Kings Win Total Revealed: 65-1!

Out of my bed, sensual and curvy stranger. The NBA is back. Back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back. Call you later, or text you, or not. Coffee. Hoops. Joy. Sobriety returns, and so does my favorite spectator sport.

As the female underwear wearing, toupee shamelessly sporting Marv Albert would say…YES!!!!!


The Celtics play awesome defense. They have a no-frills, no-flash PG who loves to defend, to pass.

Unlikeable? Roger that. Bad ass? Rondo that (31 points, 13 assists, 5 steals).


The Celtics have proven veterans at every position on the floor. Their back-up power forward (Brandon Bass) played a better game today in his first game as a Celtic (9 for 13 FGs, 20 points, 11 boards in 28 minutes) than Jason Thompson has ever played in 3 NBA seasons.

Their head coach is a no-nonsense, excuse-free sideline warrior. Coach Doc Rivers glistens on the sideline, vicariously playing the game in a suit and tie.


As a basketball purist for 25 years, I love it. The Boston Celtics don’t make excuses, with Paul Pierce incapacitated. Instead they compete intensely. They do the game of basketball proud. Tommy Heinsohn has every right to bleed green.

The Celtics are everything the Sacramento Kings are not. The Celtics are everything the Kings aspire to be. The Celtics are winners. The Kings are losers, until a new season, dawning in 24 hours, proves otherwise.The Kings enter the new season as the anti-Celtics.

Good luck.


The Kings don’t defend. They don’t take pride on their home court. They don’t make the extra pass. Their head coach bemoans the shortened time period to prepare. He wears age-inappropriate facial hair. He tempts self-fulfilling prophecy by harping upon the shortened training camp.

Get over it, coach. All teams are on an even, disadvantaged playing field.

And besides, Chuck Hayes’ ticker is just fine.


How many games can a team win when it presents itself as the polar opposite of the Celtics, figurative and banner-hanging champions to their core, despite hard fought loss versus the Knicks today 104-106?

We get our first serious clue tomorrow at 7:00 PST.

Time to rock n’ roll, my fellow Jimmer-manics.

We are not the Celtics. Yet, blessedly, on a day blessings are counted, there is more than one way to skin a cat.

Merry X-Mas, Let’s win.

In my Blobbed estimation, the Kings will do so 34 times in 66 tries. Not bad. Playoffs here we come.

The wins will come, despite our blundering play caller, and our green-free jerseys. Imagine the possibilities if Doc was at the helm (drool).

The Hayes (Domino) Effect.


David Thorpe, respected ESPN analyst, and the guy who helped a scrawny late first round draft pick transform his game into a 20+ per game scorer (Kevin Martin), said this recently:

In Sacramento Kings history, I'd rank the acquisition of Chuck Hayes as perhaps the smartest move they've ever made.

That’s high praise, no?

Especially considering this is the same team that traded for Mitch Richmond, Chris Webber, Mike Bibby, signed Vlade Divac, drafted Peja Stojakovic, and that said player has modest career averages of 4.5 points and 6 rebounds in 6 seasons.

The esteemed regard with which Chuck Hayes is held by basketball personnel can be further gleaned through visceral reaction when Chuck’s deal was abruptly voided a week ago:

"(The team) realized (in one week of training camp) what an important and respected person Chuck Hayes is." – Coach Westphal.

"We're not going to be able to replace him. He was one of the best defensive frontcourt players in the league and a really unique player we thought would facilitate some offense…it's not going to be the same (without him)." – GM Geoff Petrie

Prayers have been answered. Distressed doctors shunned. Chuck Hayes is back. He is bringing sexy back, minus the sexy. Chuck does not play above the rim, possess an indefensible half hook, or launch wet jumpers from 20 feet.

He just helps you win games, if you are into that sorta thing.

Rejoice. Celebrate. Eggnog inebriate.

Chuckwagon is a more skilled, savvy, experienced version of former King Jon Brockman. Undersized, physical and heady, Hayes will earn his $22.4 million over 4 years in more ways than field goals converted.

I noticed today that the Celtics set amazing picks, led by Kevin Garnett and Jermaine O’Neal. Setting an effective pick is a painful art, a thankless job, and a winner’s weapon. Angles, timing, width and strength are components of a prudent pick-setter. JT and Cousins would rather complain to the refs and commit turnovers, respectively.

Enter a heart-healthy Chuck Hayes.

Pick executed. Marcus Thornton and Jimmer are unguarded as result. Clean looks from 3 point land and in incur. Points follow. Points are good.

The Chuck Hayes effect, aka the domino effect, manifests.

Notice to David Lee, Pau Gasol, LeMarcus Aldridge, Blake Griffin, et al: A red carpet path to the hoop shall not be granted when you play the purple and black.

Sweet post position refused. Deep catches deferred. Foul trouble to JJ and DeMarcus averted. Easy points to opponent refused!

Happy, happy. Joy, joy. Lakers lose! Lakers lose (87-88)!

More presents present themselves:

Carving space in the paint by Chuck Hayes does not mean every rebound falls to his eager mitts.

Yet it does allow smaller teammates to collapse into the paint to gain possession. Jimmer, Tyreke and MT23 will get their hands on more loose balls because Chuck Hayes makes his presence known.

Fast breaks triggered. Dunkage delivered. Layups done.

More break-outs, not blemishes. But oops, scoops, rallies, and satisfying victories in 2012.

Interior passes made adeptly. Instruction barked unabashedly. Inspiration offered consistently.

We have the glitter (Marcus, Tyreke, Jimmer, DeMarcus).

We needed the glue.

We landed the glue, until 2016. His name is Chuck.

Glue plus glitter equals 34 wins, starting tomorrow.

Merry X-Mas to all Kings fans, except that one guy.

(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Sactown Royalty

You must be a member of Sactown Royalty to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Sactown Royalty. You should read them.

Join Sactown Royalty

You must be a member of Sactown Royalty to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Sactown Royalty. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.