FanPost

Fellowship of the Cowbell: A (mostly true) epic retelling of how the Kings stayed in Sacramento.

Chapter 1:

In the beginning, the little, sleepy, peaceful Kingdom of Sacramento was just that, little, sleepy and peaceful. The knights who guarded the Kingdom were mediocre at best, and never took place in the annual Tournament of Champions. That all changed however, when the Brothers Maloof took over the Kingdom.

The Knights of the Kingdom, Sir Chris, Sir Mike, Sir Doug, Sir Peja, Sir Bobby and Vlade the Impaler guided by the Earl of Adlemen became a force that was not easily beaten. Night after night, they vanquished their opponents near and far. Commoners and nobles alike crowded the Castle Arco’s sacred grounds to watch these true warriors do battle with the enemy. The noise was deafening and could be heard throughout the land.

However, this was not to last, as you see, seeds of deception where put into place by the Brothers Maloof. During the annual Tournament of Champions, Sir Chris suffered a serious injury putting the Kingdom of Sacramento in danger. Unbeknownst to the people, the Brothers Maloof had squandered away their vast fortune on frivolous things and was unable to keep the Kingdom afloat.

Soon, Sir Chis, Sir Mike, Sir Doug, Sir Peja, Sir Bobby and Vlade the Impaler where sent away to distant and foreign lands. In their stead the Brothers Maloof brought in a lesser bread of Knight. These new Knights of the Kingdom were like a rudderless ship. They were easily beaten by even the most lesser of foes. Night after night the once proud Castle Arco fell into disrepair. The people of the kingdom became disheartened and apathetic. This was all part of the Brothers Maloof devious plan.

You see, little did the people of the Kingdom know, the Brothers Maloof had an idea to steal the Knights of the Kingdom and move them to a new Kingdom where the Brothers Maloof felt they could regain their riches. But that was not to be the case.

Chapter 2:

A young squire who worked his way up through the ranks of the knights soon found himself back in the Kingdom of Sacramento after serving a few other kingdoms and having a very successful career. Sir Kevin wanted to give back to the place where he grew up. He soon became Esquire to the Kingdom of Sacramento. He ruled over the common people with a just and fair hand.

Things were going seemingly well in the Kingdom of Sacramento, the Knights of the Kingdom and Castle Arco had a small glimmer of hope of returning to the glory days and everything seemed to be on the right path, until an urgent message came from Grand Emperor Stern. The Brothers Maloof had been negotiating with the Lesser Principality of Anaheim. The people’s worse fears were realized. The Brothers Maloof were determined to abandon Castle Arco and leave the citizens of the Kingdom unprotected.

A swift rebellion ensued. Sir Kevin, leapt into action. He petitioned the Grand Council of Kingdoms. He worked tirelessly to find a new steward of Castle Arco and eventually came to an agreement with the Brothers Maloof and Grand Emperor Stern to build the Knights of the Kingdom a new castle.

But, this was not to come to pass and the Brothers Maloof sabotaged every attempt to build a new castle. They continued to put inferior knights into battle and won no glory for the people of the Kingdom.

Chapter 3:

Alas, the new castle was not to be built. The Knights of the Kingdom became worse and worse and the people of the Kingdom stopped going to watch the Knights do battle in Castle Arco. A dark cloud formed over the Kingdom of Sacramento and laid there for several years.

One day, an errant message came by twitter bird. It was meant for the Evil Sorcerer Hansen. This was a congratulatory message on his new acquisition, the Knights of the Kingdom of Sacramento. The Knights were to be moved to the dank, dark, oppressive land that is known as Seattle. No longer would the Knights of the Kingdom of Sacramento be known as that, but they were to be known as the Sonics of Seattle. All of the past glories won by the Knights would be forgotten to the annals of history.

Sir Kevin and the people of the Kingdom would not stand for this. Sir Kevin rallied the people of the Kingdom and they rebelled. Outsiders told the people of the Kingdom that there was no hope. They said that the people of the Kingdom should just give up because the Evil Sorcerer Hansen had put a Binding Spell on the agreement to steal the Knights and that this Binding Spell could not be broken. 30 million gold pieces were also given to the Brothers Maloof to ensure their loyalty to the Sorcerer.

Sir Kevin led the people of the Kingdom into battle. People from lands far and wide joined in to support the Kingdom of Sacramento. The battles were bitter and fierce. Sir Kevin sent notice to Grand Emperor Stern to gain audience with the Grand Council of Kingdoms. For you see, Sir Kevin was wise beyond his years and well learned. He knew that there was only one thing that could break the binding spell that the Evil Sorcerer Hansen had placed; Whales. Sir Kevin gathered a group of the mightiest of whales led by the Whale King Vivek. Sir Kevin sent a lowly peasant known as Dave to travel through the greater Kingdoms to drum up support on his trusty stead.

Finally, Sir Kevin together with the Whales had the chance to meet with the Grand Council of Kingdoms to discuss the situation. After working together to secure the allegiance of the Grand Council of Kingdoms, Sir Kevin and the Whales returned to the Kingdom with a new hope in their hands.

Chapter 4:

The battles raged on for months and months. Some days Sir Kevin and the Whales had won, some days the Evil Sorcerer Hansen had won. The battles went back and forth. The war waged on for what seemed like an eternity.

In the Municipality of Dallas, where the Grand Council of Kingdoms was meeting, Sir Kevin and the Whales had a chance to plead their case one more time. The Evil Sorcerer Hansen and Brothers Maloofs were also there to sway support away from Sir Kevin to ensure that their devious, underhanded, rotten plan would be seen through. "We have a Binding Spell that Can’t be broken" shouted an angry Hansen. "Bap, Bap, Bap" went the Brothers Maloof. "Binding, Bap, Binding, Bap" this went on for hours and hours and hours. The Grand Council of Kingdoms had heard enough and dispatched Hansen and the Brothers to wait for a decision.

Sir Kevin and the Whales were called into the council chamber. They told an eloquent story of how much the Knights meant to the Kingdom of Sacramento. They wowed the Grand Council with the proposal of building a new Castle for the Knights. The council ohhhhed and awed at the prospect of what was to be if the Whales were given Stewardship of the Kingdom.

After several hours of deliberation, the Grand Council of Kingdoms voted. They would join forces with Sir Kevin, the Whales and the people of the Kingdom of Sacramento. Sorcerer Hansen and the Brothers Maloof were defeated and fled the Grand Council Chambers.

The people of the Kingdom of Sacramento rejoiced. A new dawn had sprung over the Kingdom. The dark cloud was pushed away. Although remnants of the Brothers Maloof still hang about in the Kingdom, they will soon be washed away. The glory of the Knights of the Kingdom of Sacramento will be restored and all will be well.



(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

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