FanPost

How to Write Your Standard "Play Jimmer Because He is God" FanPost in Five Easy Steps

1. First explain how Jimmer has been vastly under-appreciated, hated upon, been subjected to racism, has been on a short leash, etc. Many people seem to forget this, and it is a "must" to include how he has been treated.

2. Get to the main point: Talk about how Jimmer could put up 20 points per game every day, and how he can’t do that unless he is playing at least 30-40 minutes a game. Don’t forget to mention how he deserves this more than anybody else. The FanPost will be blown if you don’t.

3. Mention how Jimmer can’t be any worse than our other options. Even if we need to play McLemore at small forward from now on, and if we need to play Salmons at power forward. Whatever needs to happen to get Jimmer on the court.

4. Demand that Jimmer be traded if he is not playing, as it is only fair (do not forget the "fair" part; crucial point here). He deserves it, and the Kings must honor the great Jimmer. Or else. It is not right to keep Jimmer on the bench for any reason, as it is most important to make sure he is happy above all other needs.

5. Conclude with the fact that you will be the one saying "I told you so" when Jimmer goes to another team and scores 20 points per game, becomes an all-star, and shatters three point records. Don’t forget to say that you don’t understand why every Kings fan that has ever existed hates Jimmer as a player and a person.

BONUS: Don’t forget to use "us" and "we" when referring to the Kings, thus preventing your cover as a Jimmer-worshipper from being blown.

For those Jimmer-maniacs that are solely here for the purpose of the Jimmer and for no one else, all of us here at Sactown Royalty* would greatly appreciate it if you follow this format from now on in order to reduce the time it takes for us to explain how you are dead wrong. For those who are actually Kings fans, please use any format desired, as this is not directed to you.

*No official census taken; just a gradual observation from Jimmer-related topics.

(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

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