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How to cure DeMarcus Cousins

DeMarcus Cousins missed yet another game due to illness. Time to bust out all the stops.

Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

DeMarcus Cousins missed his third game in a row due to illness, sitting out Tuesday's contest against the Toronto Raptors.  The Sacramento Kings played with a lot of heart, but really need Boogie back as quickly as possible.  As such, we're coming up with cures, both traditional and exotic, in an attempt to get the Kings big man back on the floor.

Aside from traditional Western medicine, which we assume the Kings' medical staff (including Jason Brayley from those Kaiser Permanente commercials) have already tried, here's every cure I can find.  My medical recommendation is that Boogie try all of these cures, preferably all at once.

[Editor's Note: Greg is not a doctor, nor has he studied medicine in any way, shape or form.  Nobody should take any medical advice from him.  Greg accidentally stabbed himself in the hand on Sunday and his cure was to put a bandaid on it.  This man knows less about medicine than he does about basketball, which is saying something.]

  • Chicken Noodle Soup
  • Vitamin C
  • Sprite, if your tummy is upset
  • An electric blanket
  • Hyperbaric chamber
  • Acupuncture
  • Meditation
  • A good night's sleep
Going a step further, we also have some more extreme methods.

  • Power Balance bracelets
  • Leeching (hey, it works for Roose Bolton)
  • Replace all the blood in your body with fresh blood like they did with Keith Richards
  • Freeze yourself in a cryogenic chamber until a cure for the common cold is found (unclear how CBA would have Cousins' contract in this scenario)
No matter which method Boogie chooses, we mostly just hope he gets healthy soon.  The Kings need him.