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Mail Sac Attack! Sactown Royalty’s Mailbag Returns

You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers.

NBA: Lottery Draft Patrick Gorski-USA TODAY Sports

It‘s midnight, and the summer air hangs thick. There you are, damp from a late night plunge in the neighbor’s pool, back to the grass and laying on a trampoline looking up at a million, million stars. More stars than there are letters in the names of every kid in school, more stars than there are people in this town. More stars than you’d ever be able to count, and still your mind fixates on just one.

The neighbors are out of town, save for their progeny who will keep watch until they get back. A spur of the moment invitation led you here, to their house, to their pool, to staring up at the stars together on a trampoline only four good bounces from crumbling into a pile of springs and rusted piping. Something has been weighing heavy on your mind for awhile, and with your eyes still fixed firmly on that star, it dawns on you: tonight’s the night to ask.

“Hey,” you whisper out into the world, “I need to ask you something.”

There’s a pause. The crickets stop singing, almost as if to say, we’re listening.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

“Yeah?”

There’s a tremble in their voice. You’d think they were cold if it weren't mid-June.

It’s time.

You take your eyes off of that single star and turn them towards the voice, rolling yourself onto your side, propping your head up under your hand and trying to calm the nerves that are near fried under every surface of your body. Your eye catches theirs, and you spy the starts of a smile jut out across dimpled cheeks. There is no going back from this.

“Do you - do you think...”

The tremble has come for you now, and a shiver rolls down your spine.

“Y-yeah?”

“Do you really think Vlade Divac would pass on the greatest Euro prospect in history for a high school phenom with recurring back issues and non-existent defensive abilities???”


The StR Mail Sac is Back!

Once a week, Tim Maxwell and I are going to set out across social media for the very best and very worst you have to offer us and answer even the most unanswerable questions! You want to ask us about the draft? We’ve got you! You want to ask our opinion on the state of Sacramento-based cinema? We’ve got you! You took that summer physics class at the local junior college on a whim and now you‘re failing and need to know what a gluon is? I’ve got myself a theory!

What we need for you to do is inundate us with questions!

-You can reach us by email at: asksactownroyalty@gmail.com

-You can tweet the @SactownRoyalty Twitter account, or tweet/DM us directly at @WillofThaPeople and @TimMaxwell22

-You can ask our Sactown Royalty Facebook page!

-You can even snail mail us at:

Greta Gerwig, United Talent Agency, 9336 Civic Center Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210

You‘ve got five days to get us your questions, then get the hell out of our way.

We’ll be seeing you real soon.