Right, so, this was always bound to happen to the Kangz. In the same week as we all thought it was reasonable to view Sacramento as anything other than cursed, when the season started to resemble something other than an absolute clusterbomb of bullshit: the Kings announced Monday an act of vulpicide has rendered their rising star point guard injured for at least 3-4 weeks. For all of you who bet the over on wins this season of Sacramento basketball? Your money is gone. Toss the ticket. The House wins again. For all of you who are watching the draft: it’s point guards, a rich man’s Omri Casspi and a big guy who could go anywhere from #1 overall to last spot in the lottery depending on whether or not Penny Hardaway actually bought him moving boxes or taught him a single post move in the 9 practices and two games they’ve had since the start of the college basketball season. Bryant West, your job is done too, my friend! Plan that wedding, I got this covered!
Sacramento, however, must forge onward; continuing the Sisyphean existence of this franchise in a manner that might also entertain anyone left watching at the bottom of the hill. A thought came into my head early to look and see how many starting point guards the Kings have had in the last 13 years and then I remembered Anthony Johnson getting the talent zorped out of him on live television for ten or so starts and I realized I really didn’t want to know. Good luck to Cory Joseph tonight and all the nights to come: may your odds be better than that of a Ramon Session’s three point attempt. May the basketball gods deliver you better luck than a Jimmer Fredette jump pass. May they ease your tensions, unlike Quincy Douby. May they give you a sounder head than... holy hell we’re in for a long goddamn season.
Let’s talk Kings basketball!
When: Tuesday, November 12th, 7 pm PST
Where: Golden 1 Center, Sacramento, CA
Radio: KHTK Sports 1140 AM
For Your Consideration
Oh Hot Dame: I can talk about the Trail Blazers for a minute before I crawl back down into the hole I was hiding in. I was at the home opener when Damian Lillard decided it was game over and just started hitting shots from all over Sacramento in the second half and I gotta say, not so cool man. Actually, it was an absolute pleasure watching that man operate, but I gotta confess, so is watching 5th overall pick in the 2012 NBA Draft and current member of Sichuan Blue Whales, Thomas Robinson. Why did I bring him up? No reason. Shall we talk about CJ McColl-ummmm no I didn’t think so!
The Blazers as a whole have struggled out of the gate with staying healthy and maintaining the identity that got them to the Western Conference Finals last season. Big man Jusuf Nurkic has yet to play a game this season after fracturing his leg last spring, new addition Pau Gasol has yet to suit up for the Blazers with his surgically repaired left foot and youngster Zach Collins will miss the next four months after dislocating his shoulder at the end of October. I list these men off specifically so that I might mention that the only healthy big men left for Portland are all former Kings and will now be heavily relied on if the Blazers are looking to make any sort of playoff run. Kings draftees Hassan Whiteside and Skal Labissiere will be featured heavily in the big rotation Tuesday night, and coming off the bench will be former gone-to-soon King, Anthony Tolliver. While the Kings themselves aren’t entirely healthy or particularly productive right now from the 4 and 5 spots, it’ll be an absolute necessity to out play and out gun the Portland bigs to even have a shot of withstanding the onslaught brought into the arena by Damian Lillard.
Speaking of Damian Lillard, you know he’s averaging over 35 points a game in losses this season? That’s just about 6 points higher per game than what he averages during Portland’s four wins. Not correlating that to anything, just pointing the ol’ fact out.
The winds carry my dried tears and Cory Joseph up the mountain and he shuts Damian Lillard down to the tune of only 45 points or so. Dwayne “The Bathtub, He’s Dwownding” Dedmon breaks out of his season long slump and drops 5 threes on Skal Labissiere’s head. Hassan Whiteside recognizes Jason Jones, Kings superfan and definitely not a reporter. Terry Stotts makes another funny face and it does, in fact, get stuck like that.
Kings: 104, Blazers: 98