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Behind Enemy Lines

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Matt at Pounding the Rock has done a fantastic job prepping for the series. Here's his top secret strategy:

The Spurs need a contingency plan in case Artest pulls an Artest.  Here's what I'm thinking.  Beno Udrih probably ain't gonna play much anyway, so give him the extra special assignment of being a decoy.  Tell him it's top secret and called "Operation Cannon Fodder."  Being Slovenian he probably won't know what that means.  Shave his entire body except his scalp.  Give him some quality hair extensions; go for the Farah Fawcett look.  Dress him in a yellow sundress and douse him with makeup.  Have Eva help.  Make sure he leaves the high-heels at home; he's going to need to be able to run.  Station him in the tunnel leading to the court and put him on standby.  At the slightest sign of Artestation have Bu-den-HOL-zer give Beno the signal, which of course will be the sound an owl makes.  Immediately after receiving the signal Beno is to prance out onto the court while screaming like a pre-pubescent girl.  Have him work on his prance in advance.  It needs to be dainty but not whorish.  Don't let Eva help with that.  If all goes well Artest will be attracted to the sounds of distress.  His Tru Warier will emerge and animal instincts will take over.  He will ascertain that Beno is the weak one in the pack and go in for the kill.  This should give Manu ample time to escape. ... If Operation Cannon Fodder is a failure and Manu finds himself cornered by Artest he should wave his arms, scream and try to "make himself big."  This apparently works against bears but has yet to be tested on Tru Wariers in the wild.  Lab testing has been inconclusive."

You just can't get that on ESPN.

(Seriously, though, Matt has a lot of great insight on Los Spurros. He was actually the guy who first convinced me that Tony Parker can't shoot. Now, I must convince Rick Adelman.)