I am anti-tank. I have always been anti-tank. I will always be anti-tank. I wrote a decree comparing it to treason just yesterday. But, ladies and gentlemen, the level of tanking I saw tonight by both the Sacramento Kings, and the Los Angeles Lakers, was such a beautifully executed tank job by both sides, that I could not help but bask in the beauty of it. It was like a direct-to-DVD action movie where instead of Steven Seagal we got Metta World Peace and Corey Brewer playing like it was Game 7 of the NBA Finals but instead of getting a ring, you lose a draft pick. We had missed dunks, terrible turnovers, and chaotic loose balls, and so much more. The whole game was an absolute clinic on tanking, but that fourth quarter was truly beautiful. It even made a skeptic like me appreciate the art, if just for one night.
Amidst the tank, there were some things to enjoy unironically. All three of the Kings big men showed up to play, with Skal Labissiere, Willie Cauley-Stein, and Georgios Papagiannis combining for 43 points and 20 rebounds, including a handful of dunks by all of them. Buddy Hield also showed up to play, dropping 17 points on 7-14 shooting. Former basketball players Arron Afflalo and Tyreke Evans also helped the tank job, scoring 5 combined points in 39 combined minutes at the three spot. In fact, every veteran not named Darren Collison had their part in the tank, and it was beautiful. All of the Lakers starters had outings of varying degrees of success, but it was that wonderfully tankalicious lineup in the fourth, Tarik Black, Corey Brewer, Metta World Peace, Tyler Ennis, and former King Thomas Robinson who really secured the game for the Lakers.
I don’t know how else to talk about this game with any seriousness. It was hilarious, and everyone should watch it if they didn’t. The Kings face the Houston Rockets on Sunday, as the Tank arrives home for the first of the last two home games this year.