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Helpful Tips For Today's Las Vegas Coverage

Dear Sactown Royalty Enthusiast,

We understand that with the Sacramento Kings not participating in any of the activities around the much-hyped, much-anticipated All-Star Game weekend in Las Vegas, Nevada, that you may have thought the franchise would escape scrutiny and gain a reprieve for at least a few days.

Instead, what we are seeing is a national expansion of the awareness that the Kings' efforts to stay in Sacramento are progressing at a glacial pace, and that the expected destination is Las Vegas. Pick a newspaper or click to your favorite sports site (behind this one) and you'll see the speculation.

So, rather than hoist up a bunch of links for you to scarf down, let us summarize it for you:

Reporter A: Hey, don't the Maloofs, who own the Kings, do a lot of their business in Vegas?

Reporter B: That's right! And aren't the Kings having arena issues right now?

Reporter A: Whatever. Their games are on after I go to bed. Where do they play again? San something? Some cow town?

Reporter B: Not for long, I guess. I heard David Stern say Las Vegas is awesome. Sure beats a cow town.

Reporter A: You're telling me. This buffet is great. Hey! There's David Stern now! With one of the Maloofs!

Mad scramble of cameras and microphones ensues...

Reporter A: (panting...) Mr. Stern! Mr. Stern! Are the Kings leaving San Cramento for Las Vegas?

Stern: (actual quote...) "There is no proposed arena (in Sacramento) yet... We hope that sometime in the not too distant future we'll be able to come with a proposal. But one thing we agree on and the Maloof brothers agree: They want the NBA to be in Sacramento and they want to own the team in Sacramento." (Source)

Reporter B: What? Why would you stay in Sacramento if you could be in Vegas? Mr. Commissioner, that makes no sense.

Stern: (again, actual quote...) "We're trying very hard to take a team that has succeeded wonderfully in Sacramento, continues to succeed, and find a way to continue that marriage in a building that is better than the one they are in..."

Reporter A: (whispering to Reporter B...) Marriage? In a building? Now I'm confused. Do they play at a church?

Reporter B: (Hissingly....) Dude. Shut up! How did you get your job?

Stern: (continues...) "I'm not predicting spectacular success, but I'm not discouraged, and there's a lot more work to be done, a lot more options to be considered. There are a lot of things we're looking at. And if we talked about them publicly, we'd probably ruin it all."

Reporter A: Hope you'll excuse me, but that sounds like a bunch of weasel words. Work to be done? No details? Sounds like I'd have better odds trying to win at blackjack if I were only dealt one card. Are you violating the league's drug use policy, Mr. Commissioner?

Reporter B: (Interrupts...) Mr. Maloof, what do you have to say for yourself? Are the Kings headed here?

Gavin Maloof: (Actual quote) "We don't want to leave, and we've never thought about Vegas." (Source)

(Joe Maloof enters the room, hears Gavin and nearly chokes on a half-eaten pretzel)

Joe Maloof: (Actual quote) "It's a huge market. I think it's an international market. I think probably most of the owners would want to be there."

Reporter A: So let me get this straight. You say it's a huge market most owners would want... but you've never thought about it?

Both Maloofs: (Nodding furiously...) Right. Not even once.

Reporter B: (Leaning toward Reporter A) No wonder these guys are stuck in a cowtown. Bunch of hayseeds...

So that's it! Your 2007 All-Star Game Weekend unofficial helpful tips guide for your Las Vegas ... San Cramento... Sacramento Kings! Enjoy the weekend festivities!