Oy to the World! Kings Carols 2012

Petrie roasting on an open fire, Keith Smart adding to our woes...

Continuing a tradition that dates back to 2009 and has withstood the test of time of 2010 and 2011, Sactown Royalty invites you to gather the loved ones and find warmth around the warm glow of your computer screen, and raise your collective voice in song to the Sacramento Kings of Kings. Fun fact: Since this tradition began back on 12-24-2009, the Kings have won a tidy 29% of their games. Happy M*loof Year!

Caroling a la Kings. Nog 'til you blog. A Jim Les-tivus for the rest of us!

On behalf of everyone here at Sactown Royalty, have a blessed holiday season, and may 2013 be a year that brings health, happiness and prosperity to you and yours.

***

The Little Bummer Oy

"Come," they told me, Harumph harumph rumph.
"A new Kings team to see," Harumph harumph rumph.
"Our finest play we bring," Harumph harumph rumph.
Instead my eyes do sting, Harumph harumph rumph,
Harumph harumph, rumph rumph rumph rumph.

So please pass the booze, Harumph harumph rumph.
When we lose.

Little baby Cuz, Harumph harumph rumph.
T'd up for all he does, Harumph harumph rumph.
He's tired of all this crap, Harumph harumph rumph.
From rage to Turkey Tap, Harumph harumph rumph,
Harumph harumph, rumph rumph rumph rumph.

What's your claim to fame, Harumph harumph rumph.
Suspended another game.

Petrie nodded off, Harumph harumph rumph.
With still a perfect coiffe, Harumph harumph rumph.
I beat my drum for him, Harumph harumph rumph.
Until he left the gym, Harumph harumph rumph,
Harumph harumph, rumph rumph rumph rumph.

Then He smiled at me, Harumph harumph rumph.
No amnesty.

***

Good Kings Head Coach Smart

Good Kings Head Coach Smart looked out,
On his challenged roster.
Hoping to find legit talent,
Instead finding imposters.
Lacking but the slightest clue,
He looks towards the heavens.
Change your lineup yet again,
There's no Tyreke Evans.


Hither, Cisco, stand by Smart,
Tyreke's knee is swelling.
Brooks is chucking up more threes,
And the fans are yelling.
We're losing another game,
by quite a hefty point spread.
Outlaw is a "Travis-ty,"
His sight the fans do dread.


"Bring me talent", Smart does plead.
"As fading hope's a glimmer."
"You have plenty," says GP,
"For I have brought you Jimmer."
James Johnson cannot shoot a lick,
A fact known by the masses.
The shooting drills do him no good,
Nor do his brand new glasses.


Smart, the night is darker now,
And the team blows stronger.
John Salmons is in the game,
I can't take this much longer.
Isaiah doesn't get much burn,
Marcus is looking forlorn.
Tyler was a lucky man,
When he was a Bighorn.


In Paul Westphal's step Smart trod,
Hoping for improvement.
But as the calendar turns,
There has been no movement.
Therefore, Kings fans, please be sure,
Smart's performance does bear mention.
But he's not going anywhere,
He has an extension.

***

"All I Want For Christmas Is Burkle"

I don't want a lot for Christmas,
There is just one thing I need.
I don't care about the head coach,
Even though the fans do plead.

I just want you as my owner.
It would give me such a boner.
Make it come full circle.
All I want for Christmas is Burkle.

I don't want a lot for Christmas,
There is just one thing I want.
I don't care about the GM,
Even though he's looking gaunt.

I want you to own our team.
It would really be such a dream.
No LeBron or Kobe or Dirkle.
All I want for Christmas is Burkle.

Oh all the lights are shining so brightly everywhere.
Real Housewives of B.Hills is taken off the air

And everyone's so happy,
No more M*loofs oh so crappy.
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need,
Won't you please Ron Burkle me?

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas,
This is all I'm asking for.
I just want a brand new owner,
Standing on the hardwood floor.

Please won't you replace the brothers,
I will forsake all the others.
This could really workle,
All I want for Christmas is Burkle.

All I want for Christmas is Burkle.
All I want for Christmas is Burkle .
All I want for Christmas is Burkle.