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Court Jester: The Ballad of Sauce Castillo

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Where did the mysterious Sauce Castillo, Sacramento's new favorite sharpshooter come from? Why does he do the things he does? What makes this Sauce so special?

Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

Who is "Sauce Castillo"? What is he here for? Where did he come from? Sauce Castillo has become the poster child for all things good in this otherwise dark and cruel world. Children and adults alike want to be him when they grow up, but there can only be one Sauce Castillo. Ever since the Pizza Guy abandoned Sacramento for Phoenix, (and eventually Boston), this city has been in desperate need of a new hero. One who cannot be swayed by outside evils. One who stands up for what is right, when everything else goes so wrong. Sauce Castillo is more than just a man of legend, he is a legend of a man.

Born Nik Stauskas, Sauce Castillo first rode into town in June of 2014, and his legend immediately spread to the masses, quickly becoming a household name throughout the Sacramento valley. While we know his name, nobody knows just how a humble kid from the kingdom of Canada came to be this sharpshooting symbol of hope in the land of California. All they know, is that the world is a better place when Sauce Castillo is here defending it.

Wizards, Trailblazers, Grizzlies, and even Pelicans have all stood face to face with Mr. Castillo, only to be shot down. Just the other day when an evil gang of Wizards stormed into town, Sauce Castillo single handedly sent them running off with their tails firmly placed between their legs. When a wild swarm of hornets attacked the fine people of Sacramento, Sauce Castillo was there to drive them back to Charlotte, the place they call home. When Sauce Castillo came into town, a feeling of hope and pride has swept through the humble citizens of Sacramento.

Sauce Castillo does not do what he does for fame and glory, he does it for results. Ever since a man named Karl took leadership of Sacramento, Castillo quickly made his presence known. Often getting five or six accurate shots off before his enemies even know what hits them. The world has taken notice, and enemies are out for Sauce Castillo's head. Unfortunately for them, they can try to take Sauce Castillo out of Sacramento, but they cannot take Sacramento out of Sauce Castillo. Sauce Castillo's legacy is here to stay.

From an upcoming movie, to a weekly TV series, and even a Broadway musical, everybody is jumping on the Sauce Castillo bandwagon. T-Shirts, lunch pales, bumper stickers, video games, it seems as though wherever you go, Sauce Castillo's presence is felt. Ranch, BBQ, Hot, Tomato, Alfredo: all these sauces are great, and serve there own unique purpose, but Mr. Castillo is the only sauce that we can deem "special". The legend of Sauce Castillo is a story that keeps on writing itself, and the stories just keep on growing. It is good to know that in a world of Joe's and Gavin's and the occasional George, Sauce Castillo is here to stay.