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The L.A. Lakers All-Evil Team: #5 Vlade Divac

Note: In the run-up to Thursday's game against the Lakers, we're listing the most evil Lakers of all-time. Earlier, we named our honorable mentions. Now, our fifth most evil Laker of all-time: Vlade Divac.

I know, I know... heresy. Vlade Divac is probably a top-5 Sacramento King, he changed the franchise forever, blah blah blah blah.

Truth is, he was a Laker twice, and he did a number of evil things in the Purple and Gold. ("Forum Blue" my ass, Chick.) Here's the list:

  1. Got traded straight up (!) for Kobe Bean. Why in the hell would you let that sort of injustice happen, Vlade? What the hell man? You're a smart guy. Surely you could tell that despite your post presence and passing gifts, that trade wasn't fair. You could've put an end to it right then and there. You didn't have a no-trade clause? Well, chain yourself to a streetlight or something, man! Jesus!
  2. Signed with the Lakers like two seconds into the 2004 offseason. Yeah, I know, you've got a family to feed. But you knew your playing career was ending, right? You could've retired, joined the Kings front office and easily won the mayorship from Heather Fargo. But no. Mitch Kupchak (clearly delusional) waves a couple cool ones in front of you, and off to SoCal you go. That's evil, man. Sure, you stuck it to Joe and Gavin and Geoff. But what about us? You were our hero, dude. Now, we can't root for you. We're stuck with Harold F. Pressley as our local hero. Jerk.
  3. Upon retirement, signed to be a scout with the Lakers. Okay, #2 was probably the Kings organization's fault. They were pretty cold about the whole thing, not even offering you chump change to play the part of Jamal Sampson. But still, the arms were wide open once someone beat into your brain that it was over. Hell, Petrie probably would've paid you Jerry Reynolds money to be a European scout. And again, you'd have been Sacramento's hero. Peja might have gotten things right this season, instead of visiting the nurse's office every other week. You might have helped convince Bodiroga to come over and help the bench, or Sarunas Jasikevicius to consider Sactown. Maybe this team would be amid the playoff contenders instead of amid Portland and, well... Portland. Instead, you're living it up in Madrid and getting paid by Dr. Buss again. Isn't Maloof money just funner to spend? Jerk.
So there you have it, my explanations as to why Vlade Divac qualifies as the fifth most evil Laker ever. I'm not saying you have to spit on him if you go to the Charit-a-bowl thingie tonight or anything... well, yes I am. He is an evil Laker. Seek and destroy.

(Okay, I already feel horrible about writing this. I mean, I've said some pretty mean things on this blog about a wide range of people, including Bill Simmons, Rick Adelman, Grant Napear, Travis Diener. But I really feel like crap for posting this, because deep down, I love Vlade. Come back home, Vlade! Please!)

Next up: The fourth most evil Laker ever. Hint? His name rhymes with Fakeel Bo Meel.