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Everyone hush – the uterus is now saying goodbye

I’m going to miss all you pixalated tugboats.

The Belle of the Ball - A Tale of Scovlls Syrup Photo by Buyenlarge/Getty Images

The StR staff planned on working through the end of March, but that was under the assumption that the NBA would still be happening. In the wake of the coronavirus pandemic, we’re instead going to spend this week saying our goodbyes in individual posts and handing over the reigns. You can join us in our next step at and follow us on Twitter @TheKingsHerald -Greg

Only a handful.

Ultimately, it wasn’t enough, but then again, it didn’t need to be.

Count them on less than two hands. In my nine months with the Sactown Royalty team, I only wrote a handful of articles. I berated Luke Walton and asked why the Sacramento Kings were playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded oozie. I welcomed Harrison Barnes to the team with my usual pretentious flare. I yelled that DeAndre Jordan wouldn’t fit with the locker room atmosphere. I bitched about preseason games. Brad and I would jest factiously on his podcast. I cried. I yelled. I debated. But most importantly, I fell in love with this team. Not the team who dons the Kings uniform(s) itself, no – as every true, non-charlatan fan who writes for this site, I fell madly in love with that team years ago. This time, I had fallen in love with my StR team.

Almost a year ago, I recall having a conversation with Brad Geiser who casually said “well, no women write for Sactown Royalty, so I think you should,” and suddenly, the wheels were turning.

I was baffled that I really hadn’t noticed this before. I had known the crew via the Twitter universe for a long time and had become close enough with both Greg and Akis to shoot them a direct message saying: “I’m now writing for you.”

Okay, I wasn’t that abrasive about it. I simply asked, and they simply said yes, please.

Xeric would be a word I would use to describe my world before them. The welcome was like coming home to a family I never really knew I needed. And it was done with the perfectly timed loving insults I’ve come to love with the guys. Living in the Dallas Mavericks world with my friends in the Mavs press has always brought me joy, but it was more of an outsider’s joy. With this family, the peculiar blend of sarcasm, support, and sheer appreciation brought along this rare variegated comfort I never new I needed.

These were colleagues I could see myself working with, joking with, and thriving with in an everyday setting. I had built relationships with most of the crew on Twitter over the years that thrived off bad mouthing each other in playful ways. But within the walls of this new family, I had built new relationships with them based on trust and camaraderie.

And I wouldn’t take it back for anything.

Sure, we all point fun at each other, but there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for this entire crew, which is why I’m thrilled to be moving over to The Kings Herald with them. We’re keeping the family together, as we should be.

I know that a great deal of fans of the site and our usual (lovingly) regular commentators will be following us over there as well and we’re all so goddamn thankful for that.

I love you all. Seriously.