Demarcus Cousins and his minions (hey, that’s us!) have determined to seek their independence from the grasp of tyranny. The founding fathers (hey, that’s us!) are establishing the sovereign state of Cuzizstan (hat tip to fellow founding father ResetSmith). After the jump, the Declaration of Independence for Cuzizstan.
When in the Cuz of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political binds which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the game of Naismith, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nurture entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind (Jerry Reynolds-style mankind, not Grant Napear-style mankind) requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that while all people are created equal, some extraordinary people are created just a little more equal than others, and that they are endowed by their AAU Coach and/or Site Moderator with certain unalienable Rights (not to be confused with Dorell Wrights), that among these are Life, Giggity, and the pursuit of Boogieness.
That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among the people, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes Westphalian in nature, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Freedom and Boogieness.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes, for that would certainly result in a catastrophe of MusselTheusNatt proportions; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism (or to put it more simply, general Maloofery), it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards (and God willing, someday soon, small forwards) for their future security.
Such has been the patient sufferance of these Cuzonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present Kings Monarchy is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, suspensions and fines, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the State of Cuzizstan.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the DeMarcratic Members of Cuzizstan (DMC), in General Discontent, Assembled and Inebriated, appealing to David the Stern for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Cuzonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united Cuzonies are, and of Right ought to be a Free and Independent State, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Westphalian Crown, and that all political connection between then and the State of tyranny, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent State, they have full Power to levy fouls, conclude thunderous dunks, contract charges that are offensive in nature, establish dominance in the post, park for under $10, receive two free tacos without having to buy a regular sized soft drink, and to do all other Acts and Things which an Independent State may of right do, including but not restricted to the obtaining and appealing of technical fouls.
And for the support of this Declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of our Bird Rights, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Screen Names, and our sacred Headbands.
One nation, under Cuz, indivisible, with Boogieness and technicals for all.
Oh, and one more thing…You can pry our 2nd round draft picks out of our cold, dead hands.
(Please utilize the thread to sign this declaration, and feel free to submit your recommendations for our nation’s Bill of Rights and Amendments.)