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2010 Sactown Royalty Awards

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Now that another season of Sacramento Kings basketball has ended, it is time to commemorate the important players, personalities and moments of the months gone by.

We begin the major awards in earnest at noon, with the "Peachy Moment of the Year" trophy, awarded to a particularly hacktastic experience from the 2009-10 season. At 4, we'll award our Play of the Year.

On Thursday, we'll hand out the awards for Play of the Year, Most Discomforting Description of a King's Body Part and Moral Victory of the Year. On Friday, we finish our official awards season with Jerryism of the Year, Weird Story of the Year, Game of the Year and the biggest trophy of all, King of the Year. This weekend, Aykis16 will step in with some special comment/commenter awards during his final Good, Bad and Ugly of the season.

But first, those tiny trophies they hand out before awards shows actually start, because no one really cares? Well, we have those too, but you should actually care. The most senior citizen member of the voting committee asks you to assemble after the jump so he can hand out some hardware.

 

MIKKI MOORE MEMORIAL RED LOBSTER AWARD

This trophy goes to the big man with an aversion to catching the ball cleanly around the rim, and is awarded by none other than section214, president of the Academy's Center for Joe Kleine Studies, the nation's leading research lab investigation big white stiffs.

And the winner of the Mikki Moore Memorial Red Lobster Award is ... Jason Thompson.

THE JOHN SALMONS TROPHY

Take it away, section214 ...

In the words of the late, great Judge Smales, some people just don’t belong. The award includes airfaire (one-way) to another destination. And the award goes to ... Andres Nocioni.

JFK AWARD

Our august voter has selected an honoree who asks not what his country can do for him, but what he can do for his country. The winner is ... Omri Casspi. His prize: all future Jewish Heritage Night appearances are passed to Jordan Farmar.

BAKER'S CHOICE

section214 has directed the Academy to present the Baker's Choice award for the first time to the player who best knows his, uh, roll. (The Academy and Mr. 214 are currently at odds over the use of puns. Mr. 214 has won an early appeal, but the Academy vows to take this to the Supreme Court of Fake Blog Awards.) The winner is ... Sean May.

And finally ...

THE JOE KLEINE AWARD

Awarded to a big man who could not find a role on a team bereft of big men. We have a tie. The winners are ... Joey Dorsey and Hilton Armstrong. The winners will receive a series of 10-day contracts over the next two years as a token of our appreciation.

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Be sure to check out the site at noon as we award Peachy Moment of the Year. You won't regret it one bit.