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Kings vs Warriors Preview: No Hate For Golden State

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The defending champions are in town sans Steph and Klay and Andre and Omri and someone named Chris “Bobby” Boucher.

Kimani Okearah

Oh no... Did you hear about Steph reinjuring himself? Yeah, ugh, such a sad thing to happen to a wonderful man (and a former MVP). Klay Thompson too! Man, it broke my heart to hear. I like that kid. Akis told me but I guess they’re in Sacramento Saturday for a game or something and you just gotta hope that Kevin Durant doesn’t get tossed out for arguing his well-held and CORRECT beliefs against those bully refs! Those refs always holding a grudge, they could learn a thing or two from a guy like Kevin. Then to top it off, we really gotta hope that Draymond is healthy for the game tonight too! He’s their rock, and could absolutely carry a second seeded team in the West to a playoff birth! Definitely could. Absolutely. 100%, no chain pulling. We want a good game, and without him, I just don’t see it.

As a Kings fan, I know intelligent fanbases and boy do I hope their classy, hospitable fans travel in droves up to the Golden 1 Center and repeat all those clever little chants over and over! They crack me up every single time! WARRIORS! What? I thought this was the Golden 1 Cen- WARRIORS! Ohhh ahaha! These rascals! WARRIORS! Hey! I’m trying to write a preview here WARRIORS! Such good times.

Lets talk Kings basketball about the Warriors in a postive light, I guess, I just really feel for them, and since ESPN or anyone else really doesn’t cover them very much, I’d like to shed a light on just their whole kit-and-caboodle. So yeah, them. All about them. Poor things.

When: Saturday, March 31st; 7:00 pm PST

Where: Golden 1 Center; Sacramento, CA

TV: NBCSCA

Radio: KHTK Sports 1140 AM

For Your Consideration

A List of All The Things the Warriors Do Well, So We Can Be Absolutely Sure That They’re Good and No One Has Their Feelies Hurt, Because It’s Definitely All Love Here and I’m Just A Silly Sacramento Fan Who is Definitely Just Jealous of Their Success: The Warriors are good at so many things. We should celebrate them here, today, and all the rest of their days (or until a couple of them are swayed by the evil arms of capitalism in an attempt to break-up the greatest collections of human beings Fate has ever assembled). The Warriors are #1 in the following categories (please clap at home after each one):

Field Goal Percentage, Two Point Percentage, Free Throw Percentage, Assists, Blocks and Adorability. Last one was mine, I just love them. They’re also second in field goals made, and points per game!

Now here’s what they’re bottom of the league in (don’t clap, just download a Silicon Valley built app after each one and get those stock prices up!):

They’re 27th in field goal attempts. Duh. Don’t need to take shots, if you make shots, BABY! They’re 28th in offensive rebounding. Well yeah, the refs don’t ever call those fouls on the box out. Doesn’t count. They’re 26th in turnovers. Well, Steph’s wife is a chef, so stands to reason she’d make some delicious turnovers at some point, and I’m sure this one is just an inside joke with NBA statheads. All these guys are awesome passers. They definitely don’t get turnovers. Ever.

So as you all can see, They’re awesome.

For the sake of transparency, I’ll now list all the things the team I root for is good at (it’s the Kings, for every good thing I list, buy a ticket to the game and show up):

They’re #1 in not drawing fouls, tied for first in total Bogdanovics, and #2 in three point attempts... wait I thought they were like dead last in - I know. Number 2, dude. Get it. Like poop.

So again, WARRIORS!

Prediction: The Warriors don’t need any more wins. They forfeit the game as a courtesy. Kings win.

Kings: 1, Warriors: Nice Guys.