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Kings Herald vs. The World Preview

With a wrecked economy, global pandemic and a fairly bad basketball team to boot, The staff of the Kings Herald are squaring off against stupid odds and setting out on their own in the hopes of pissing off the last few remaining fans that haven’t already blocked them.

90th Annual Academy Awards - Fan Arrivals Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images

Like so many other times that I’ve had to write these previews, life has found a way to step in front, distract me and leave me with a limited time to toss out and publish all the loosely connected ideas that I had scattered in my head and once again, Greg and Akis have been understanding. I lost my job due to this corona virus, it’s a long story that I have faith will have a happy ending. We can talk about it elsewhere, but I found it as fitting an end to my time here as any other. During my time here, I’ve gone through bizarre break-ups, deaths to family and friends, relocating across the state, failures and triumphs and failures once again. The only constant during my life during this time has been you. When I was brought on, it was because I wrote a puff piece for someone I loved very deeply and begged you to see the talent I saw coming forth from her and she danced for three years, in part, because of the passion, acceptance, and love this community had. I got to writer here for the very same reason. But, I was never supposed to last. My first preview, I told my friends not to get excited. The other writers and the editors would see me for who I am and would push me out by my fifth preview. Now, just four months shy of five years later, we all leave together, bound for something new and great and entirely unknown. So for the last time here at Sactown Royalty... Let’s talk Kings basketball.

When: April 2020

Where: Sacramento, CA (and well, it’s the internet, so everywhere else)

TV: Someday

Radio: If they make the mistake of letting Tim back on.

For Your Consideration

I’m unsure of how to appropriate say good-bye. I’m the preview guy, the person to explain what’s to come and right now, through gritted teeth I can only say that I’ve seen what comes next, I have seen the site that Blake and company are building and I have already seen lists of ideas that these abandoned corporate chains have allowed us to consider and all I can say is that it is, well, it’s wild. There’s that old adage about elephants and how they’re kept in place at the circus. Usually, it says that simple wooden stake and a rope hold them in their place, keep them obedient when a simple, gentle tug could tear it out of the ground and free the poor thing. The secret of course, is that the ringmasters and elephant handlers started this practice while they were young, too weak to pull and then the elephant’s grew, learned to accept this reality and never tugged against it. Having heard what’s to come, having been in the meetings, the only apt comparison is that elephant tearing up their wooden spike, running through the three-ring circus that is the level of coverage in this area and bringing the tent and anything else in it’s path to the ground.

I have so many people to thank for this opportunity: Akis, Greg for believing in me, for allowing me to adjust midstream to become the writer that I am today. I can think of at least a few times where they could have cut their losses and brought some other talent in to write the way they might have preferred about this team. Kevin, who had to put up with any tweets I put out through the site, some that toed the line and some that crossed them. You had to eat those punches and I’m glad you haven’t killed me yet for it. The entire writing staff from Robby to Sanjesh: you each inspire me to be a better writer, better fan, better human being. Most of you discuss in perfect clarity the muddled mess of ideas I have and it’s inspiring... and then you get a lot of shit for those ideas and I’m really glad I don’t have to defend them. Most of all, I want to thank-you, the readers. The first feedback started with close personal friends who would text me a line from my preview they thought was funny, who after five years STILL do, even if they’re Lakers, Timberwolves, Warriors fans. They were willing to say “do more of this, we know you don’t believe that” and I owe a good portion of my courage in the early days to knowing they would be willing to read, laugh and if necessary, mock me for the writing I did. But as I found my voice, the regular readers stepped in too. I have endless examples of people who encouraged my writing, who threw gas on the flames of every roast I had scheduled in my head, defended me on opposing teams sites when they decided my writing wasn’t to their liking. In the comments, on Twitter, in person: hearing something I said made you laugh, or cry, or reconsider helped get me through times when I couldn’t do any of those things.

I’ve got to list out somethings below of things that stick with me, and please feel free to comment if you had any that struck you. I promise if you’ve found this month’s from the time of publishing, I’ll still come back to see it.

  • A guy read one of my predictions, made a bet based on a joke I made and won money from it, then Venmo’d me $5 as a thank you.
  • The city of Memphis rising together as one to exclaim that I was banned from Tennessee.
  • A TV personality from an opposing team hitting me up to encourage me and saying that something I’d written had them crying laughing.
  • A different TV personality saying that opposing team read my preview out loud and laughed at my descriptions of the way certain players played.
  • The response to my first ever article and to my piece of the death of my brother and Kobe Bryant.
  • All the times I got to laugh at people coming into the preview to say “This prediction is ridiculous” and watching you all explaining what was happening.
  • The tears that ended up flowing during our very last mailbag, knowing this is all over.

I’m blessed to be able to continue on, to call The Kings Herald my new home and I hope that you follow us over to our new spot. I have confidence you’ll find what you seek in Kings coverage and community. Sign up at for more details on when things are going to be available.

I wish this last piece for Sactown Royalty was more artful, more nuanced. It isn’t how I wanted to say goodbye, but in life, how often do you get to say goodbye the way you want to and at the time of your choosing. I have loved you all from sixteen years old and read your every word, ever since. I’m going to be thirty in June and being without Sactown Royalty is something entirely foreign and terrifying and freeing. Thank you all, for everything. If I could leave you all with one thing, it would be this:

I still haven’t seen Lady Bird, but Gretel Gerbin got robbed of an Oscar.


Kings Herald launches, they fire me immediately, it quickly becomes a massive success.

TKH: 1, The World: 0