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Game 33 - at Portland

Our team can't beat Portland at home. What makes you think we can beat them in the Rose Garden?


PG - Welcome to the team, Mike Bibby. Glad you could make it before St. Patrick's Day. Hope you stay a while.
SG - If you're Kevin Martin, and Ron Artest is still on this team this summer... do you want to a sign a big extension in the offseason? Actually, I don't think it matters terribly. I think more important is the relationship Eric Musselman and Martin build. Musselman hasn't exactly gotten rave reviews on that tip thus far.
SF - Is John Salmons, at this moment, a better ball defender than Ron Artest? It'd be difficult to argue for Ron-Ron after Kobe and LeBron's performances. Salmons kept LeBron relatively quiet in the fourth.
PF - Shareef Abdur-Rahim just might be winning the starting power forward position back. Only a year too late!
C  - Brad Miller, locker room fireball? Outside of Amick's report the other day, I've heard Miller was the one who first got in teammates' faces after the Cleveland game. Where there's smoke... (I, for one, welcome our new angry redneck overlords.)

PG - Jarrett Jack has two first names and no last names. Like Kevin Martin, Doug Christie, Zach Randolph, and Kobe Bryant. This makes up for Anderson Cooper, who has no first names and two last names.
SG - Ron Artest seemed not to be able to defend Brandon Roy last weekend, in between the Kobe/LeBron explosions. Argh.
SF - Ime Udoka is a guy I'd never heard of before the Blazers picked him up this offseason. I don't know the last time there was a 30-year-old NBA starter I wasn't aware of...
PF - Zach Randolph would've made Detroit a championship contender. Chris Webber? No.
C  - Joel Pryzbilla is not playing well. He signed a big extension in the offseason. Hmm.

Sacramento is -3 on the road. Laugh on your way to the bank. Seriously.

The Blazers are the slowest team in the league. The Kings are the 5th-fastest. (The merits of the Kings "up-tempo" office will soon be debated.) Which team adjusted last weekend? Neither, because the game ended up having an about average pace. (106 possessions per team, 96 possessions when you account for overtime.) The Kings probably win a quicker game, and the Blazers probably win a slow-it-down, force the Kings to play D game.

Shareef Abdur-Rahim moves like Aunt Jemima out the fridge. Brad Miller jumps like FDR in Yalta. Kenny Thomas handles the ball worse than a diabetic handles Pixy Stix.

And so on and so forth, and things of this nature.