Greeting young fellow. Let me welcome you to the Sacramento Kings. We are really glad to have u here. You will love it... when u follow some rules.

First of all let me introduce you to this Guy.

His name is Jimmer. He is little bit shy so dont wonder it you dont see him the first one or two years. With him its like with animals: They are more afraid of you then you are of them. So dont be scared if he pops out of a box sometimes.

Jimmer is our mascot, THE offseason topic on every board on the Internet and our starting small forward next season. You will like him. Our expectation: Throw balls at him as hard as u can. He likes to catch.

Then i will introduce you to the next guy.

His name is Boogie. And we love him the most of the time. Our expectation here: Anytime on the court when Boogie looks like this:

You have immediately to grab this:

and walk to the sideline and punch one of this guys as hard as u can:

After u punched one or all of them (thats your decision) Boogies face will change into

Now he is fine.

Well we're almost done. The last expectation we got is quite simple. We need you to renovate and develop this:

I suppose you should be finished with it... hm... let me think ... u are a new guy... i would say: when its finished when the summer league beginns we will be fine.

Btw: Some homeworks for you (we dont want you to get bored)

1.) Teach Tyreke how to jump vertical

2.) Fix Isaiah Thomas height-problems

3.) Trade Cisco+Outlaw and get Donte back for mascot-duties

4.) We got some chickens in the basement. Those are for special moments. Dont mess with them. They can kung-fu.

5.) Find Robert Horry and kick his ass.

6.) Get prepared to be paid in coupons. The Magoofs are broke.