Inspired by today's wave of website nostalgia

1) Still are bewildered that Jawann Oldham's right leg was significantly longer than his left.

2) Still blame The Curse of the Derek Smith-o for all the bad juju thrown this franchise's way since 1986

3) Still cringe at Terry Tyler throwing down the weakest offering in NBA Dunk Contest history

4) Think Slater, Missouri and automatically get salty about Joe Kleine all over again

5) Can't stop thinking about what might have been with that hole in the ground next to old Arco

6) Still keep Mike Peplowski in their prayers

7) Scratch their heads to this day as to why Travis Mays wasn't better

8) Still pull their socks up to their knees and yell "Walt Williams" after throwing a piece of trash into the waste bin from impossible angles.

9) Still shudder with cold chills at the phrase "The Technical against Coach Reynolds has been rescinded"

10) Will never stop wishing their biceps looked like Anthony Bonner's in his prime

11) Will never remember Ricky Berry as anything more than a hauntingly beautiful figure

12) Still loathe Rick Fox

13) Would still punch He Who Shall Not Be Named (rhymes with Robert Schmorry) in the face on sight if they ever encountered him in real life and scream "You Know" when he looked bewilderedly at us after doing so.

14) Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Tim Donaghy was telling the truth.

15) Will never believe there is a better NBA writer alive than Sam Amick

16) Would trade their mortal souls to be locked in a Hell in the Cell handicap match with all members of the Brothers of Maloof

17) Still marvel at the absolute nadir of this franchise: Trading for the broken spine of Marquis Daniels to stay above the Salary Cap Floor

18) Still can't figure out the Geoff Petrie brain fart that was Jimmer Fredette

20) Will forever list our Facebook status re: our relationship with DeMarcus Cousins as "It's complicated" from now into absentia

Bottom line: we wear the scars and heartbreak of our existence as Kings fans like fine jewelry. It is unique, vexing, and completely incomprehensible to the world of front-runners and non-believers who laugh at us, mock us and make us the punchline to their jokes.

And we don't F'n care. We EMBRACE and RISE ABOVE those slings and arrows and love even more.

And that, America…is why I will die happily (if unrequited) a Kings Fan