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Comedic God Among Men

I'm not sure anyone in the world is funnier than Paul Shirley, the former Jazz-Bulls-Suns stiff who is writing for ESPN.com.

Most of his humor is related to his being an actual NBA player. For example, in a recent chat on ESPN.com (Insider only), he answered the following question:

Allen (Valley Village, CA): Since you have such extensive international experience, I was wondering what your opinion was on which country has the best looking women? Spain's got to be tough to beat.

Okay, so even posting that question is ballsy (Shirley moderated the chat himself - he picked what questions to answer). But catch the guy's answer:

Paul Shirley: Actually, Allen, stick with the northern European countries. In fact, for all my harping on how much I disliked Russia, the one, most positive aspect was that the girls there are the best-looking I have seen. It's the malnourishment that puts them over the edge. There are a lot of overweight women in the US who, if they dropped 20-30, would be very tolerable. In Russia, they don't have a lot of excess foodstuffs lying around, so the female population starts at a baseline of 'thin', which is a good place to begin, in my book.

Holy god.

Also, in response to a dress code question, Paul writes:

Unfortunately, I will be burning my entire throwback jersey collection so that I am not tempted to don any of the particular unis of which I have grown fond. In addition, I already made a trip to the pawn shop and, once there, rid myself of my extensive gold chain collection. Thanks Mr. Stern, for causing me such personal anguish.

I hate to take food out of a guy's mouth and all, but can we ensure Paul does not get a contract with any team anywhere this season so all he does is write? I'd pitch in a substantial amount to pay his salary - anyone else?

This guy is like Bill Simmons, only he has been outside of Boston and L.A. and he hasn't lost his funny bone yet.

More Paul! More Paul!