
On other planets,
the show “Ancient Jimmers” tells of how Jimmer came to their planet and set up their civilizations.
by SPTSJUNKIE on Dec 13, 2011 9:27 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Jimmer likes Sacramento
So he WILL put a ring on it.
by Rickyflip on Dec 13, 2011 9:46 AM PST reply actions 15 recs
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 13, 2011 10:36 AM PST up reply actions 43 recs
Winner
A brief comparison between Mormonism and Historic Christianity
http://carm.org/comparison-between-christian-doctrine-and-mormon-doctrine
A former atheist's (me) appeal: Creation Science
http://creation.com/creation-answers
by sac_faithful on Dec 13, 2011 7:09 PM PST up reply actions
Priceless
"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want...and I have plenty of experience!" -Jerry Reynolds
by GlassCleaner on Dec 13, 2011 10:08 PM PST up reply actions
I got myself a WWJD? bracelet
What would Jimmer do? Only comes in packs of 3.
by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:03 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
When Jimmer drinks, he drinks dos equis
but Jimmer never drinks, which makes him the most interesting man in the world because he’s never thirsty.
by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:08 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Even the World's Most Interesting Man...
Waited in line to at Walmart just to have his picture taken with Jimmer.
Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"
by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 10:13 AM PST reply actions
The World's Most Interesting Man...
had a press release to declare “Jimmer is the World’s Most Interesting Man!”
Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"
by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 10:31 AM PST up reply actions
Of Course Jimmer would not let his name be used in the above ad.
So the WMIM had to settle for Jagger.
Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"
by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 10:32 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Jimmer taught my 96 year old paraplegic grandmother how to dougie
and John Wall just after.
"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan
by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:19 AM PST reply actions
Tebow was a troubled youth, with a long criminal record and three drug addictions
until he met counselor Jimmer at camp one year… the rest is history.
"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan
by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:27 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs
When the judge asked me to enter my plea I simply replied "Jimmer"
….the case was thrown out.
"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan
by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:30 AM PST up reply actions 10 recs
Jimmer's weak spot would be his achilles
but his mother made sure to completely submerge him in the river of Styx.
"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan
by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:36 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs
Jimmer has a side job with the U.S. Navy
under the codename “SEAL Team Six”.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 10:19 AM PST reply actions 6 recs
Jimmer inspired every Star Wars movie
His role was known as ‘The Force’.
by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:23 AM PST reply actions 8 recs
Flagged for Twilight Reference
SJSU. Proud Mediocrity Since 1857.
by SierraSpartan on Dec 13, 2011 10:33 AM PST up reply actions 15 recs
Flagged for knowing it was a twighlight reference
by Gabraham on Dec 13, 2011 10:47 AM PST up reply actions 18 recs
This is the result of having a tween daughter.
SJSU. Proud Mediocrity Since 1857.
by SierraSpartan on Dec 13, 2011 10:57 AM PST up reply actions
By the end of this season, tweens will be confused by any reference to Twilight, wondering what any of it has to do with Jimmer.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 11:02 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs
Jimmer is actually the genetic combination of
John Stockton,
Isiah Thomas,
Magic Johnson and
MERlin Olson (Mormon NFL Hall of Famer, and Little House on the Prairie star)
Addendum: Jimmer scored 45 points against TCU on the date of Merlin’s death and 52 against New Mexico exactly 1 year later.
by BurningFeathers on Dec 13, 2011 10:28 AM PST reply actions 6 recs
Who do we play that night?
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 10:37 AM PST up reply actions
Portland - Brandon Roy's knee is fine
Jimmer is the reason Brandon Roy retired.
by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:46 AM PST up reply actions 8 recs
Brandon Roy "I used to be an NBA player, but then I took a Jimmer to the knee"
by JohnSalmons19 on Dec 20, 2011 9:32 AM PST up reply actions 5 recs
Jimmer is the reason Kirilenko is considering signing in Sacramento.
by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:37 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Santa's children have just finished writing their letters to Jimmer.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 10:38 AM PST reply actions 40 recs
lol, hahahaa
"Bobby Jackson sends a dagger DEEP into the heart of Texas!" Kevin Harlan
by Loyalty2Royalty on Dec 13, 2011 10:41 AM PST up reply actions
Defenders don't get out of the way when Jimmer drives to the hoop
He parts them.
