Hating Kobe

by Ziller on Mar 11, 2008 7:10 AM PDT in Commentary Comment 38 comments

When Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm approached me about participating in 'Kobe Bryant Blog Day,' I almost stabbed him. But Matt's a great guy (and an awesome blogger), so I relented for the sake of greater blogospheric cooperation.

Then he laid out this ground rule:

This isn't facetious. If you have negative things to say about Kobe, save it for every other day of the year.

Clearly, Matt has never visited Sacramento. We poisoned his burger before a playoff game! We named him the #2 most evil Laker of all-time! Though I'm not proud of it, we invented the COL-O-RAD-O! chant.

In Sacramento, we hate Kobe Bryant.

But you know what? Of course we respect his game. Of course we can appreciate his talent. For the last eight years, he has been among the five best players in the league. That's amazing. Only Tim Duncan and maaaybe Juwan Howard could say the same. And hey, we wouldn't hate Kobe so much if he weren't so damn good. We don't hate Chris Mihm. We don't hate Ronny Turiaf. Hell, we don't even hate Lamar Odom. The hatred is premised completely on the fact that Kobe has murdered us over the years. We wish he would stop.

It is hard for me, you'll understand, to heap the poetry of heroes on someone as evil as Kobe. Thus, my appreciation shall be enclosed in this graph.

Kobe, we would like you a lot more if you'd stop playing against the Kings. Consider that.

(Be sure to check out all the other Kobe Bryant fellatio at Hardwood Paroxysm.)

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Kobe Bryant

threw his teammates under the bus this summer (where would Andrew Bynum be playing if Kobe had his way?). He is an adulterer at the very least. He is also either the best or 2nd best player in the world today. Easy to appreciate, impossible to admire.

Juwan Howard?

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Mar 11, 2008 7:21 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Oh,

and the fact that there has to be ground rules for a Kobe Bryant blog day says it all. Do we need these rules for a Tim Duncan blog day? Steve Nash? LeBron James?

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Mar 11, 2008 9:34 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Uhh,

Lebron drives too fast. Nash is Canadian.

by vfettke on Mar 11, 2008 9:45 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Well said

I'd like to add that he shows no humility. He disrespects people with frequency (especially referees). And he will age. When he does his skill will deteriorate. On one drive to the hoop he will feel the crushing pain of running into a 300 pound Chinese man. Lying on the floor, holding his head, for the first time he will become viscerally aware of his mortatlity. The very next day, he will retire and try to recapture his best years by running for Governor. In his speaches, he will refer to himself in the third person as "The Great Laker" to lead our state into the future. But his self adulation that we accept now as begrudgingly justified will be dismissed as the rantings of a has-been, albeit a great has-been. People will mock him publicly as revenge for the disrespect and lack of humilty he showed in his early years. He will get crushed in the election by a Dot Com CEO turned environmental advocate. Kobe's ego will crumble. Depression will follow. Alcoholism. Drug use. Arrests for aggrevated assault against his mockers. Civil suits from his victims will clean him out and he will be forced to spend the rest of his life in Tokyo, doing endorsements for high quality beef.

Too much?

by NYCFan on Mar 11, 2008 9:48 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Not enough

You need to add a few well timed kicks to the balls.

by vfettke on Mar 11, 2008 10:07 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

From your fingers

to God's ears.

J/K, I wouldn't wish that future on anyone. Damn, you should be a writer, that was way too funny and imaginitive.

God bless you, Corliss. You always played as though you knew how expensive my tickets were. -section214

by KK on Mar 11, 2008 7:45 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Thanks.

by NYCFan on Mar 12, 2008 2:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

And by the way...

TZ does not speak for everyone. I do, in fact, hate Chris Mihm.

by vfettke on Mar 11, 2008 10:10 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Just what Kobe needs

more people kissing his ass.

by shazam on Mar 11, 2008 10:47 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

No negativity

Does the 'no negativity' clause apply to commenters? Because I've got a cutting comment that I NEED to let loose.

by Carl on Mar 11, 2008 10:54 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Let your conscience be your guide

Batter up, Carl!

SACTOWN ROYALTY - Try our thick creamy shakes!

by section214 on Mar 11, 2008 11:10 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I've wanted to start my own sports blog

But I never put much thought into it. What would I write about? The Kings? No. We already have a great blog for that here.

However, I'm sure I could start my own blog about my hatred for Kobe, or even the Lakers. I think I'd be able to actually update it daily with a new reason for hating them.

