December 15th, 2019 was the last time I felt any sort of warmth towards this season. The Kings had clawed their way two games under the .500 mark without their two young stars, a task that skims the realm of improbability like it’s a shot from Buddy Hield playing 16 seconds of 1 on 1 skims the rim. They played the Warriors that night and the Kings womped them. The playoffs were in the picture and I had the privilege of calling someone a “seven feet of frozen green beans” to the delight of everyone but the green bean farmers of America (though to be fair, they rarely support such negative sounding hooliganism against the greenest, meanest and beanest of vegetables). Life as a Kings fan was looking up.
The next morning, 199 or so good writers were fired from SBNation, then I was fired from SBNation, then the Kings went on an 8 game losing streak and then that board of dried paints birthed by the mind Willie Cauley-Stein got hung in a gallery somewhere and legitimized and damn am I wildly bitter about someone enjoying their hobbies and toxic toward someone who didn’t ever do any harm to me (or to a stat sheet for that matter). The Kings take on the Warriors tonight and they’re both playing like a band consisting only of bagpipes and accordions - a lot of air getting displaced but the spectacle really isn’t in the viewing of it. Let’s talk Kings basketball.
When: Monday, January 6th, 7:00 EST
Where: Golden 1 Center, Sacramento, CA
Radio: KHTK Sports 1140 AM
For Your Consideration
Too Bad, So Sad: I struggle with whether or not I should be giving you all stats at this point in the season. I mean, we all watch the product on the court. We know it’s gross to look at, we know it’s bad for our health to continue and yet here we are. We’ve reached the point where we’re collectively doing that thing where we watch the How It’s Made on McDonald’s beef and realize it’s an endless tube of pink sludge and then after scowling and wretching throughout the episode, we see the final burger produced and go “Eh, I could go for a Big Mac!” That’s us, everyone. I’m writing a preview for a game that I might actually warn co-workers and relatives to stay away from. Sure the game has tasty morsels of De’Aaron Fox running end-to-end for an uncontested layup but does it really count if the guy he’s flying by has a phobia of breaking skin on the rim? Do you really want to wait a whole game to see if Draymond Green gets tossed for a cup-check on Nemanja Bjelica? Like that pink sludge, this game will come out slow, be chock full of filler, have a voiceover that tries to normalize what you’re seeing and after consuming it, your sodium levels will be through the roof. I can give you a list of things to look for tonight but that’s about it:
-Eric Paschall being a nice surprise for a team that is going to win 60+ games next year.
-De’Aaron Fox trying to make up for a stinker of a game on Saturday.
-The Warriors taking the third least three pointers in the league while also being the worst three point shooting in the NBA.
Remember when the Warriors had that four game win streak and Draymond Green said with such pride that he saw in a dream that all that was going to happen? I like to imagine he was able to see the future Dr. Manhattan style and this was just the first time anyone noticed he was spouting this stuff off.
It’s June 10th, 2016. Game 4 of the NBA Finals. Lebron James has just stepped over me and in a moment I’m going to smack him in the nads.
It’s July 10th, 2016. There is a man at a bar in Michigan who I do not know that continues to called out “Warriors blew a 3-1 lead!”. I am going to punch him in his groin. Later that summer, the judge in the case will be named Dick Ball.
It’s December 19th, 2019. The team is about to go on a four game win streak. We will beat the Pelicans by 4, the Timberwolves by 9, the Rockets by 12 and finally the Suns by 9. No testicles will be harmed.
Enjoy the game everyone!
Kings: 112, Warriors: 107