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Some Names Do Not Require Nicknames

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There are some given names on this Earth which do not require nicknames, due to innate cadence, brevity, or sheer raw awesomeness.

Mike Bibby. MIKE BIB-bee. BIB-bee! Rolls off the tongue.

Yao Ming. YAO! Yao MING! YAO! MING! Any nickname would be overkill.

Ross Perot. Perot! Peuh-row! Just beautiful.



That name is prettier than Mitch Richmond with a foot on the line. It is the greatest European-born NBA player name in history, the pinnacle of birth certificate decisions. It does not need a nickname.

This 'Tasmanian Slovenian' stuff has to stop. Eight contorted syllables (suh-labb-els) for a crisp four-syllable name? Huh?

Furthermore, my cartographic sensibilites are offended.

I will need a burden of proof more persuasive than this overrated, annoying cartoon character or this inferior marsupial to proceed without protesting along Jerry Reynolds's walking route.

The obscure Justice League character might do the trick.