Anyone else think this is a good idea?

by vfettke on Mar 11, 2008 11:36 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Let the hatred flow through you...

Join the dark side, err laker hating. Its too easy to hate on the Lakers though when the bandwagon is so big. I say you set your sights lower at like a clipper hating blog, no one would see that coming.

by moproblemz on Mar 11, 2008 11:42 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

But...

why would I want to hate on the Clippers? Have you seen them play?

by vfettke on Mar 11, 2008 11:44 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Giants fan?

Maybe you could include the Dodgers?

by otis29 on Mar 11, 2008 11:57 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

A's fan

But I like basketball way mroe than baseball

by vfettke on Mar 11, 2008 12:18 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

FYI Everyone:

There allready is a Lakershating website that's been in existance since 2002. It's at:

http://www.freewebs.com/lakershaters

(BTW:A thread for my song has been running there since 2005).

by Rhondda Nunes on Mar 12, 2008 5:39 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

How can we hate Kobe

when he is so close with his teammates.

Wait....Why is everybody clapping? Everyone around me is clapping.... I guess I should be clapping too... GO LAKERS!!! I hate living in So Cal

by 27freethrows on Mar 11, 2008 12:47 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

He's so supportive

Wait....Why is everybody clapping? Everyone around me is clapping.... I guess I should be clapping too... GO LAKERS!!! I hate living in So Cal

by 27freethrows on Mar 11, 2008 12:50 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

And this

Kobe: Don't worry about it Lamar. I'll pack that back in after the game.

by Kfan in Korea on Mar 11, 2008 2:27 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Plus he think basketball

is just super

Wait....Why is everybody clapping? Everyone around me is clapping.... I guess I should be clapping too... GO LAKERS!!! I hate living in So Cal

by 27freethrows on Mar 11, 2008 3:35 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

It's not just the Lakers

Kobe is a lover of many basketball players

Wait....Why is everybody clapping? Everyone around me is clapping.... I guess I should be clapping too... GO LAKERS!!! I hate living in So Cal

by 27freethrows on Mar 11, 2008 4:05 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Too far?

Wait....Why is everybody clapping? Everyone around me is clapping.... I guess I should be clapping too... GO LAKERS!!! I hate living in So Cal

by 27freethrows on Mar 11, 2008 10:46 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

I think

That diamond says WAY more about her than it does about him.

TickTickTickTickTickTick

by LeaguePassAddict on Mar 12, 2008 8:56 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Here we go

Kobe: I'm so full of hot air, if I put his arms out like this and blow him up, he'll fly away!

by Kfan in Korea on Mar 11, 2008 2:24 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Damn you 27

you responded to your own post. The above post goes with the top picture.

by Kfan in Korea on Mar 11, 2008 2:25 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Even funnier

is the original caption.

"My room...ten minutes".

God bless you, Corliss. You always played as though you knew how expensive my tickets were. -section214

by KK on Mar 11, 2008 8:00 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

caption:

"Mmmm...I can taste Phil on you..."

The wise man tells you Where you have fallen And where you yet may fall - Invaluable secrets! The world may hate him. But good men love him.

by Psychrates on Mar 11, 2008 3:29 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Caption 2:

"At least I didn't have buy THIS ring."

The wise man tells you Where you have fallen And where you yet may fall - Invaluable secrets! The world may hate him. But good men love him.

by Psychrates on Mar 11, 2008 3:30 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

My Least Favorite NBA Player

The fact that Kobe is a Laker or is a highly skilled player has absolutely nothing to do with the negative feelings I have toward him.

Kobe is an arrogant, self-centered individual who lacks empathy and compassion. He tries to come across as a sincere, thoughtful and caring person but his body language reveals the truth--he is a fake, a fraud and a charlatan in every sense of the word.

by aspen on Mar 11, 2008 2:32 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Kobe is unbearable and boo-able

not because he's a great player playing for Sacramento's arch-rivals the Lakers, but because he's a smug, primadonna prick.

If he played for the Nuggets (and wouldn't it be great to see how the fans in Colorado would react to that?!) I'd still boo his ass.

"When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Turn Pro." (Hunter S Thompson)

by Mucho Moss on Mar 11, 2008 4:39 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

At least

We don't have to see him on every Sprite, McDonalds, Nike and NBA commercial. He may have gotten away with his Colorado Fling, but at least they cost him his national endorsements.

TickTickTickTickTickTick

by LeaguePassAddict on Mar 11, 2008 7:59 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs