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Likely Scenarios

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There are a lot of scenarios being discussed lately, let's discuss the likelihood of one in particular: the scenario where the Maloofs refuse to sell and simply continue owning a team in Sacramento.

Kelley L Cox-US PRESSWIRE

There are a lot of different scenarios being tossed around right now. Mostly this is because the Maloofs are nitwits of the highest order who generally enjoy farting at common sense while they do doughnuts in the parking lot of their latest idiotic business venture. And also because we're being forced to wait for this to all come to a mercifully final solution. But wait, what if this isn't final? What if the Maloofs simply refuse to sell and remain the owners of the team in Sacramento? I keep seeing this scenario being tossed around, so let's explore it, shall we?

The Proposed Scenario:

David Stern (visibly annoyed), addressing the BOG: Thank you gentlemen for participating in this asinine exercise. You have voted to reject the relocation bid. The team shall not be granted permission to move to Seattle.

Maloofs: We still want to sell!

Stern: Really guys? You're really going to make us do this?

Maloofs: We have a binding agreement!

*A few moments later*

Stern: Ok, the sale agreement has been denied by the NBA Board of Governors. Chris Hansen et al are denied their bid to purchase the majority stake of the Kings.

Hansen: We want to buy 20%!

Stern, with a deep sigh: Really, Chris? You're really going to make us do this? This is what you want?

Hansen: Yes! Good faith efforts and all that!

*A few moments later*

Stern: Ok, the Board of Governors has rejected your bid for 20%. We're done with this. Chris, please leave the room. Now, boys, there is $341 million in an escrow account. That money is all yours if you sign on this piece of paper. It's either that or you return to a team that will never again be valued this high, will never have a bidding war, and will be lucky to draw 8,000 people per game. The salary floor is rising, so you'll have to continue to spend. You won't be able to cut salary. So you can do that, or you can sign this paper and get $341 million. What would you like to do?

Maloofs, while setting fire to the contents of a small trashcan and running out of the room: "WE'RE GONNA OWN THIS TEAM FOREVERRRRRRR!"

End Scenario

Yeah, no, I totally see why everyone thinks that's likely. I'm sure that's something we should be worried about. Sure.