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 13, 2011 10:48 AM PST reply actions 8 recs
Jimmer has no need to drive
As he has 94-foot range on his shot.
He actually has 700-mile range on his shot, but the limits of the game of basketball prevent this from manifesting.
by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 1:56 AM PST up reply actions 3 recs
Make way for Jimmer
The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal
Jimmer appear to James Naismith as an Angel
and instructed him on the game of basketball.
by Smills9133 on Dec 13, 2011 10:53 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Breaking News!
One week into lockout shortened 2011-2012 NBA season, Jimmer shocks the world by announcing his retirement from professional basketball. He leaves as the NBA’s all-time leading scorer.
by Skinny Pete on Dec 13, 2011 10:55 AM PST reply actions 7 recs
Jimmer's got so much game
Players flop when they see him walking to the scorers table.
by thewaterispoison on Dec 13, 2011 10:55 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Dwight Howard:
"We're not talking about me and Darko in the same sentence." - Chris Webber vs KAHN!
by caseycheesecake on Dec 13, 2011 11:04 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs
Under the new CBA, each arena is required to have an additional scorekeeper on nights that Jimmer is playing.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 10:59 AM PST reply actions 10 recs
Chuck Norris has shot 20 3pointers in a row, Jimmer has shot Chuck Norris for 3 20 times in a row
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 11:00 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
Haha. Awkward but funny.
"We're not talking about me and Darko in the same sentence." - Chris Webber vs KAHN!
by caseycheesecake on Dec 13, 2011 11:04 AM PST up reply actions
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
Jimmer didn't like your image
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 13, 2011 11:07 AM PST up reply actions 18 recs
Jimmer For 3
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
Jimmer is such a good passer, he can get ten assists
in a game of one-on-one
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 13, 2011 11:08 AM PST reply actions 9 recs
When the Borg met Jimmer
they realized resistance was futile.
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
by SavageBeast on Dec 13, 2011 11:11 AM PST reply actions 8 recs
Its impossible for Jimmer to travel
Since he doesn’t run, he glides.
by thewaterispoison on Dec 13, 2011 11:19 AM PST reply actions
Jimmer minored in 18th century agrarian business
by Gabraham on Dec 13, 2011 11:20 AM PST reply actions 8 recs
I don't get this
but I’m rec’ing it so you think I do.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 11:40 AM PST up reply actions 11 recs
One time Jimmer set the single game scoring record
during warm ups.
by thewaterispoison on Dec 13, 2011 11:21 AM PST reply actions 7 recs
Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace
because he heard Jimmer was going to set the Staples Center on fire.
by thewaterispoison on Dec 13, 2011 11:23 AM PST reply actions
Jimmer will someday resolve that whole Israel - Palistine mess
During a TV timeout
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower
by lietothegirls on Dec 13, 2011 11:39 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
The Holy Grail that Indiana Jones had to leave behind?
It’s in Jimmer’s trophy case.
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower
by lietothegirls on Dec 13, 2011 11:43 AM PST reply actions 5 recs
When Neil Armstrong first walked on the Moon
He found a ball Jimmer had banked off Venus, creating the Copernicus crater.
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower
by lietothegirls on Dec 13, 2011 11:48 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
The next lockout will be over which likeness of Jimmer makes the best NBA Logo
Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"
by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 11:51 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
oh and in 10 years when the NBA is known as the JBA...nobody will remember who this guy is...
Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt — When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults"
by SactownheartOChouse on Dec 13, 2011 11:54 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs
50 years ago, the mormons started putting basketball courts at all the churches
Because Jimmer told them to
by OKO on Dec 13, 2011 11:53 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Every building had to be prepared for the 1st Coming of the Jimmer.
"We're not talking about me and Darko in the same sentence." - Chris Webber vs KAHN!
by caseycheesecake on Dec 13, 2011 12:07 PM PST up reply actions
Whenever a Laker player fouls Jimmer it actually gets called
by ncal88 on Dec 13, 2011 11:55 AM PST reply actions 45 recs
Little known fact
Jimmer is actually a semi sentient cyborg assassin built by Skynet and sent back in time from the year 2029 to eliminate Sandy Sheedy.
