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Peachy Moment of the Year: Grant Napear's Sweet Nothings to Tyreke Evans

This is an award close to my heart. From the official Sactown Royalty Awards rulebook, Article XI section 4b:

Nominees for Peachy Moment of the Year must exhibit legendary levels of insufferable prickishdom, as well as substantial arseholery and evidence of a surfacing God complex. Nominees which show any shred of dignity or moral fiber are immediately dismissed without prejudice.

And the nominees are ...

* Grant Napear's KHTK trashing of Kevin Martin in January and February.

* Grant Napear's incensed reaction to the chant of "Peea-ches!" at StR Night II: The Peachquel.

* Grant Napear's never-ending bleating about Tyreke Evans.

* Grant Napear's allegations that players must only sit when they have a broken bone.

* Grant Napear's stalkerish behavior toward Tyreke Evans in the locker room.

And the winner is ...

Grant Napear's stalkerish behavior toward Tyreke Evans in the locker room.

An anonymous reporter visiting ARCO Arena for a late-season Kings game sent this locker room report along. Some details have been changed to protect the innocent. Please do not attempt to guess the reporter -- we will not give up their identity, and I'll delete guesses made in the comments which are not incredibly hilarious.

Grab a beer and sit down, this one's a doozy.

Tyreke's locker is at the far end of the locker room. It's set up that there is this plate of fruit on a counter about four feet from his locker. After the game, I noticed Grant was hovering around Tyreke's locker before he came out from the shower. Grant was picking at the fruit plate while clearly just waiting.

Finally, Evans comes out from the shower to his locker and starts slowly getting dressed. And then Grant starts talking to him in a weird way. He's not facing Tyreke or the media. He's kind of looking at the corner of the room while he stuffs his mouth with fruit. He starts saying all of these things to Tyreke without really looking at him. Tyreke puts on his underwear and jeans and Peaches says, "Tyreke, let me f-cking tell you. I've never f-cking seen anybody f-cking pull a f-cking move like that on [opposing defender] ever. Not f-cking ever."

Tyreke isn't a very conversational guy anyway but the whole interaction is really weird. It's like Grant is the friend of a bully and he's trying to bump up the guy's ego even though the "bully" doesn't seem to care what is being said. Grant continues, "You f-cking should have had 16 or 17 fucking assists tonight. If your f-cking teammates would f-cking make some f-cking shots, you'd have had your f-cking triple double really f-cking easy."

At this point, it's just uncomfortable. Grant is swearing WAY too much -- like a 14-year old trying to sound cool in front of his friends. And Tyreke is just giving him mild acknowledgments because 1) probably didn't care what Grant thought and 2) he's trying to get dressed and it's weird to be talking to him like this when he's trying to get dressed. But Grant keeps talking to him. It's in a way that it feels like the purpose of it is to be able to say that he and Tyreke speak after games. Only Tyreke isn't speaking. Grant doesn't talk to any of the players after games. Just Tyreke. He's completely trying to buddy up with him. And Tyreke just looks uncomfortable the entire time.

Grant finally stops trying to force conversation out of Tyreke who is clearly trying to avoid it at this point. Peaches grabs his briefcase and starts walking away. But still manages "alright Tyreke, I'll probably see you tomorrow." And doesn't say goodbye to ANYBODY ELSE in the locker room. He has to walk across the entire locker room to leave but only says bye to Tyreke.

There's something very stalkerish about the whole thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, the voice of your Sacramento Kings, the one and only Grant F-cking Napear!