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Kings vs. Heat preview: How Sacramento can win

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The Kings get Miami again. Oh boy.

Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

The Kings played the Heat in Miami last week, and it did not go well. The Heat are in Sacramento to face the Kings on Friday (7 p.m. Pacific, News10). Will it go well? Ha, probably not. So in lieu of a traditional preview, here's a list of of ways in which the Kings could conceivably win.

1. LeBron James eats a bad cheeseburger.

2. LeBron James is entranced by the Red Rabbit and refuses to leave the new terminal at the Sacramento International Airport.

3. An agent of Kings ownership pays Erik Spoelstra under the table to sabotage the Heat. The payment is in cases of Crystal Pepsi, which Mark Mastrov has hoarded for decades.

4. Shaq blows an airhorn directly into every Miami huddle, eventually rendering the Heat and anyone sitting near the Heat bench medically deaf.

5. David Stern institutes Rock 'n Jock Rules, and we learn that Rudy Gay is particularly good at 10-point shots. #efficiency

6. Erik Spoelstra, in an attempt to capture the Popovich zeitgeist, benches LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. News10 officials smolder.

7. The Heat find out Sean Cunningham of News10 is hosting the Sactown Royalty game thread and immediately concede.

8. DeMarcus Cousins and Isaiah Thomas have awesome games, Rudy Gay is great and the Kings win fair and square. (Mwahaha!)

9. LeBron James goes 0-34 from the field as the Sacramento crowd holds up myriad Skip Bayless faces, a la Peja on a stick. A meteor then strikes Sacramento as cosmic punishment. BUT WE GOT THE WIN.

Enjoy the game, friends!