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Kings Draft Thomas Robinson: In A Sick, Sad World

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"Hi, I'm Throb Robinson. How <em>you</em> doin'?"
Mandatory Credit: Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE
"Hi, I'm Throb Robinson. How you doin'?" Mandatory Credit: Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE

To be more precise: the Kings draft Thomas Robinson in the sick, sad mind belonging to section214, which happens to be particularly sick and sad.

"With the 5th pick of the 2012 NBA draft, the Sacramento Kings select Thomas Robinson, Forward, Kansas." As Robinson strides across the stage, a ‘70's funk riff plays in the background.

Apparently, Robinson has seen my nickname suggestion for him, "Th-rob," and has decided that it would be a great name for the porn star career that he has always "longed" for. "Throb Robinson" is born. 2nd round pick Furkan Aldemir is "sucked in" by this idea, changes his name to "Furk Figgler, AKA The Furkin' Turkin'" and joins Robinson.

Throb and Furk's first movie is Oliver Miller's "Lay.F.K." Throb plays the lead role of attorney Gym Hairyschlong, and his "seminal" scene is the breaking down of the Zapooter film, showing how a 2nd "shooter" had to be involved. Furk plays the role of Lee Harvey Osballed, and there are cameo appearance by DeMarcus Cousins (Packed Ruby), Adrienne M*loof (Jackmee Kennedy) and Jerry Reynolds (President Longdong Johnson).

A live musical version of the movie is booked for an extended run at the M*loofs new 12 room motel/pachinko palace/bait shop, which is appropriately named "Palms 2% - Your palms, Your way." Neither Robinson nor Aldemir ever log one minute in a Kings uniform. The two go on to open a pawn shop in Southern California, joined by a gimp suit-wearing George M*loof, and the rest is soon-to-be-written history.

Kings-sized porn? I hope that I live...forever.

Tomorrow: Exhibit G on Bradley Beal.