BRING BACK THE ARCO THUNDER....STOMP!
by kfipp on Dec 13, 2011 1:06 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
I think Vanessa should get some credit here.
The key to any game is to use your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
-Paul Westphal
Guinness Book of World Record has changed it's name to Jimmer's Book
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 1:32 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Guiness Book of World Records is the only known biography for Jimmer.
Author of NBA Mashups. Follow me on Twitter here.
by Aykis16 on Dec 13, 2011 1:51 PM PST up reply actions 14 recs
Jimmer reads the Guiness Book of World Records as a things to do list
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 2:01 PM PST up reply actions 15 recs
Jimmer controls the British crown
He also keeps the metric system down. He keeps Atlantic off the maps and the Martians under wraps. He holds back the electric car and made Steve Gutenberg a star. He robs cavefish of their sight and rigs every Oscar night.
by Christina_J on Dec 13, 2011 1:57 PM PST reply actions 7 recs
Jimmer is boycotting NBA Jams because it lies. He never heats up. He stays on Fire!!!!
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
When Jimmer jumps into a swimming pool, he doesnt get wet. The water gets Jimmered.
"First we get jobs, then we get the khakis, then we get the chicks."
by Wonderchild on Dec 13, 2011 2:50 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Jimmer doesn't jump into swimming pools, he walks across them...
and his feet don’t get wet!
The glass is usually twice as big as it needs to be.
by BaldMatt on Dec 13, 2011 4:22 PM PST up reply actions 4 recs
"Ron Burkle"
Is actually Jimmer from 40 years in the future coming back to save the Kings in Sacramento
by Scirocco on Dec 13, 2011 3:00 PM PST reply actions 13 recs
There’s a new show on ABC called "Jimmering with the Stars"
The glass is usually twice as big as it needs to be.
by BaldMatt on Dec 13, 2011 3:30 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
I don't think that show would be allowed on ABC...
by CoolFinity on Dec 13, 2011 3:56 PM PST up reply actions 7 recs
Because it would be popular and successful?
A lonely Kings fan in a sea of gold and purple...
by Jaycee on Dec 20, 2011 8:30 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Jimmer
will make this post turn green!
by anthonysam on Dec 13, 2011 5:02 PM PST reply actions 8 recs
On his mission, Jimmer wore a black shirt with a white tie
No one said a word.
MexicAN AmericAN VegAN
by Mike Garza on Dec 13, 2011 6:17 PM PST reply actions 6 recs
Allen Iverson just called.
He wants to talk to Jimmer about practice.
by unfair weather on Dec 13, 2011 7:09 PM PST reply actions 13 recs
ON ANY GIVEN SUNDAY
Tim Tebow can be seen after a Bronco’s game on 1 knee contemplating how he could be more like Jimmer
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 7:19 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
1 divided by 0 = Jimmer
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
by 1damutt on Dec 13, 2011 7:23 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
Any number divided by 0 = Jimmer
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
I think this season's GB&U should include a "Jimmer Fact of the Week"
Because you know there’s going to be new ones popping up in threads all over the place.
"If you're going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back on the audience." -Geoff Petrie
by AnotherStupidSN on Dec 13, 2011 8:06 PM PST reply actions 3 recs
Jimmer does not do push-ups
The ground runs away from his arms.
by nbrans on Dec 13, 2011 11:49 PM PST reply actions 7 recs
Jimmer will only play 7 minutes a game...
because he will only allow us mortals to experience 7 minutes of heaven
Sanka....you dead? Ya Man
by prowseinthehouse on Dec 14, 2011 12:44 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Just in
Stern shot down a LA Clippers – Sacramento trade, involving Gordon, Aminu, Bledsoe, Kaman and a 2013 first round pick for Jimmer, citing basketball reasons. Apparently, the commish believes the Kings should receive more in return.
This comes after the Maloofs complained that sending Jimmer to the Clips was tantamount to making the pick which would go to Sacramento lottery-protected.
