Was chatting with my buddy the other day and I ran off a line from 'Piss Test' - he looked at me and had no idea what I was talking about. I went on to explain the Rise Guys parody from a decade or so ago - if you haven't heard it it's worth a listen. That reminded me of something I wrote last year.
A bit dated but I put this together and sent it off to Whitey to see if he'd do anything with it. Never saw the light of day - ultimate would have been to get the players to record it as a rookie hazing or something.
So for your reading pleasure...
Sung to Beastie Boys' "Paul Revere":
Now here's a little story I've got to tell
About three bad rookies you know so well
It started way back in history
With Brockman, Reke, and me - Omri.
Had a little coach named Paul Westphal
Just me and a King dog and a new b ball
Riding across the land, kicking up sand
Kings fans on my tail cause I'm in demand
One lonely King rook I be
All by myself without nobody
The sun is beating down on my new Kings hat
The air is gettin' hot the ball is getting flat
Lookin' for a girl I ran into a guy
His name is Tyreke, I said, "Howdy" he said, "Hi"
He told a little story that sounded well rehearsed
Number four pick for the team that was the worst
The ball was in my hand and he was on my tip
His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry he asked me for a lift
He said, "Can I get some?"
I said, "You can't get none!"
Had a chance to run
He pulled out his iphone
He was quick on the draw I thought I'd be dead
He put the iphone to my head and this is what he said,
"Now my name is Tyreke I've got a license to tweet
I think you know what time it is it's time to get beat
Now what do we have here, a rookie and his gear
I run this land, you understand I make myself clear."
We stepped into Arco, he had a ball, I had a grin
You think this season's over but it's ready to begin
"Now I got the skills you got the 'tude
You got two choices of what you can do
It's not a tough decision as you can see
I can school you today or you can ride with me"
I said, I'll ride with you if you can get me to the playoffs
Arena's half empty cause of all of these layoffs
I did it like this, I did it like y'all
I did it with an exercise ball
So I'm on the run the Kings are the one
And right about now it's time to have some fun
The King Brockman that is my name
And I know the fly spot where they got the Kings game."
We rode for six hours then we hit the spot
The beat was a bumping and the dancers was hot
This dude was staring like he knows who we are
We took the empty spot next to him at the floor
Tyreke said, "Yo, you know this kid?"
I said, "I didn't." but I know he did
The kid said, "Get ready cause this ain't funny
My name's Omri. and I'm about to get money."
Pulled out the Spalding aimed it at the sky
He yelled, "Stick 'em up!" and let a 3 fly
Hands went up and people hit the floor
He swatted two kids that ran for a score
"I'm Omri. and I get respect
Your fans and your loyalty is what I expect"
Tyreke was with it and he's my ace
So I grabbed the Laker player and I punched him in the face
The Laker player's out the music stopped
Kobe had beef and he got dropped
Omri grabbed the ball Tyreke ran the floor
I grabbed two rebounds and hit the door.