The Draft in Haikus

"[Giving instant draft grades is] a waste of time for pageviews. Better off writing haikus for each pick tbh."


Deleran is right. Draft analysis ought to be done exclusively by haikus. Here is an in-depth analysis of the thinking behind every first round pick in the 2014 draft.

Andrew Wiggins to the Cavaliers

He defends and jumps.

Next year’s number one draft pick

Should fit well with him.

Jabari Parker to the Bucks

Woah! It just hit me:

To win more basketball games

We need to score points.

Joel Embiid to the Sixers

A good shot blocker

Who will be injured for months?

It’s like Déjà vu.

Aaron Gordon to the Magic

DJ Rick told me:

This kid does not have leg hair.

Can’t argue with that.

Dante Exum to the Jazz

It worked well last year

For us to draft a point guard.

Let’s do it again.

Marcus Smart to the Celtics

We said we wanted

Either Randle or Marcus.

A reverse smokescreen!

Julius Randle to LAL

Kobe and Steve Nash

Make us a contender, right?

Who’ll contribute now?

Nik Stauskas to the Kings

If we picked a guy

Who played really good defense,

He wouldn’t fit in.

Noah Vonleh to the Hornets

Who is the best at

Picking guys who are not busts?

Not Michael Jordan.

Elfrid Payton to the Magic

Why’d we suck last year?

We didn’t have enough hair.

Let’s fix that problem.

Doug McDermott to the Bulls

Every game can’t be

82 to 81.

Let’s take a scorer.

Dario Saric to the Sixers

Darn lottery picks

Screw up plans to tank next year.

Wait, here’s an idea…

Zach LaVine to the Timberwolves

Please stay, Kevin Love!

Reminisce about Westwood

With our new rookie.

TJ Warren to the Suns

If we score enough,

Defense won’t really matter.

This guy fills it up.

Adreian Payne to the Hawks

Stretch four or stretch five?

I don’t care! We need shooters

All over the floor.

Jusuf Nurkic to the Nuggets

How would JaVale’s game

Fit with a guy like Cousins?

Let’s give it a try.

James Young to the Celtics

Since we’re rebuilding,

Our team needs to get younger.

Young is young. Get Young!

Tyler Ennis to the Suns

Best two guys were ones.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Let’s draft a point guard!

Gary Harris to the Nuggets

I’ve got an idea:

Take someone who can play on

Both halves of the court

Bruno Caboclo to the Raptors

Ennis didn’t drop!

Just pick a name from a hat

‘Cause I’m out of plans

Mitch McGary to the Thunder

I heard someone say

That this draft’s best prospect is

An injured big man

Jordan Adams to the Grizzlies


In NBA shooting guards

Is overrated

Rodney Hood to the Jazz

A long, fast shooter

Who hails from Outlaw’s home state?

Future MVP.

Shabazz Napier to the Heat

LeBron James. LeBron.

LeBron, LeBron, LeBron James.

Quick! Trade more assets!

Clint Capela to the Rockets

Draft a shot blocker!

Then, when Harden takes a nap,

Our D won’t suffer.

PJ Hairston to the Hornets

Hmmm… I have nothing

To say about this draft pick.

Can someone please help?

Bogdan Bogdanovic to the Suns

Say his name out loud.

Doesn’t it make you giggle?

That’s why we need him.

CJ Wilcox to the Clippers

I remember when

Chris Wilcox led our crap team.

I sure miss those years.

Josh Huestis to the Thunder

Durant needs more shots.

Josh has no offensive game?

We should take this guy.

Kyle Anderson to the Spurs

Last year wasn’t bad

But we need more ball movement.

Ha ha, Other teams.

And if you have a haiku ready about free agency, trades, or anything else, please feel free to use this as an open haiku thread.

(This is a FanPost from a member of the Sactown Royalty community. The views expressed come from the member, and not Sactown Royalty staff.)

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Sactown Royalty

You must be a member of Sactown Royalty to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Sactown Royalty. You should read them.

Join Sactown Royalty

You must be a member of Sactown Royalty to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Sactown Royalty. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.