Jimmer Does Not Pray
As talking to yourself is a sign of madness.
by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 1:45 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
The Large Hadron Collider
Has managed to discover the Jimmer particle. THis answers the question of life, the universe and everything.
which is, not by coincidence
Chuck Hayes’ jersey number
"Even when I’m old and grey, I won’t be able to play it, but I’ll still love the game." — Michael Jordan
Go Kings!
by Panzerfaust on Dec 14, 2011 4:53 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs
Jimmer
led a Kenny Natt coached team to a 82-0 record
"Even when I’m old and grey, I won’t be able to play it, but I’ll still love the game." — Michael Jordan
Go Kings!
by Panzerfaust on Dec 14, 2011 2:10 AM PST reply actions 7 recs
Some of these are fantastic!
There needs to be a level above green for rec’d comments… maybe a gold level?
Or even better? a Jimmer level!
by Rickyflip on Dec 14, 2011 4:12 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
You wouldn't be able to look directly at Jimmer-level comments
You’d have to punch a hole in a piece of cardboard and view the comment’s shadow on the ground.
SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!
by section214 on Dec 14, 2011 8:24 AM PST up reply actions 11 recs
When Jimmer ordered cable for his new home in Sac
He gave them a four hour window to show up.
(Sorry, I just wasted four hours of my life waiting for DirecTV Monday).
by adamsite on Dec 14, 2011 7:35 AM PST reply actions 8 recs
When Jimmer claps his hands to turn on the light,
the sun rises.
This.
by elfboy_ on Dec 14, 2011 11:29 AM PST reply actions 11 recs
Jimmer doesn't dribble the ball.
Gravity reverses itself to keep the ball in Jimmer’s hands.
This.
by elfboy_ on Dec 14, 2011 11:38 AM PST reply actions 6 recs
Jimmer appeared to TZ in a dream one night and gave him the idea of creating/pioneering Sactown Royalty.
"Contraction, I didn't say anything about contraction. I'm talking about shrinking the league." - Lebron James
Thanks Lebron, for reminding me how miserable my life is.
by DTG13 on Dec 14, 2011 11:59 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Jimmer doesn't need ad blockers when he browses the internet
Annoying ads block themselves
It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
Apparently
Jimmer didn’t like your images, either.
Even though the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas!
by LeaguePassAddict on Dec 16, 2011 7:02 AM PST up reply actions
Jimmer is sooooooo tough
That he thinks Michael (the Animal) Smith was a soft cuddly little kitten
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
A TRUE FAKE FACT ABOUT JIMMER
My aunt’s sister’s best friend’s brother works in the maternity ward and said that after the doctor slapped Jimmer’s booty when he was born, Jimmer turned black and purple and straight backhanded-pimp slapped him, did a quick shoulder fake, and then shot his own umbilical cord into the corner waste basket. Jimmer then smiled a wry smile, threw three fingers in the air and said “You just been Jimmered”. He winked at the nurse while heading to the door and said “Meet me at my crib babe”. And with that the legend began.
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
by 1damutt on Dec 16, 2011 4:53 PM PST reply actions 3 recs
Jimmer
is the 8th wonder of the world.
"The mustache is the epitome of all that is manly" -George Parros
by Cincy Kings Fan on Dec 19, 2011 12:02 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Jimmer could. . .
make one of 1damutt’s comments go green. You’ve had a rough stretch here bro.
Tariq Abdul-Wahad sings all of your favorite love songs on this 2-record set, "The Rookie & The Nookie." A stack of wax that’ll take your woman to the max!
Side note: This project just resulted in me comparing and contrasting the stats and values of Tariq Abdul-Wahad and Luther Head. Look what you’ve done to us, David Stern. Just look. You monster.
Thanks Exhibit G!!
Im using Jimmer tactic
accuracy by volume. I figure if I write enough jokes sooner or later you will like one. Thats ok everybody else does though. feel free to scroll up some and check my other posting or what I wrote in regards to Chuck Hayes when we first heard the bad news. still not digging my style? ok I have a joke just for you…….
What did the fat white girl say to the other fat white girl?
Thank God for black guys.
dont flag it…..I ’m a black guy
No, I never said "Hey sweetheart I'm Rookie of the Year." I told her "I'm Tyreke Evans" though............Tyreke Evans
Jimmer is so good that....
If he formed his own “Big 3” with Hassan Whiteside and Donte Green they would win the Championship by default.
by PetrieFingSucks on Dec 24, 2011 1:34 PM PST reply actions
When Jimmer was drafted by the Kings...
…the other 29 teams voted for a lockout
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