2014 NBA Draftagrams

Sometimes it's strangely useful having a helpful Canadian around: when WEIRD GNAWINGS appeared on tree trunks at the K.U. arboretum, only ANDREW WIGGINS immediately recognized them as the work of a beaver.

Mike Krzyzewski said that JABARI PARKER is so coachable that even the most uptight screamer could dress him down an inch from his face without crossing the PJ BARRIER, AKA the point when a player will react negatively to an antagonistic coach.

JABARI PARKER has always been so mild-mannered and conscientious, so that's why it was so surprising to see him rep the new RAJA BIKER RAP video by the motorcycle gang in India that recorded a hip hop album.

JOEL EMBIID is known to friends and family as the maker of a mean muffaleta panini, so if his back doesn't check out, maybe he can approach Udoka's Sandwich Shoppe to win an IME DELI JOB.

DANTE EXUM didn't hafta attend an American university to EXTEND A MU Alpha Epsilon hottie an invitation for a hot date. But after she broke off their relationship, his best mate warned him "I wouldn't put up with that EX 'TUDE, MAN!"

Although most vaunted NBA prospects prefer low-aspect tires with aggressive directional tread designs on their fancy sportscars, AARON GORDON chooses safer Michelin MX4s for reliability, durability, and NO ROAD GROAN. This altruistic ANGORA DONOR also gave his wool sweaters to the needy during a winter clothing drive.

So coolly, cruelly non-commital is NOAH VONLEH in relationships that he mockingly laughs "HAH...NON-LOVE!" as he snubs his latest girlfriend to confess her love to him.

So concerned is JULIUS RANDLE about schisms in the Republican Party pointing to no clear front-runner for the presidential nomination in 2016, he said "I'll be surprised if party leadership sees fit to let Louisiana governor Bobby JINDAL RULE US."

DOUG MCDERMOTT greatly enjoys the wide vistas from the summit of the Great Basin's many fault block mountains; perhaps he might like to take a trip to Kayte Christensen country to TRUDGE MT. MODOC.

DOUG MCDERMOTT's Creighton team could never beat the Huskies; the same result would always occur whenever they would GO TO CT...DRUMMED!

Renaissance man MARCUS SMART was known as MR. CAMUS STAR for his portrayal of Meursault in his high school drama troupe's performance of a theatrical adaption of The Stranger. He is also a budding chef with a keep fascination in Latino foods; he earned another nickname--MR. MASA CRUST--for his propensity for grilling his pupusas for an extra minute or two over high heat in the middle of his comal.

So, knowing all of these revelations, who do we wanna pick now??

(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

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