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Preseason losses – time to panic?

Pipe. The. Balls. Down.


Hi there, Kings fans, you loquacious little naysayers you.

I get it. I really do.

After over a decade of living inside a black hole of pure and utter suck, we sometimes find ourselves losing sight of our own optimism right out of the starting gate. Only thing is? WE’RE NOT EVEN OUT OF THE FREAKING STARTING GATE YET and yet fans are acting like this second preseason loss carries the weight of a ghost pepper anal suppository.

The trip to India was an historic one for the Kings, yet the losses that they’re bringing back home with them ping the feelings in the crotch a little bit. On Saturday morning, the Kings lost to the Indiana Pacers 130-106, the second of two games played in Mumbai.

Head coach Luke Walton specified that they weren’t aggressive as they should have been against the Pacers on Saturday as they had been in the 132-131 loss to Indiana on Friday. Oh, and there were a bunch of careless turnovers too (22 during Friday’s game and 18 on Saturday). Again, I get it. The preseason situation hasn’t been ideal. But there’s a key word here:


Here, I’ll let you in on a little secret - Time zones matter. Back to backs matter.

Not everyone is all sunshine and rainbows after a 19-hour flight with no stupid Wi-Fi. Good news is, again, that word “preseason”.

Just for you, I composed a list of things you should be worried about this early in the season:

  • Our young core staying healthy (it felt like a paper cut on the soul when Dewayne Dedmon exited in the third with a left leg injury and Justin James left in the fourth favoriting his right ankle).
  • Nickelback becoming relevant.
  • That @TimMaxwell22 is literally a Russian bot because all my money is on “yes, he goddamn is.”
  • Your mom.
  • Blessing the rains down in Africa.
  • Your fantasy NBA team…lol, just kidding. You basically already lost.
  • Your fantasy NFL team…lol, just kidding. You suck donkey butt and so does your kicker.
  • All of the Sactown Royalty staff looking like a Walmart brand version of the cast of Silicon Valley.
  • The massive asteroid-sized impact the male fake height world took after the NBA started posing the real heights of players (we’re thankful you escaped the shire, Yogi).

If you need just a little bit of luminosity to light your dark little corner of the NBA Twitter universe, take a look at some of our own toad-looking staff’s take away from today’s loss here.

For god sake’s, Kings fans - yank yourself off the cross, climb down, turn off Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car”, and perk up. We have an entire season ahead of us to pull out our own hair while screaming out of frustration. It’s the protocol.

For now, just chill the hell out.