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Kings vs. Warriors Preview: My, How The Tables Have Turned

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The Kings are in Frisco, San Fran, Sanny Franny, whatever other names that will piss off the remaining factions of Warriors fans, to take on a Warriors team that’s hellbent on losing as many games as their ‘15-16 team won!

Memphis Grizzlies v Golden State Warriors Photo by Lachlan Cunningham/Getty Images

Well, well, well, well, well, well... well. Well, well, well. Well well, indeed. Very, very well. Well, the Kings are in The Frisco by the Bay, The City that Never Frizzes or Cos. The Great Soft Soil Capital of the World. The Liquefaction Factory of Fun. Fate’s Alluvial Soil Sand Box. The Terry O’Quinn Stepfather to Oakland’s Jill Schoelen. The current home of the Golden State Warriors, owners of the worst record in the league, losers in seven of their last eight contests and current home to a center trying so hard to be cool and yet so damn soft you’d think he was the other side of your goosefeather-gel combo pillow. I’d have straight up named him there, but I entertained the idea of Draymond Green stumbling upon this and register it immediately as Willie Cauley-Stein and then later on Willie at his locker pondering in his infinite wisdom for a moment and think, “Naw, that’s Draymond to a tee”. You’re both right, assholes. Speaking of pillows, I usually don’t like to punch down but for the Warriors, going through a lost season before regaining a foothold at the top of the Western Conference - I’ll make the exception. Some years are like that: they’re bringing the ice in their veins to a “full of piss-n-vinegar” fight and this year, Kings fans are writing their names in some snow. Plus, it’s not like Warriors faithful are reading this anyways- most of them are watching their favorite player take on the Hawks tonight.

Let’s talk Kings basketball!

When: December 15th, 5:30 PST

Where: Golden State Warriors 1 Center West, Frisco, CA

TV: NBCSCA

Radio: KHTK Sports 1140 AM

For Your Consideration

I, man, I Just Don’t Know: I want to talk about the most disappointing Sacramento Kings of last year for just a second. Now, before all you semi-amateur radio hosts jump on Twitter to defend seven feet of frozen green beans, realize I’m talking about Alec Burks. The Kings traded for Alec “Alex Burkes” Burks last year in the middle of the season, send away the brick-laying, catchphrase extraordinaire, Iman Shumpert. Shumpert had a couple of big quarters for the Kings and sealed a couple of real, real important wins for a team that ultimately couldn’t win 40 games or reach the playoffs, but the Kings felt they needed a more steady presence than a guy shooting 38.2% from the field and hoped they’d find it in their newly acquired, long time Joerger crush. They were... wrong. What Kings fans expected was a spot shooter with some ball handling ability who would help shore up the bench scoring and what they got was, well, nothing. Burks disappeared. He played in 13 games, averaged less than two points and when he was in seemed to just wander. In an offense that was quite literally “Just run up and if you’re open shoot the ball”, the man found a way camouflage himself into the background. He could not find a way to score in the most “I don’t care, just shoot it!” offense in the league. That trade ended up meaning less than nothing, but when you trade someone who had dug himself out a little warren of fun little sayings and mentorship and that man is a long time favorite of your coach, you’d expect... something! Anything! This season, on a roster that needs him more than just about anywhere in his career, Burks is averaging 15.6 points a game and doing so mostly off of the bench. IF SOMEONE IS GOING TO BEAT THE KINGS TONIGHT IT WILL BE HIM. That is all.

Oakland: Also shout out to the City of Oakland, who deserved better than to root for manure for decades and then in the midst of one of the great dynasties of the 2000’s, to have that team moved to an entirely different region. Assholes and idiots might like to whip those flat-billed hats backward and argue that it’s still in the Bay Area, but those are the same dipshits that whine about the drive they have to make to see the 49ers in Santa Clara. The Warriors were relocated to a different city to serve a different brand of clientele. Long time season ticket holders were priced out of their seats so that they can be given to some newly minted CEO of a start up that squished the creepiness of Uber drivers with the dangers of jetpacks in some jam-pad birthed, coke fueled idea tsunami that netted them five mill in seed money from their sociopathic, venture capitalist dad. Oakland, their economy and the people in the city lost something tangible and valuable and they deserved better.

Prediction

Willie Cauley-Stein will try hard (by his standards) for 2 quarters. Blocks a Bagley shot, throws down a 3/10 dunk that he celebrates like a 9. Then his brain goes to sleep and he plays in low power mode for the rest of the game. D’Angelo Russell scores 30.

Kings: 118, Warriors: 32