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Kings vs Hawks Preview: Tank Battle Royale!

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The Hawks have come come flying into town and are looking to apologize for the drubbing they gave Sacramento in the fall.

NBA: Sacramento Kings at Atlanta Hawks Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Hi, good morning! I’m so sorry to bother you on this beautiful Thursday morning, but I wonder if you have a second to talk about our personal favorite team and tormentor, The Sacramento Kings, and their match-up against the fourth worst team in the league, the Atlanta Hawks. Tonight the twenty-three win Kings and the twenty-one win Hawks face-off for the first and final time since the Hawks committed felony assault and battery against Sacramento when they beat the Kings by 46 points back on November 15th. What if I told you that that the Hawks have 11 players that have a year of experience or less and that that’s actually three more than the baby Kings have? Would you ... would you watch the game then? What if I said that the Hawks best rookie is out with a sprained ankle? Or that their best player won’t be playing today? They just beat the Jazz! Does that interest you? Are you interested? Can I come in just so we can discuss Buddy Hield looking like he’s turned the corner? Five minutes! Two minutes!

Oh, oh you’re working? I’m so sorry! Yeah, no problem!

I’ll just come back on Sunday! Thank you for your time!

When: Thursday, March 22nd; 7:00 pm PST

Where: Golden 1 Center; Sacramento, CA

TV: NBCSCA

Radio: KHTK Sports 1140 AM

For Your Consideration

My Eyes Are Burning: I have a bit of a confession to make. Back earlier in the season when the Hawks open palm slapped the life out of the Kings... I... I didn’t watch. The Hawks looked next level terrible but still, I did the worst thing a person could possibly do: I put my confidence in the Kings. Was it a winnable game? Absolutely. Should I have ever believed the Kings could win a winnable game? No. Forgive me friends for not suffering along with you. I won’t make that mistake again. Tonight I’ll be there for every single minute, regardless of how many points Atlanta scores, or how jealous I am that the Hawks have the best organist in the league (shout out to Sir Foster).

We all know know how bad this game could get. I don’t mean 126-80 bad, no we won’t get fooled again on that one: I’m talking terrible in the 64-62 variety. Each of these teams are arms-and-legs spread, 25 feet above the swimming pool and looking to make the biggest splash they can at the end of their flop of season. There’s only so many times I can point out records after the All-Star break, or that each team has a semi-notorious crotch grabber.

So, instead, to pass the time until 7 pm where I’ll be passing the time till 9:30 pm: What is the worst game you’ve ever been to? Doesn’t have to be professional. Example: I was in a beer league softball game where our pitcher quit the team two pitches in when he found out our opponents were the local college baseball team. I got the call to pitch, and gave up 35 runs in 4 innings. The umpire petitioned me after the second inning to let the game end earlier than the 5th inning 20-run rule called for, but I refused. If I had to waste my evening, those jerks had to as well. Pitch after pitch, homer after homer. My team mutinied from the noble righteous cause of wasting everyone’s time after the fourth inning and left, so I think we technically lost by forfeit.

I know you all can beat that.

Prediction: Luka Doncic ends up in a Hawks uniform and I hate the Hawks for the next 15 years.

Kings: 101, Hawks: 97